Thanks
@TruthSeeker , I like your name btw. I appreciate your advice, and understand what you mean. Unfortunately it's about 45 years to late for me to begin-to-begin. Tbh, it's easier to accept, without giving room for more disappointment. I am significant, in so far as I'm a 'work unit'.
n this moment, I need real live people around.
Isolation is a killer....
I did an experiment this past Christmas/ Birthday/ New Year; I decided for this time, I would see if or who actually reached out to me, including friends and relatives, with a wish, or a how are you, or whatever. I was contacted by a few people who I don't even know their last name. And tbh, they didn't exactly 'care', just were pretty up front they didn't want to be physically alone, and had other physical suggestions.
I've been in places I was in 20 years 5-6 days week, and remember the person there not even recognizing me, lol. I was told by the 'good' relative, "God created you for me". Unfortunately they didn't mean it in terms of sentiment. That was the 'good' one.
My problem is not continuing to think positive- I couldn't have survived or persevered or kept the pace up without it, my pblm is not accepting what is a fact, yes, I am insignificant, we all are to most others but generally speaking most or many have at least have someone or 2 who give a sh*t. Not all though, And I'm really weary of the facade, already. And the add something positive each day. I suppose it feels more like people have coping with Covid- but now tell them, this is your life from now on, or, lets just keep doing this for 50 years, and hopefully we can re-start after that. I should have trusted myself at Christmastime- what I knew and experienced,. Some people have banquets, some beg for crumbs, some no longer can be bothered to eat. I have become the latter. I don't need begging, phony, or crumbs. It is healthy to know I am insignificant, and not set out to accept disrepect and uncaring and call it acceptable and pretend it is otherwise. I am tired.
Anyway, sounds like a wah wah wah rant, no point ranting to one's self, so guess that's why I did here lol.. :sick: Sorry. One thing I do know, is there is no unanimity of one.
And thank you for the mindset and input
@TruthSeeker , Hugs to you. :hug: