What Do You Do During Flashbacks?

[Heath]

Hi, new here. I had the worst flashback 2 months ago and I came to and was bawling my eyes out. On my knees in a different part of a house I was staying at for a week, with somebody I really didn't know too well. I remember watching a movie... (very obvious trigger, I wasnt in control of the television). I recall all of the flashback.... I was re-living several of the same events repeatedly. I then realized I was in the room i was sleeping in for that week. crying and screaming, slobber, fear it was dark and i was alone. it was an amazing feeling. i was alone, i looked in the closet, under the bed. out the windows. I grabbed my MP3 player. Played my security music (eminem) as loud as possible. and felt somewhat better after that. But I have never had a problem outside of 'safe places' but that was crazy.

 

[livergirl70]

Thanks for all your comments guys, I'm not sure how I can stop it though, I guess it will improve as I get better. The flashback I had was triggered I think by the smell of some random bloke that walked past me and bang I was back there with my ex holding me down and choking me, he must've worn the same aftershave/body spray. I was supposed to have some more EMDR to help but they have had to cancel it due to new rulings

 

[Powder]

Dissociative flashbacks are when part of your mind's trapped in the past and experiencing it, whilst 'going through the motions' in the present. Dissociation is disconnection in the broadest sense - and when in a flashback it is a disconnection between the past and the present. In a sense, all flashbacks are pretty much dissociative....

Have you or anyone noted that you numbed out or dissociated a bit briefly just before the flashback happened? I'm curious about the nature of flashbacks and it's relation to dissociation. Any websites?

Heath, sorry to hear you don't have control over the TV. That is a problem. I couldn't stabilize that way as violent TV is audiovisual, as you said, a big trigger. Is there anything you can do to avoid this from reoccuring?

 

[Heath]

Well right now I am living with my fiance's grandmother, but moving on my own sunday. (yay!) So I will have complete control of all of it. But, even watching the 10oclock news, children, teenagers, adults being sexually assaulted all of the time here. I just cover my ears, close my eyes tight, and rock back and forth. Pretend I am somewhere else. I just can't stand to hear of it, see the family's faces. Just... no. not okay.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Things get fuzzy light and sound. I have not lost time but I lose my ability to process where I am in context. Like if I am at a friend's house and hear a song that reminds me of XYZ I can't get out of it. I am back there but in my friend's house.

I might stop talking or might get obnoxious or something.

If I am alone, I lay in the bed, eat,listen to music, or call a friend,

It is hell, to be sure.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't know what I do during flashbacks, some times I'm operating, but "gone" for a couple of days... depending on the cause of the trigger. Other times I can stay around enough to see, but not hear anyone or even hear myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

Good question?, that's what I'm afraid of. Freeze, I think (?)
Know it feels like 'shock' and 'terror', immediately after it ends, and then shame and fear along with it realizing what's happened, and wondering and not knowing if it was 'noticed'/ what I 'did'(?)/ 'said'(?) And an unbearable urge to 'bolt'.

 

[Powder]

Do you think it's even noticeable by people? If just a split second, probably not? Not sure. I know in the case of mine recently, he didn't even notice. I didn't react outwardly and it lasted just a minute and then another half minute. I definitely felt just that "freeze!" right before it occured. Numb, freeze, flashback. Likely the trigger elicited a state dependent memory from the emotion. PTSD obscures the emotions, so I feel an "unpleasant" emotional haze instead of the specific emotion. My therapist is teaching me to try to label the emotion. It's hard. I grasp at about five words first before I finally locate the emotional label. Then, I don't feel like "Eureka!" because the label dosen't seem to do justice to the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have "somatised" the emotions, so that now they are bodily "feelings" rather than emotional feelings when related to the trauma. Other emotions that come up from the present seem more identifiable and normal. Perhaps the trauma brings such shock and awe that the "emotions" are off the scale. Triggers bring this up, and the body reacts, obscuring the mere labeling of such shocking and raw trauma. It's hard to say "this is anger" when it actually feels more like outrage mixed with other things, like shock that this is even possible!

