What Do You Think About The Term "dry Drunk"?

[rainy_daze]

[Note to moderators: If there is a better title for this please change it. I struggled to come up with one that fits having a discussion about this topic]

[I vow not to hog this thread, so an actual discussion can happen, so I will only answer if things are directed to me or if it feels necessary to add to the discussion. I often think I put people off my threads with my huge responses :rolleyes:]

I came across the term Dead Link Removed while watching a TV programme. I wondered what it meant, as I watched the character displaying a behaviour I know I do often. It is the too busy to think or feel behaviour that I have engaged in.

While I'm not an alcoholic, I struggle with self-medicating, and I'm still on this journey towards sobriety. If anyone is interested, the last thread I made around this topic [maintaining sobriety] has some great advice from forum members

The two sentences that hit me the hardest from the dry drunk definition link I found were

The only change this person has made is to stop drinking, but in other respects their life remains the same

Individuals who turn to alcohol or drugs for comfort will do so because they find life difficult to manage through daily life without it. This is because they have poor coping skills and feel unable to deal with life on life’s terms. They are able to use alcohol as a way to ignore their difficulties. This means that instead of learning from the challenges they face in life, they just ignore them. If such people manage to later escape addiction they will be in the same position they were in before the alcohol abuse began. In other words, they will just be returning to the same conditions that drove them to alcoholism in the first place

I wanted to discuss this with my T, but she cut our appointment by 20 minutes, and I will not see her again for half a year, unless I call if I need her. I'd like to not have to call and get an appointment, but sometimes I would like help to untangle the knots, and I know people posting here are good at that :tup:.

I'm working hard on mindfulness. But I'm struggling with the emotions, the lack of sleep, sobbing into my partner while having a flashback, the surfacing of memories, and all the rest of it. I have learned coping skills, but I'm being pushed to my limits by the trauma.

ETA: it is actually a very hard link to read :cry:.

If anyone would like to share if they relate to this term, or have any opinions/advice/thoughts, then please speak up. Thanks.

 

[Jnean]

I still, not often now, self medicate with medications but I'm still learning through challenges encountered and feel I have learned good tools to cope since I have stopped using regularly. I am fortunate to be able to take more pills than prescribed only now and then somehow and not do it every day following. I too have been struggling similarly while working through my trauma with my T currently, lack of sleep, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, sobbing, pieces of memories that are nauseating. It sounds to me like you are really trying and I think that's great. We remember and feel only what we can handle I am told. Also I use a crisis hotline if I am having a hard time grounding, the stranger on the other line brings me back to reality and I seem to know when to call. Everyone's journey and healing is different, that also goes for our coping skills...of course we have some even it is difficult to remember or find them right away. That's how I feel. Thanks for sharing. Take care.

 

[Powder]

Personally, I dislike one aspect of the whole 12 step movement for wholeheartedly embracing a made up disorder not in the DSM (codependency) and applying the label to anyone without any valid criteria. These programs simply have found a way to make even people who do not use drugs or alcohol to feel dirty and damaged. Even those who have used, should not be asked to self-define based solely on their lowest moments. Why do that? I'm not suggesting denial, just not the opposite of denial, which is self-denigration and giving up.

This term might (I don't know for sure) come from that movement. Not that there isn't a granule of truth to this. It's true that those of us who were raised in hell carry more baggage, but that is no reason to slap some additional weight in the form of negative labels onto our already heavy burden.

I don't see any need to accept this label as valid for you, or anyone for that matter, if you were not given it by your physician. Give yourself a hug, not a guilt trip. :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for 24 years. Addiction is so sinister, it will worm its way back into people and then they pick up again. I believe in the concept of being a dry drunk. It's a simple term to indicate a member whose not actively working the steps. Then the character deficits that were the reason the drunk picked up come back. I can only speak for me but I clung to AA for many years while I relearned how to function in life, soberly. When I was actively drinking I was a poor friend, I snapped at people, I isolated. I'm not that. Anymore but if I still had those traits. Sober but not working on improving relationships. I'd be a dry drunk.

 

[Friday]

So... A dry drunk... Is an alcoholic who isn't drinking, but still exhibiting all the behaviors of an alcoholic who is drinking. It's a very common thing with addicts/alcoholics, because it affects far more than just sobriety.

Too busy to think/feel? Distraction? Avoidance? That's something that's common with alcoholism, trauma, grief, & a whole host of other things.

Sometimes it's useful. It's part of learning & maintaining boundaries, & balance, & a whole host of other things. Okay, right now we're doing this thing here, rather than that thing there flooding every aspect of our lives.

Other times it's not useful. Refusing to deal with something that needs to be dealt with... For ever, if possible.

I'd be very careful of taking one aspect of any other disorder, condition, or issue... And applying it wholesale to another.

***

As a case in point? Isolation is something that can be durn useful with PTSD. Taking some time when stressed out or overwhelmed to lower stress levels, before things get so bad that they blow up. When that's done proactively? It can be a very, very good thing! :) Part of managing stress in advance, and keeping symptoms in check. ((It can also be a sign that things have gotten way out of hand. Depends on a lot of factors.))

- But taken from the view of a different disorder? (OMFG! Stop that!!!) As in, it's viewed as never a good thing / something to be worked against. No... With PTSD, isolation is always going to be a part of it. Taking a day or a few hours now, will prevent needing to take weeks and months later.
- Or taken from the view of a neurotypical relationship? (Clearly, he's not that into you!) Ummmm. No. My taking a couple hours to de-stress is part of managing my disorder. It is NO reflection on how much I care about someone! I don't isolate because I don't care about someone. I'm isolating because I'm stressed the f*ck out.

