What exactly "is" dysregulation?

[Ronin]

I think for me, the single worst aspect of my dysregulation is this: For some reason, "obsessing" and "hyperfocus" is part of how I dysregulate.

I think if I can find tools to deal with that single aspect of it, then that will make a profound difference. If I could just get the spiralling and escalating to stop, by stopping the obsessing and hyperfocus, then that would help a lot.

IDK if this will help, but something I learned for that spot from both ADHD & PTSD corner...

Piece it out & Time Outs.

As in hyperfocused on the whole thing? Revs up because it's one big acute problem. Breaking it down to parts, aspects, pieces, and hyperfocused on these *individually* may move the life urgency.

As in helloo brain, I got time. :smug: For this small stuff. Now chill with the whole. We have time enough to postpone it... as it just Ain't That Hot.

Timeouts... Allocating it rumination time, minutes to hour tops. (Hour to three is where I started from daylong rumination. Moved to hour. Moved down to minutes.)

Timer & stop it manually if have to. Until every time you force the halt becomes natural. And sliding out of rumination becomes easy peasy as not going *in* in the first place.

Helpful/not?
I'll think more if not / will try to get where is the issue harder.

 

[Shi]

For me, disregulation is like “being swallowed by my own emotions” and ot is usually something like overwhelming sadness or uncontrollable crying. I dont know when it will come, i cant always pinpoint the cause and i dont know how to “turn it off”. And the worst thing is i ofeyen feel like nobody understand(including me)....why ots happening and it makes everything feel so much worse. I just need to be held

 

[Friday]

Or the opposite end / off emotions spectrum...

Too in control, but something crucial missing, and not because chosen to.

As in can still act very well. Think it through. Execute tasks proportionally to situation. But that alone doesn't mean regulation, just a very good surface balance: good at hiding a maelstrom.

<grin> Yep Yep.

Hence out of control thoughts, feelings, (&) or behaviors.

Out of control thoughts or feelings don’t have to have out of control behaviors attached; and out of control behaviors can be in relations to exerting control over thoughts/feelings, so the thoughts and feelings are controlled by the behavior. And all variations therein.

All 3 things able to stand on their own, individually & unaffected by the others; and all 3 able to connect in various ways to any & all of the others. 3D and able to flow in both/all directions. Even at the same time, in different ways. An impossibly cool art project, but a pain in the ass to live.

***

Someone attacking someone else, or screaming at the sky, or shaking like a leaf, or bawling, flailing, rocking, babbling, what have you... can be just as dysregulated as the person sitting absolutely still -all lazy and catlike looking on the outside, all firestorm on the inside- or the person laying in bed, unable to get up. Someone’s thoughts can be wild, but their words and voice steady, or their voice rough and shaking whilst their thoughts and feelings are as calm as deep waters.

Less about affect / what other people see &/or how well someone presents... and far more about that persons center. ARE they centered? Regulated? Or dysregulated? Doesn’t matter what others see; Matters what is. Or is not.

***

Personally? I’m in a faaaaaaar worse place when the Cold & Hard is snapping into place, refusing to lift, or I’m losing my emotions entirely... than when I’m mouthing off and lashing out. Far more functional, but far worse off.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Helpful/not?
I'll think more if not / will try to get where is the issue harder.

Yes thank you :)

I've been finding everyone's input helpful and interesting and lots of food for thought.

So much food for thought, that I'm still chewing it all over and can't find proper replies yet, but thank you :hug:

So I've started making two lists:
1. what my brain does when I'm dysregulated (so I can spot it quickly)
2. the things that help me re-regulate (cos there are some)

I'm realllllllly crap at reaching out to the things and people and behaviours and situations that help me re-regulate.

Dysregulation = stuck and spiralling, for me.

I've noticed tho that "for some reason" music helps me re-regulate.
Not *all* music, but a surprisingly large amount.
And some music helps best of all.

It seems that for me, dysregulation = having a strong, negative emotion and feeling unable to "deal with it" as I would when I'm regulated.

So the emotion gets stuck and instead of being able to metabolise and process it, it just keeps becoming more intense until I think I'm going to go mad.

For some reason, music helps me *feel* the emotion.

And then, in a second step, if the lyrics are good and meaningful to what I'm feeling, then it also helps to find "words" for the emotions and to express them.

Also, if it'a song that's sad/ angry/ lonely/ scared/ whatever... then that seems to help validate the feeling too.

So music seems to help with: feeling the emotion, finding words for it, validating it.

All things I didn't learn much in childhood.

Also, some days I just feel like there's too many emotions... Like I've reached my limit.

Already processed 200 emotions that day... And am exhausted... Just can't deal with any *more* emotions.

Of course, some days I already feel like I've reached that limit at 10 am... :meh:

And then with PTSD, we get so much old, internal stuff bubbling up... that's invisible to other people and that we have to deal with on topof dealing with external life stuff.

I guess my brain stops being able to process emotions and then amplifies/ escalates the ones that are there and then totally freaks out about it.

Another thing that helps, literally, are benzos or alcohol, which seems to have a similar mode of action/ same effect.

