What Do I Do?

[chibmonster]

I have been in a relationship for 10 years, and i was diagnosed with PTSD after i was sexually assaulted a year ago. I had to move and and haven't been able to get any treatment and have no one to talk to except my partner but he is in grad school and always busy working. Since everything happened i have completely shut down, i have no feelings at all im dead inside, its to the point that i have no sex drive and don't even want the person i love to touch me, i feel horrible because when he comes home he should have the person he fell in love with, no this empty shell that cry's for no reason and has anxiety attacks, and nightmares. I can barely think strait because my brain has shut down. i don't really have any drive to go out and when we do go out, he seems so much happier when hes having conversations with other people, he has told me its stressful but he will stay with me because he knows im still hear i just don't know how long that will be, i just wish it was me who was able to make him happy not other people. i just want to know if their is something i can do on my own till i can get the help i need so i don't completely drive him away. Hes the only thing i have.-chibi

 

[Deleted member 28986]

Welcome to the forum. I believe you'll find a lot of friendly people and helpful information here.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. It sounds like you really care about your partner.

First things first, therapy is real important for healing. PTSD is not going to heal without professional help. You mentioned you can't do that right now. Why not? With the new healthcare laws, a huge number of people are getting great health insurance for little or no cost... but only if they apply for it. Have you already checked out healthcare.gov to see if you qualify? If there are different obstacles to you getting help, it'd really be great to figure out how to overcome them. I think we'll be happy to brainstorm with you if you want.

Second, there are books that can be helpful—both for you and for your partner. I just bought Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with Your Loved One's PTSD by Cynthia Orange. I'm not through it yet, but I think it will bring some understanding when my significant other reads it.

It hurts to see your partner seem happier with other people than with you. It is important for him to take care of himself. If he doesn't take care of himself and he's not in a good place, not only will he not be able to help you, but he will likely bring you down with him. I'll bet your partner is also confused and frustrated because he sees you're hurting, but he doesn't know how to help. When you're in therapy and he has read and learned more about your needs, he might be more confident and therefore seem happier around you.

Finally, PLEASE do not feel guilty about things. Feeling numb or dead inside, not wanting to be touched, not feeling like you can fulfill your partner's emotional needs, and worrying that your relationship is at risk—these are all NORMAL responses to your experience.

You survived a harrowing, potentially life-threatening situation, even if you might tell yourself it wasn't THAT big a deal. Your body did a lot of work in order to survive. Unfortunately, the human body is not perfect, and yours (and mine) is still fighting a threat that's no longer there. It doesn't mean you're weak; quite the contrary, you are strong. It just means you need help to get back on track. There is no shame in needing help. Everyone does, for one thing or another.

Please keep us posted with your thoughts, and let us know how things go. :hug:

 

[Friday]

This is one of these: If nothing changes, nothing changes kind of things. Meaning treatment.

If he's in grad school, then you probably qualify for mental health services through the school under the domestic partnership act, regardless of your legal marriage status. Especially with the duration of your relationship (which makes you common law married in many states if you're male/female paired). If you're married, legally or common law, more the better, but it's not necessary. I was a married student, and it was sometimes a pain In the ass to find out what was available (married & domestic partnership students are the teeny tiny minority), but the upside to that was that there were often funds going begging for lack of applicants. (Case in point, was able to afford a preschool for our son that cost more than the annual tuition at the university, out of funds through the Student Family Services department... And definitely far better healthcare for all 3 of us than we would otherwise have been able to afford. Full dental. Full psych. Wow. But it took some digging to even find those programs, as it's usually in a different department than standard financial aid, in fact Imwent through 4 departments: student fam service, women & children's services, student health services, & financial aid... All as a spouse...even though it was all dispersed in one check, things needed applying for in different buildings.).

Unfortunately sexual assault is common on campus & in the 20s set, which means that fortunately there are probably several sexual trauma specialists in reach.

PTSD kicks things up a notch (or 70), as not everyone who is sexually assaulted develops PTSD, luckily for them they'll have acute trauma issues that will fade in time. But as far as having a concentration of sexual trauma specialists at your fingertips? Universities are gold mines.

Welcome!

 

[KwanYingirl]

Have you reached out to your local Rape and Assault agency? They have social workers and group therapy if wanted and are safe people to talk these things out. Also, they have a crisis hotline you can call anytime.
Did you report the assault and go through the courts? That would take a lot of your psyche. Did you have victims counseling or grief counseling? I think your mood will elevate once you find someone you trust to lead you through your healing.

 

[chibmonster]

This all happens before i moved and was one of the reasons i moved. i did call a crisis hotline went to i agency long enoph for her to get to know me to confirm it was rape for 2 years, and to figure out the treatment but had to move for his job. i could do nothing in court because all people who witness the one that drove me to seek help ( yes i had witness) would not say anything.but the counseling was helping when i had it, when i left i got a lot worse and since i've never had a support system except my partner its a bit harder.
we have checked into what the schools offers and because we where together in Arizona it we where never considered together. but im applying for medicaid anyway because i need it for my epilepsy. so its going just going slowly.
Thank-you for all the helpful suggestions, its nice to know people are out their.-chibi