What Does Your Therapist Do When You Zone Out?

[tatertot]

I've done ths before when dealing with painful stuff and like the others have said, my T will try and bring me back by talking to me, asking me to look at her, letting me know I'm safe/okay.

I do wonder what she sees though as sometimes she will say, "where did you go?" I don't do it often and don't have DID but I'm curious what I look like and what she sees to see me all of a sudden "check out."

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hi I'm responding to you as I said I would when I responded to your other post. Unlike the others who responded, I don't dissociate, but I do have intrusive thoughts and flashbacks.

There was a recent thread about a therapist's touch policy, and I think this is where one comes into play. The first thing I thought of was @mytai's therapist and her rocking technique. While that would undoubtedly scare me, I think touch is one appropriate way to handle dissociation during sessions. I agree with the others that you should ask your therapist to explain her actions, as open communication is essential for progress, but I am wondering if knowing what she does when you "zone out" scares you? That if you knew or understood her reactions you would try to change or stop your feelings from coming to the surface, which can hinder progress in itself (trust me, I've been there done that)!

Don't know where you are in the healing process, but that would be my concern. I hope you find the answers you need to make therapy less confusing, and that office becomes a safe place for healing! Good luck!

 

[maddog]

Rather than merely asking your therapist to explain her strategy or technique, it may be useful to have a direct discussion with her about the ways and extent to which you do "zone out", what you experience/are aware of when you do, and the ways in which you have found it helpful for others to ground you or assist you to remain/return to the present. There are as many strategies for assisting someone to stay grounded as there are forms of "zoning out" and it sounds as though her method of seeking eye contact with you may be further distressing for you if it causes you to hide your face from her.

This is a really important understanding to reach within the therapy context and a key feature of an effective therapeutic relationship. If you both have a shared understanding of your dissociative pattern and the best way out of it, you will both have more confidence to tackle the issues that are likely to initiate that dissociative response, and thus to slowly build further capacity in you to stay grounded and to do the work of therapy.

Maddog

 

[mytai]

@HollyBeans27 my T's rocking technique combined with touch would scare me as well if she didn't take the time to talk through what she was doing. Even though my T has needed to do that several times now, she still verbalizes everything she is doing while she is doing it.

@ARE290260 It's important to ask questions. It helps build trust and confidence in your T. Asking questions has been one of the best things I've done for myself in therapy so far, other than being willing to try new things. Talk to your T about what she is doing, talk to her about how you zone out. My T found it helpful when I shared with her that I can hear her like she is very far away when I'm dissociating (when I'm starting to come back), because she knows that talking is working, we also had a discussion about whether the touch helped and if it was ok or not. If something scares you, tell your T. As amazing as some of them are, they aren't mind readers and don't always know if what they are doing is helping or hurting.

 

[BloomInWinter]

It's good to remember that dissociation is an excellent diagnostic tool for our therapists to identify the edge of the window of tolerance. When we get pushed beyond, our therapist knows that issue is a trigger and will try to help us lower our distress before it gets to that point the next time.

Mapping out a patient's trauma triggers is like laying down fencing in the dark. It takes time, and trial and error is just part of that process.

 

[desiderata310]

Been thinking about some of my early sessions. I won't make eye contact with my therapist. Refuse. There are some things I told him early on and I just can't bring myself to look at him. That said, he has asked me "what just happened there" He's told me to control my breathing (which by that point was not possible ha!) and I know he's asked me "where did you just go". He's said that I am "easy to read" and can tell when I've made an insight based on the expression on my face and as advised me (jokingly) to never play poker.

I remember early on we had an especially hard session and he asked me (arms open) if I wanted a hug. I thought he'd lost his mind! I shrank back and shook my head furiously. I don't like touching. Since then I know he's tried to break that touch barrier. A few weeks later tried a hand shake, last week a high five. Those are… pushing it. Yeah, I'm weird. I can see where someone rocking me when I get bad would be soothing. There have been once or twice in a session when things got so intense and I wished someone would hug me and tell me it was going to be ok.(wow ok, that got me crying) but I can't abide someone touching me. ESPECIALLY someone I don't trust. And I guess at the end of it, that's the problem there, I don't trust him.
I guess this wandered a bit off topic.

 

[Clementine]

Been thinking about some of my early sessions. I won't make eye contact with my therapist. Refuse....