Obviously, neither of those things are good solutions to problems in life, generally.

But I do feel like small quantities of either truly to help to "break" a dysregulation, when nothing else seems to help.

I'm wary to use them, cos of addiction risks, but like pain meds or sleep meds, I think I use them very sparingly and responsibly.

And drinking a bottle of wine seems preferable to getting so dysregulated that I'm suicidal, sometimes.

But yeah, going to try and focus on healthy grounding and regulating techniques instead, so that I don't need the less-ideal ones on the days that are hairy.

Thanks again for all the great thoughts and descriptions and perspectives.

I'm finding that hearing about other ppl's *experience* of their dysregulation is making mine more tangible to me.

 

[Shi]

Im sad everyone and anyone has to go through this stuff. But it makes me feel better to know im not alone in it. Thank you all. Much love?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I've noticed tho that "for some reason" music helps me re-regulate. Not *all* music, but a surprisingly large amount. And some music helps best of all.

It seems that for me, dysregulation = having a strong, negative emotion and feeling unable to "deal with it" as I would when I'm regulated. So the emotion gets stuck and instead of being able to metabolise and process it, it just keeps becoming more intense until I think I'm going to go mad.

For some reason, music helps me *feel* the emotion. And then, in a second step, if the lyrics are good and meaningful to what I'm feeling, then it also helps to find "words" for the emotions and to express them. Also, if it'a song that's sad/ angry/ lonely/ scared/ whatever... then that seems to help validate the feeling too.

I just also realised another reason why music helps me re-regulate... It doesn't just help me connect to my own emotions.

Growing up with mentally ill parents, one of whom was a perp, I never saw healthy emotions modelled in the people around me.

I saw people either being emotionally numb, emotionally hystrionic, or emotionally cold/ vicious in a violent way.

I never witnessed *appropriate* emotional responses to *anything* growing up in my family of origin.

So with music, hearing someone singing about their emotions in a way that is relatable, understandable, appropriate, heartfelt, healthy...

I think it helps remind my traumatised core brain that other people are not all bad. That other people have real emotions, that they feel healthy things, that they don't turn their feelings into an excuse for engaging in perp behaviour.

So I think music both helps me connect to my emotions and connect to the emotions of others, and to feel like our feelings can be in some kind of harmony... That we can relate to each other and that I'm not stuck in a victim/perp dichotomy where the perp doesn't care about my feelings and I can't understand the perp's emotions.

I think on that fundamental level, music helps restore my faith in human connection, in an immediate and pragmatic way. It's "proof" in the moment, that at least some other people feel the same way I do and that I feel the same way they do.

It makes me sad to think what a wasteland I grew up in... A desert of abuse, neglect and mental illness.

No wonder I find "emotional regulation" challenging. :meh:

 

[Innordinate]

So for me, dysregulation means a total loss of control. Sometimes I can see myself saying and doing mean and/or stupid shit and i can hear myself being like "shut up! stop already!" but have zero control over what I'm doing or saying etc. It's pure rage. At least the most extreme kind. Pure rage and acting on it.

Medium range. I dunno.

Mild dysregulation.. I don't know either. hadn't really thought of it as on a spectrum like that. Or, frankly, that it could include more emotions than just anger and rage, until recently.

So. mild dysregulation would be, well all would be where my brain just stops working completely. Doesn't process. Can't find solutions to anything. Can't take in new verbal information, or visual info very quickly and react appropriately. like freezing. Being stuck. No outburts though, just .. internal melt down.

So, going by that then... if that's mild... moving up the spectrum means outward reactions increase. Meltdowns. Tantrums like @Friday mentioned; like toddlers but adult size instead. yup.

Hate it.
There's probably a small window of opportunity to catch it and deal with it appropriately. Small window I've noticed but I think I'm getting better at catching it and getting control over emotions. Take a time out.

yeh. It's shut down mode.

 

[Justmehere]

I think about a dial on a radio,like volume control.

A radio that is regulated: I can turn it loud when needed and quieter when needed.
A radio that is dysregulated: I can't turn it loud when needed and quieter when needed.

Feeling strong emotions isn't the sign of dysregulation. It's simply being human. There are times in life where strong emotions are helpful. The issue is when they are out of control and the dial is spinning itself. Dissociation is a sign of dysregulation. It's a symptom of emotions being TOO strong and out of control for the person to stay present and connected to themselves and/or the world around them.

 

[Deanna]

I guess my brain stops being able to process emotions and then amplifies/ escalates the ones that are there and then totally freaks out about it.

Me too. I feel like I'm - 'on hold'.

 

[shimmerz]

I see dysregulation as my nervous system being jacked up. I work first thing in the morning at 5/5/5 breathing, calming routines, exercise like walking (still working at this), seeking out beauty that is awe inspiring in order to keep a grip on keeping my nervous system at a proper baseline in order to give myself the best chance at having a great day.

 

[Mach123]

IDK but it’s not good . I don’t want to explore it, I feel like a lab rat. Let them observe me and they can tell me about it, and I’ll say “no, it’s not like that.”

This might pass as a definition.