First... I sulk.
Then... I doubt myself.
If I'm feeling especially perky... I may stomp about and kick things.
Then my libido kicks in... And I wallow about in craving & loneliness & recriminations, regret, & irritation.
Essentially I annoy the crap out of myself, by being as subtle as a lead brick, so that I can get on with things, & get to the part where I pretend they're dead.
At which point... Things are fine. Unless they actually die. Then things get weird. But that almost never happens. The whole point of pretending they're dead is so that I can stop f*cking worrying about it. Waste of time, that. Cause there ain't jack shit I can do about it. And unless they really are dead? Waiting is. Unless I decide to pull a limpet and refuse to budge. My libido is usually happy about that decision, but it's usually not the best course of action.
After I'm done missing the snot out of them and beating myself up for being stupid? I go do something fun. Then usually something productive. Or both. Sometimes I remember it speeds things along to have a nice long sleep. In between the parts where I'm gnashing my teeth & enjoying my freedom works best, I've found.
Then, at some point, they get in touch... And that's always exciting when someone comes back from the dead :) And then, because I've been doing fun &/or productive things in the interim? I have cool stuff to talk about.
While I suppose I could just talk about fun & productive.. The above is what I honestly do when I'm waiting. And the lame parts usually eat at least a day or day and a half.
Sufferer x Sufferer