Disorders and conditions share symptoms. And sometimes, what is a symptom in one disorder or condition? Is actually a solution in another.

Seeing facets of ourselves in other things? Can be useful/educational, or can have no value, or can be hilarious (looked at the way I look at things, anyway)... Because their problem is my solution. Or it can also be depressing/ infuriating/ etc. Largely depends on how secure I am in myself & what works for me.

 

[The Albatross]

Via Recovery Addiction Basics / Sober Recovery: "What is a dry drunk, and the ‘dry drunk syndrome’ as it is sometimes called? It can best be described as someone who fits one of two conditions.

The first is someone who has given up drinking and drugging and not made any internal or emotional changes, they stay the same but the substance is gone. Or in the second case what was once someone abstinent and on a progressive path of recovery has slowly returned to chaotic and unrealistic thinking.

Being active in your addiction sets up many trains of thought, attitudes, feelings, and actions that are problematic. Simply removing the alcohol or drugs without changing these underlying factors will produce a dry drunk syndrome. The dry drunk really refers to a condition and not the person. It is important to recognize a reversion back to our old ways of thinking and acting, or lack of progress in moving forward in recovery.

The dry drunk can be a precursor to the beginnings of relapse, the AA Big Book describes this condition as being “restless, irritable, and discontented”. This set of attitudes can apply to anyone who is chemically dependent, or even those were not. Here are some of the attitudes common with the dry drunk syndrome.

Grandiosity – Grandiosity basically means a return to a self-centered, ‘the world revolves around’ me attitude. In 12 Step literatures this is the concept of being “self-centered in the extreme”. It does not have to necessarily mean that I believe I am the best; it can also be seeking attention through playing the victim or sitting on the pity pot.

Impulsivity – A common attitude or observable behavior of people with addiction problems is poor impulse control. We tend to do what we want when we want, with little regard for self harm or hurting others around us. Impulsivity can be linked with grandiosity to engage in behaviors designed to make us the center of attention.

Being judgmental – This is a very destructive attitude for people in recovery. When we judge a person as being better than or less than, we are setting up a situation where we inflate our egos feeling better than other people. On the other hand if we judge ourselves to be on the short end we can feel bitter and generate low self-esteem. Being judgmental is a low self-esteem generator.

Complacency – This is not only an attitude of somebody in dry drunk syndrome, but is a red flag warning sign of someone who is well into the relapse process. An important facet of being in active recovery is just that, being active, and moving forward. It is not how fast you are going but rather the direction in which you are headed. If you become lazy or disinterested and stop being proactive about your recovery, the natural to a tendency is to fall back into addictive behaviors. Your re-engagement in them is just a short step away.

Once you are lured into any of these attitudes, they start to affect how you think. Once your thinking is affected and you start to buy into self-centered thoughts, chances are you’ll engage in the actions stemming from these self-centered thoughts.

Here are some destructive patterns and actions that can result from dry drunk thinking:

1. We become restless and irritable and discontent.

2. We become bored, dissatisfied, and easily distracted from productive tasks.

3. Our emotions and feelings get listless and dull, nothing excites us anymore.

4. We start to the engage in the euphoric recall that is yearning for the good old days of active using and for getting the pain and shame of use.

5. We start to engage in magical thinking we get on realistic and fanciful expectations and dreams.

6. The last thing we want you is engaged in introspection to improve ourselves.

7. We start to become unfulfilled and have the feeling that nothing will ever satisfy our yearning or fill the hole in the sole.

Looking back at the list of attitudes and thought distortions listed above, it is easy to see how the dry drunk syndrome is simply nothing more then reverting back to the way it was when we were active in our use. If you are starting to notice some of the attitudes discussed creeping back into your life, is target time to start paying attention to the possibility of relapse and start turning your life in sobriety and recovery around. The dry drunk syndrome is a bright red flashing warning sign for relapse."

 

[The Albatross]

Something's wrong I think with #6... think it should be along the lines of "The last thing we/you want to do is engage in introspection to improve ourselves." or something like that.

@rainy_daze - I think it's worth a discussion with your T. You said, "I struggle with self-medicating, and I'm still on this journey towards sobriety". If the idea caught your attention and you struggle with self medicating, it has been brought into your awareness to deal with.

Hope the article above is assistive for you?

 

[shimmerz]

I think it's worth a discussion with your T.

Agreed. I would say this is important enough to talk to your T about because you don't want the feelings you are expressing here (fears etc), to 'set in' (wire strongly neurologically).

 

[Davidbowie]

It's a term coined by alcoholics anonymous for anyone who has quit drinking but is not working the aa program.

 

[The Albatross]

Coined there yes, but used commonly with other substance abuse programs.

 

[Chava]

Can't add much to what's been said...yes, generally a phrase for alcoholics who merely quit drinking but still have all their misery and terrible other behaviors. Basically, no active work towards "recovery."

You certainly don't sound like a dry drunk but it sounds like you relate to the expression (and possibility some level of substance addiction or dependence). I'd add that it would feel challenging for me to know how to work on my trauma recovery at this point without a therapist. Sometimes I feel very trapped by the way I approach feelings and sensations. I'm actively working to notice this and respond differently, in more healthy ways. My therapist helps a lot with this process. Why can't you see your therapist for another half a year? That's not really "therapy", though I assume this is like your end and a way to slowly detach? Are you moving onto other therapy or did your therapist feel you were at a good point to go on your own? I wonder if more help is still an option for you. ??

 

[Ed Norton]

'Dry drunk' is a made up term that has no basis in medicine or psychology.