I realize I'm replying to an old reply in an old thread, but wandering around the forums has been helpful since I found this site this week. Doesn't matter if anyone reads what I'm writing since it's helpful for me to even write about my feelings in itself.

If my psychologist touched me I would do a cartoonish Cat-flying-up-to-the-ceiling-and-hanging-upside-down-from-claws. It would absolutely unhinge me. I might even throw-up. But he knows me well enough to know not to make any movements that I'm not anticipating. I never make eye contact. I mentioned it early on in our relationship so that he wouldn't constantly seek eye contact. The only exception is when I dissociate (which happens at least once every other session). I can sense him
cocking his head, or adjusting his position in his chair...like he's very subtly attempting to flag me down. Oftentimes that small movement will bring me back but if not, he will just sit quietly with me. If I get stuck for over, say, five minutes, he'll very quietly, very gently, start talking until I return. There have been occasions where I've just looked at him through him for another long period, then float back into the sofa eventually and find I'm shaking my head 'no' but can't say anything. It's incredibly frustrating and weird.

When I'm in a really bad state, such as after a nightmare, and I'm anxious and wordless but can't even dissociate comfortably; I'm trapped in a panicked body, my husband will call my dog onto the bed and put my hand on her back and say "breathe like she does" until I can calm myself. This use to be a near-nightly occurrence but hasn't happened at all in the last year.

I once tried to see a therapist who was into some kind of body-work. Can't recall what this technique was. But apparently it involved physical contact. How I signed up for this unwittingly I'm not sure - just an example of how desperate but situationally unaware I was at the time - anyway, the first session he walked over and sat next to me and said "It's not your fault" and I burst into tears, cried for twenty minutes, got up and left the room and never went back. I still think of that moment.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I'm not sure I would ever again be able to let down my guard with my T if he tried to touch me when I'm shut down. He knows this and has never attempted any kind of touch, even a handshake. He shakes hands with my DH, though, and I've been surprised how painful it is to see that natural contact be so comfortable and easy for them, knowing it wouldn't be comforting for me at all.

On a related note...a bit OT...I don't like hugs at all except with my kids. But I've trained myself over the years to hug people at "appropriate" times. So that reflex has kicked in at the end of a few sessions...it seemed like I should hug him, but caught myself and realized that wouldn't be a good plan. I wondered if he could read on my face the confusion and the processing and the conflicting reflexes.

As for eye contact being used to bring me "back"...I struggle with eye contact just in normal conversation, so it's not a helpful technique to connect with me when I'm struggling. I worked with a lay counselor last year who insisted on eye contact from time to time, and it got to where I couldn't open up to her at all on anything within a few months. She just really had no clue what she was doing with a trauma client, and what's worse, she didn't know how much she didn't know.

What has worked...one of my Ts will say he's wondering what's going on with me, or what I'm thinking about. That helps to give me an opening to try and put words to whatever is going on in my head. My other T has done this, too, and also asks me to notice what I feel in my body, and where I'm in contact with the floor or the chair or whatever. Centering and grounding...they just want to keep verbal communication going, I guess, and help me stay in contact with the present while still being able to process the tough stuff on some level. But they never touch me , and never require eye contact. In fact, I seem to do better in those sessions where I give myself permission to not make any eye contact at all.

 

[Marmi]

My therapist will move around in his chair and try looking at me straight on. He will be aggressive in his tone when getting my attention and move closer in his chair. He will tilt his head and rest it on his finger.
I'm just comfortable there staring at the wall zoning out and petting my stuffed animal.

I think they just want to show patience, understanding, and interest.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I am new here, so if I am doing something wrong, feel free to correct me, and bare with me...

I'm ju...

O.K. I might help from the therapists place, knowing that you are in a place where you get stuck a therapist would want to try to guide you back gently. I think that would be a positive gesture from your therapist attempting to make eye contact, but only if it is done in a caring way: meaning the therapist should not try to get into your face: because that is aggression, and the therapist should not force a patient to make eye contact, because if the patient is not quite ready for that then it is intrusive and may cause fear in the patient.

 

[amosmorris]

My T says "Where'd you go?" or "What just happened there?"....sometimes I answer the first question with the honest truth: "Into the specks of dust on the carpet; into the pattern on the couch; into the bricks on the wall"....it always seems to start with my eyes getting stuck on something. But her identifying it this way has been helpful because we usually then try to figure out what the trigger was, and that's def lead to some of our most productive sessions. She does not make physical contact with me though I think it could help ground me if we discussed it.