What Does Recovery Look Like?

[midi]

Mercy,

Your description of it is wonderful! That's exactly how it is. Wow.

Aye, this place is great for all of us, for various reasons.

 

[patrick]

Mercy,

Your words are really something to think about, as usual. I have a tendency to feel guilty about anything that gives me pleasure, and to feel weak for indulging in that pleasure. Some days are better than others in that regard.

I'm feeling stronger today...more hopeful than I have in a long time. Not quite sure why, but I'll take it.

 

[cragger65]

That's good to hear Pat, and Mercy your words are welcome wisdom as always.

 

[kb101]

Pat, I feel exactly the same way. I cannot seem to get anything going either and I am very tired of it. For instance, I want a job, I need a job, but I'm both terrified and unmotivated. I feel like I live inside a heavy suit of armor. Every move takes so much effort.

The only thing that has been helping a little is music. To do anything (except maybe reading) I try to listen to motivating music, speakers, coaches on my portable mp3 player. Its great for the moment when I have to do chores/errands for example but as soon as the track is over I go back to my old self again.

Thank you joining, your post was something I could definitely relate to.

 

[fin]

hey mercy... I have said before its uplifting hearing someone so positive and its great for me personally to hear someone who is moving forward.
Hopeful
many thanks for your posting here
And you are sooo right this is a good place to not feel so isolated
~fin

 

[Cindy]

feeling isolated ...

As I read these words I was thinking about how I feel right now. I am isolated by my own self doing. But even if I was in a room full of people I still would be alone and isolated. No one knows what is going on in my head nor would anyone understand the feelings I have right now. People on this forum would but the average Joe - nope.

So the poison in my just stays bottled up and haunting. I will try to express it today through art and poetry.

The Forum offers refuge for me in that I don't have to often explain my reactions or responses to the nth detail because you all see or understand where the thoughts come from.

Cindy

 

[patrick]

I can't think of any time I feel more lonely than when I am feeling alone in a room full of people. And I hate to admit that I spend a fair amount of time feeling just that way these days. I do find understanding and support here, and feel like I am really getting to know some people I never have seen and never will. It's a new experience, and at my age I was beginning to think there was nothing new under the sun.

 

[heather q]

Lonely

The only time I really felt lonely was when I was married, I don't feel alone when I'm by myself, it's when I'm around people, parties or even the thought of them are just too much, I feel so out of place.
Heather

 

[patrick]

Hi Heather,

Funny how that works, isn't it. There is just something about being around other people, especially in a crowd for me, that just makes me feel so damn isolated. So different from everybody else - like I don't have whatever these other people have to be able to engage in the moment and the enjoyment of the company of others. If you find an answer to this conumdrum of feeling loneliest in a crowd, I hope you'll let me know.

Pat

 

[heather q]

Un-social gatherings

You bet Patrick, but I'll patent it first, I think it's worth a whole bunch, wouldn't it be nice to feel different, I shall definitely keep my eye's and ear's open and will fill you in, and don't forget to let me know if you get there first!!!

There was a Christmas party at work a few years ago, I got somebody to walk me in, then he deserted me, I was stunned, I also knew he didn't have to stay with me, that wasn't the issue, it was that I was imobilized by fear of being in that big room with all those people, that was awful. I still have the fear but it doesn't disable me to that extent.
Heather

 

[heather q]

I was able to take my blinder's off and see there is a future

Patrick, Dylan, Dust, She_Cat - you all inspire me.

Many of us can relate to feeling there isn't much time left.

I had read this a couple of weeks ago, it hit hard, I thought I felt this way because it was true, my therapist even asked how I see my future, I just shook my head. For a while I was haunted with "everyone's talking about a future" it was uncomfortable, something I hadn't envisioned. My story was no future, I hadn't even realized it, but I was living it, somehow.

Now things are beginning to change, I'm seeing changes in me that I like, it's an odd thing, it's as if I've discovered that there is something to me after all. There never used to be, it was embarrasing being me. I didn't look bad, I felt bad in so many ways that I didn't want a future. And I felt that way for so long.

I find that reading in this forum seems to start something for me, then my mind runs it over and over and then I re-read it and find more each time I read it.

What is spectacular is that things can turn around, just because we are all listening to ourselves and each other, I'm grateful to get to know myself through listening to you,
Heather