What do I do now? I feel like I've made all the progress I can possibly make in therapy. But still symptomatic & limited. Is this me forever?

[Strangelongtrip]

I've been in intensive therapy for a year now. My T is amazing. He's a trauma therapist, and we've used EMDR, CBT, and DBT. I utilize them frequently. I went twice a week for about 4 months, and am down to just once a week. But now when I have my sessions I feel like I've made all the progress I can possibly make in therapy. We've talked about everything I've needed to talk about, and processed it, and I am much better. I feel like all the rest of the work I have to do myself, and he can't help me anymore. I'm still symptomatic and I feel like he's given me this false hope that I won't have symptoms after a while or I won't have PTSD or BPD anymore, and I've been ignoring a lot of my symptoms because I've been like "that's not me, that's a disease, that isn't real, I'm not really disabled by this stuff" like I'm in denial now. I still hate the parts of me that are ill and have compartmentalized them. He has suggested I'm at a point where I probably only need therapy once a month or twice a month starting in the new year. I don't know what else to do. Do I just live with it now? Is this me forever? It's been me forever. I've had symptoms of PTSD since I was 5 years old. Probably sooner, that's just the earliest I remember panic attacks, dissociation and depressive episodes. I don't know what else to do. I've tried 6 medications, two which I was allergic to, one which worked and the other three did absolutely nothing to help me. Medicinal has helped but I'm still masking symptoms. I don't know, this was kind of a rant but I don't know where to go from here. I'm still limited by my PTSD.

 

[NaeNae75]

Have you looked into the genetic testing they have for medication reactions now?

 

[MyWillow]

The other thing I would ask is how is the rest of your life outside T looking? Are you taking time out for yourself? Have you explored complimentary modalities? I’m working on the body more. Doing TS yoga on my own and in a tiny class when it runs. I do Equine T with my former psychologist every 2-4 weeks. I make sure I walk and garden and train my dogs and get remedial massage/physio plus occasionally relaxing massages and other treats. I’m working in a demanding job 4 days/week so I have to look after myself.

That’s all whilst I’m seeing my psydoc (main T) weekly. So I hope there comes a time when I don’t have to see her as often but I’ll have other coping skills to manage my symptoms when it gets to that point.

A year is not a long time you know ;) And as Dr Bessel Van der Kolk recognised, it’s the body that keeps the score.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@NaeNae75 i haven’t! I’m on state insurance right now and have no idea if they’ll pay for them. I don’t know if my psych would suggest it, honestly it kinda sucks because I don’t see him often he’s so busy. I’m considering switching. If I had a guess it’d be Prozac bc that’s what worked for my dad.

@MyWillow i have the Van der Kolk book by my bed?. I’m working on being able to take time for myself. This weekend I have mainly off of work and was going to go for a mature hike tomorrow. Also sooo much about the body. I’ve decided (finally) that I can’t be keeping myself safe just by keeping gaining weight. I decided I’m going to get really strong and fit and also take Krav Maga classes in December on, my brother wants to take them with me. It’s so weird to see how the body stuff affects me, like I avoided using certain gym machines bc they make me feel trapped and I couldn’t defend myself. I really do need to take better care of myself though because I am slipping. I go to school full time and work about 15-20 hours a week and it’s chaos sometimes.