Maybe the whole point of the exercise is to gain the ability to 'file away' the emotions under ordinary labels to take away their inarticulateness and the power they hold as such. Any thoughts?

Muse

 

[john1963]

Hi livergirl,
Flashbacks were killing me in public. I remember one just this past X-mass.

I was at the store. I needed milk, bread, tomatoes,eggs, and that was it
i got every thing but the milk, and found myself in the check out line, and a flash back came in hard.

I left my food in the basket and walked as fast as i could with out running out of the store. I the went for a 4 hour walk in the cold and not dressed for it. Oh ya i live in Canada and it get darn cold here in the winter time.

Here is the good news, ready for it, sitting down i hope.

You had a flash back and you came to the reality that you are having a flashback.

Think of being on fire you need to stop drop and roll.

I Stop the madness in my head with self talk. I go to my happy place which is downhill skiing. I just slow my self down internaly. How do i do it, No freaking idea, but i have found a way to stop drop and roll.

They had the ability to wipe me out for days, Thanks God now they just knock me down for 15 - 30 Min.

The one thing i have learned about myself Is i do not, and can not be arround people when I'm having one. When people do try and talk to me i just tell them to got F off or i will punch them in the head, and to go away.

Not the how to win friends, and influence people approach.

 

[OKRADLAK]

FB's in public suck. My recent one was with a woman in the car........she was lost.....I was lost.........I just lost it. I usually get away no matter what. Several times I have asked to be let out of a car with friends and no idea where I am. I just HAVE TO GET OUT and get safe no matter what. Sometimes it is in a dangerous area....that is why I have learned NOT SAFE to get into a car. I must drive myself.

 

[Lionheart]

When I am able to recognize that I am having a flashback, I ground myself by naming the things I see around me, but the trouble with this is that I would seldom realize that I was having a flashback until it was over. So I made a list of all the things that I could think of that trigger my flashbacks and when it starts, I ask myself which of those things is going on that reminds me of the original trauma. I also use the mantra "that was then, this is now" and that helps most of the time to bring me back to the here and now. After a flashback, I take some time alone to figure out what triggered me and how I want to deal with it.

I was able to tell family members and a few close friends about my flashback so that they were aware of them. I instructed them not to touch me, unless I was doing something to harm myself or was putting myself in danger in some way. It helped to have a support team around me. I hope this helps you in some way.

 

[ClairBear226]

Hi LiverGirl. Your concern has always been a big one for me too. I'm not up on all the lingo, so I'm not really sure what it's called. But according to my hubs, I just sort of "zone out". My breathing might change, and my muscles tense up. I start fumbling with my left wrist sometimes. But otherwise, nothing that the general public seems to notice. Mine are usually pretty brief, fortunately. In the very beginning, I can sometimes sence that a flashback is about to occur, but it's not long enough of a "warning" to do much about it. If my hubby is with me, he's sometimes been able to "get through", by telling me where and when I am, and helping me to ground to the present. I've tried grounding techniques I've learned around here when he's not, and they always sound so good in theory, but never seem to work for me. As I said, though, mine are usually brief. No more than a minute or two, I think, unless things are really bad. I've had many flashbacks in public, most often when I'm really tired. My defenses seem to be at their lowest then. As anxious as it makes me, I don't think anyone has ever noticed that didn't know and understand what I was going through. I think the signals for me are just not that obvious. Afterwards, I usually retreat to the bathroom or my car to get myself together. They're upsetting, and I need a few minutes to collect myself. If you have someone that you trust that's seen you do this, my best suggestion is to ask. It may not be as obvious as you think. Or heck, in this day and age, have 'em whip out a camera phone and video record if you're comfortable with that. It seems strange to me that mine can go by unnoticed when inside my head I'm screaming in terror... but it's a fact I've learned to both accept and appreciate.