"what Do You Need From Me?"

[UnicornSightings]

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

It's nice that your T asks that even if it drives you nuts. Mine have never ask...

Same! I didn't get what I needed as a kid, either and I know that's why I dare not ask for anything. But I agree, it IS really nice that she asks me it. She's awesome. I feel bad she's so awesome because she's going to be stuck with me for forever. So much attachment.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I would suggest doing your homework. But, hey... go your own way and get what you get.

I've done other things instead of the workbook. The workbook just didn't work for me. And I've been getting really good results in my life, for sure. There are these little hang-ups now, you know? But that's why I'm asking this. Cause I think there's work to be done in this area.

 

[UnicornSightings]

The correct use of anger... is motivation and adrenaline for change. "Being pissed off" is not me...

I will ponder this...

 

[The Albatross]

@ShikibuZ - BINGO!!! :tdown::tdown::tdown: "defensive response"

 

[Joan]

I have hated this question for years because I felt "stupid" for not being able to answer, or when I would think of something at times of real darkness they were things that were unavailable so I thought why even try to "know" the answer. Recently after a really rough time I realized that what I need in those instances are time and someone to hear me. It took me forever to realize this. Not sure if this helps or not.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

@The Albatross unsure of your meaning.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I have hated this question for years because I felt "stupid" for not being able to answer, or when I would...

That's usually all I ever want there. Her to hear me. She gives me what I want. I assume she asks me that question so I feel like we are getting somewhere. So progress is actually being made. And maybe so that she is reassured of that. But she knows I'm attached to her and if I did know something that she could do that would help me be done with therapy sooner there's no way I would tell her.

Ooooh therapy is gonna be good tomorrow... so much to talk about with this!

 

[Klo]

Stuff I don't talk about because I really like her and I want her to like me and think the best of me.

You nailed it; it's right here!

You need to be able to tell her everything while feeling confident that she won't judge you or reject you.

That's what you need from her in order to open up more and make more progress.

 

[watundah]

I hate this question as I never have an answer, either. Ugh. I usually look blank or say "nothing," or "I don't know." It catches me off guard and I sometimes thought she was throwing it out to fill in a blank. I told her I never know what to say so she quit asking. And if I do need something, sometimes I tell her.

 

[Suzetig]

I feel bad she's so awesome because she's going to be stuck with me for forever. So much attachment.

What need does that attachment to her serve?

 

[UnicornSightings]

What need does that attachment to her serve?

Well she's like the mom I never had in the way she listens and validates and cares and accepts me. If you've never had that and you found someone who gave you undivided attention you would never want to leave, either! I try to be that for myself but it doesn't hold a candle to having her witness me. But I feel like, while there will always be growth in simply talking about what I'm going through, I need to be able to break away at some point. Possibly explore other healing options. I'm going to see someone who does brainspotting on Wednesday. I can't imagine leaving my current T but I hate that I can't try something else out for awhile without being so devastated I fall into old, unhealthy habits.

 

[Hope4Now]

I feel bad she's so awesome because she's going to be stuck with me for forever. So much attachment.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

I'm cracking up again. You are too funny. I mean, I know it's dark funny, but funny nonetheless. When I started with my therapist 3.5 years ago, because someone suggested that perhaps I might talk to a trauma therapist, I asked if we'd be done in twelve sessions. I have to hand it to him--he didn't break out in laughter. More recently I did text him an apology that I felt badly that he'd be stuck with me forever (well, the equivalent of forever). Oh and yeah, please don't leave me either, okay...

I try to be that for myself but it doesn't hold a candle to having her witness me.

Well, unless the trauma is healed, we can't do that for ourselves. That is why we need therapy. And attachment is really important in the therapeutic relationship (unless you're doing some forms of cognitive therapy and you're a certain type of person). And if we had early trauma, the attachment relationship in therapy is really, really important!

I don't know your history other than what you've said here, but I would say think twice before leaving your therapist if you feel attached to her. People with early trauma have attachment problems. The only way to heal them is through...drumroll...attachment. So attachment is GOOD. Don't let your "I don't need anything" self make you run off from a perfectly good therapeutic relationship just because you feel attached! If it's not a good relationship though, then of course seek something else.