What Do Your Monsters Look Like?

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
I’m too stoned to read this now but my "monsters" always have been actual acute threats (my now evil ex chasing me through everything and no one believing me) or, in other, previous PTSD nightmares I would half-dream of something invisible whose job is to kill me. I dream that I put a mattress against the door so it wouldn’t catch me, but semi-waking up, evidently I’m on the mattress, and it loops so many times.

One time in Brazil I hallucinated a ghost. I was very scared and heard weird noises from outside and saw a very faint ectoplasm or whatever I thought it was, and I placed my hand in front of the luminescence to check if it wasn’t just my eyes going bonkers. But I saw my hand. I still think it was some form of hallucination. It wasn’t really scary. Spiritism, condomblé and macumba are common so once you are in that atmosphere it’s quite easy to get caught up in all the spirits things and the curses.

As a kid I really didn’t like the dark and was very afraid of shadows lurking behind things. I was deadly scared of it, and felt like they were moving.

Then I had furious beasts full of teeth and wrath and blood but these were my friends. They were my friends against the abstract threats.

One time I dreamed of my grandmother faintly rotting next to me in a car.

Another time I dreamed of my ex being axed by a maniac in a looping dream but it was during a meth withdrawal.

Typically my dreams aren’t very scary or graphic, it’s more of a situation that is uncomfortable and requires immediate action against an imminent threat, generally with loads of people implicated, confused and vague.

But I maintain the scariest dream was the one with the mattress. Something coming for me and I don’t know what. And repeating. Over. And over. And over.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
My monsters were men with large heads. Four times the size of their bodies. I had lots of night terrors and nightmares all my life. My nightmares are still about wars. Long dreams with a cast of characters and a stable setting that I visit over and over. I am always a worker in the underground trying to rescue my people from the aggressors.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
One of my monsters is red and black with green eyes. She's a nasty bitch that I keep locked up. She doesn't scare me. She's actually quite beautiful in a f*cked up evil and dangerous way.
That’s an interesting comment I think - I do not think beauty makes something necessary ‘’not scary’’. Some of the best human predators- are beautiful in looks and charming in behaviour- But not in their deeds. I love beautiful things but some kinds of beauty are frightening to me just in their …. Perfection? Fakery? Something around there I can’t quite grasp the word for tonight
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
There was no visual input during trauma and what input there was came through the Demerol fug.

Ghosts....just ghosts. Guess that's why in my nightmares I could never see what terrified me most as it stood behind me with its hand over my mouth.

I guess my monsters are still hiding....
 
I can’t easily describe my frightening monsters but to say that, they’ve always been bypedal with very long arms. Some have closely resembled skeletons with a thin white body or they’ll resemble a very hairy, dark blurry humanoid figure.

I had described my disturbing visualization of a dark, hairy bypedal creature to my first T, during my mid 20s. He then told me that this was only my imagination and that, I should learn to tolerate it. I never mentioned it to him again.

This creature greatly resembles the creature I later described to my second T, in 1988, about 17 years later. He advised me to never mention it again, especially not to him. During our following session, he asked me, if, I had ever been a sexually abused child. I answered no, as I then, thought that ‘non contact sexual abuse’ wasn’t real abuse. My T responded saying, “Well I think you were abused.” Then he suggesting I see another T, though I didn’t. The subject was never discussed again.

Interesting though, was that bother my first and second T, had asked me if, I could imagine myself showing love and affection toward this hairy creature. I told bother T that, in no way could I do that.

In about 2001, I mentioned my fear of the skeleton like creatures to a new T, while, he then suggested I take anti-psychotics. I refused and never went back.

In about 2002, my next T, placed me in a suggestive hypnotic state where I’d become extremely emotional and was screaming under my breath. I really couldn’t see anything during that hypnotic state but a total darkness yet, I was fearing the skeleton like creatures were within it and wanting to pull me into this darkness with them. My T, immediately brought me back to my conscious state, saying, “Oh my G-d, you were abused!!” She then told me that this was my father molesting me.. I told her it wasn’t. I phoned she office later that afternoon and terminated with her.

As for this darkness in itself, there isn’t always a creature within it. However, this darkness in itself seems to have a consciousness of its own. I fear being engulfed by it and in so doing, losing my physical world and my physical body.

The dark, blurry humanoid like imaginary creature I'd once described to my first T, I’m still imagining on occasion, ss if, it were quietly standing in my kitchen doorway, staring at me. This visualization evokes my panic state. And yet, I know it really isn’t there -- I'll just react emotionally as if it were there. So, I avoid spending much time in my kitchen at night for fear I might begin to imagine its presence again.
 

Missycat

MyPTSD Pro
The monster in my nightmares and flashbacks was always a dark cloaked shadow - i had a recurring nightmare where i was near a canal and there were graves/ holes in the ground dug and i could sense the ‘figure’ / shadow but couldnt make out who it was . I would wake up screaming or i would be out of bed and hiding in a corner of the room. I knew i was abused as a child and processing this with my T and working on my nightmares allowed me to see who the shadow was … it was my abuser - this removed alot of the fear and my nightmares reduced.
Its an interesting read @Friday , thanks for sharing.
 
For me, these frightening monsters might resemble a very dark blurry cloud or dark empty space or dark opening that seems to gradually enlarge or drift towards me. I’ll begin to fear that it might engulf me or consume me within its own space.

During one childhood nightmare, I can recall standing at the entrance way to a dark cave, in a hillside, where suddenly a skeleton like creature had appeared inside it. This creature then extended its long arms and grabbed me. And as it began pulling me into this cave, I was desperately trying to grab hold of the interior walls of this cave in my effort to resist its pulling. It was during this moment that I realized I couldn’t grab hold of anything physically solid. That is where the dream ended.

The dark, blurry humanoid creature I sometimes imagine standing in my kitchen doorway at night (I still do) is somewhat similar, in that, I’ll be fearing it is moving closer to me, as if, to engulf me. When I imagine it as nearing my back side and shoulders, I’ll be in panic mode for nearly one minute or so until this experience fades away.

This might be the same basic fear I’ve often had of being engulfed within the darkness. I’ll sometimes imagine an enlarging black cloud near my bed at night. I’ll begin to fear that inside this cloud are creatures waiting to pull me into it. Although I don’t see them, I’ll begin to believe that they’re really there. I know this is imaginary and yet, I can’t help feeling fearful.

This I don’t want to mention but, here goes. The dark drifting cloud that I’ll be imagining near the foot of my bed, only seem to occur during my heightened state of sexual arousal. At that point, in not way am I going to let go of my conscious awareness and self-control. I just won’t feel safe enough to do that.

During my mid 20s, I’d tried to explain this fear to my first T. He replied saying that, I only feared losing consciousness during sex. He said that I’ll be fine. Unfortunately, his reassuring words didn’t help. And when I told him so, he said, I only needed to give myself more time. Yet neither did more time help. And when I began to sink into depression, he prescribed anti-depressants which, only made me sleep too much and gain weight. I was then in supportive therapy.

Yet these vague frightening imaginary bipedal creatures, dark caves (entrance ways, doorways and closets) and engulfing dark clouds aren’t always related to my sexual feelings. When I’m standing at my kitchen sink at night, washing dishes, sexual thoughts are far from my mind. Sometimes, I think the running faucet water might be evoking this imaginary creature standing behind me, in my darkened kitchen.

It's going to sound silly, but he looks like the Grim Reaper, scythe, robe, and all.
Not silly! Your description is not that different from mine. My monsters just don't seem to be carrying any sickles nor other tools. No sharp teeth, no claws, horns nor tails either.
 
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