What Happens When You Are Triggered?

[blueskies]

The fog is clearing enough now for me to recognize certain patterns as symptomatic of my PTSD. Thank goodness.

One of the things I've pieced together only very recently is this: When something triggers me, there are three things that happen in quick succession: first I find it difficult to speak at all (this lasts maybe 1-2 minutes), then I go immediately into a kind of stupor where my brain gets *frozen* and I cannot think clearly (this lasts anywhere from 5-15 minutes), and all of this is followed by intense and overwhelming physical exhaustion, which usually means I have to stop whatever I'm doing and go for a nap as quickly as I can.

My question: does anybody else recognize or relate to any of this? I feel sometimes like I have to be a sleuth with my PTSD symptoms, even though I have a great therapist and we've done a lot of work together.

Can anybody relate? :dontknow: I am new to this forum and just getting my feet wet.

Thanks for reading.

 

[liv now]

Hi Blueskies. Wow! I thought I was reading about myself. Two Friday's ago I had a session with my therapist. I got triggered and instantly started uttering unintelligable sounds (parts of words). I then couldn't think or take anything in. As it was the end of session my therapist got me to sit in another room. I fell asleep in there. I had never experienced things so extreme until then. It took a few days for me to make sense of this. I think I "lost time" in this process too. I have realised I need to do more "grounding" work when this happens. Thanks so much for sharing. I really can relate.

 

[kayjay]

Hey both,
I get the communication thing too. Find it extremely hard to hold my thoughts in one place, they all seem to slip away and I can't talk. It's a bit like my whole rational mind goes blank, and I know I must be feeling or thinking something, but I have no idea what! :doh:
If I'm inside, a lot of the time I get really restless and panicky and have to get out/away. Freaked out a friend the first time it happened when I stayed over at her house!
I haven't worked out what triggers it yet, so it seems really uncontrollable...:dontknow:

 

[Manic11]

Blueskies,

The same symptoms happen to me, for the most part. I have trouble getting any words out, I start to shake and get figgity, I lose ability to think clearly or regularly, most of the time I have to try to keep from discossiating. Sometimes, I can prevent it...sometimes I can't. But after the panic settles I'm suddenly beyond exhausted...like I've pulled an overnighter to go for a 3 hour jog...

Welcome to the forum Blueskies.
You are not alone!

Manic

 

[Dylan]

Hi BlueSkies,

Yep, I sure can (relate).

It's PTSD trauma-wiring:

1) My brain evaluates stimulus (often-times unconsciously, which explains why I sometimes go into the trigger-cycle and don't even consciously remember anything setting it off; unconscious evaluative processing is up to 20,000,000 pieces per second; conscious evaluative processing is ~40 pieces per second).

2) My (reptilian, sub-cortical) brain makes the nano-second evaluation and decides: DANGER. The "danger-namer" - just to be safe - can make very broad generalizations so that even if something only vaguely resembles some piece of the original traumatizing experience, it will take action; it goes by the "just in case" rule I guess. :wink: To ensure survival, the danger evaluating center shuts down that ol' pesky SLOW neocortex (cognitive reappraisal - the part that might say, "Oh hey, hold the phone, this isn't REAL danger, folks"; the neocortex also includes our speech center, explaining why speech may elude me).

3) A series, or rather, a domino effect of hormonal and chemical reactions begins. Adrenalin is released (fight or flight!). Blood rushes to the big muscles for immediate action (which is why I can't feel my lips, and my feet and hands get cold). Epinephrine and norepinephrine increase, cortisol levels jump. And then, with no "real" danger to respond to, the inevitable slump/crash.

Nature endowed us with a remarkable system to keep ourselves alive. Understanding what happens to my body during a "trigger" helps me understand why it's so exhausting; when all those chemicals aren't utilized, it just floats around my body until they're processed (why I'm such a HUGE proponent of exercise for us PTSD folks)).

I think that, before getting diagnosis and treatment, this constant cycling of fight/flight and crash is a big part of the insidiousness of this thing...the body is being torn apart by these responses and our poor brains, once they come back "online" after a trigger, are bewildered and there seems to be no way out. When nothing in its internal repertoire seems to work, the brain just starts looking for external relief ("hedonic rewards") like alcohol, drugs, etc. But I digress into theory....

Sometimes a trigger is just all about recovery: aerobic exercise to bring all the levels down; TaiChi, yoga or some other concentrated body/mind unifying exercise to bring me back to balance; meditation and cognitive tools to bring my neocortex back into control and not lead to further self-traumatizing (by my auto-reaction and chemical responses): the more I trigger and DON'T use tools afterward, the more hard-wired those triggers become (in my experience).

For me, it's also been immensely helpful to work on increasing my inner sense of security by working on a "compassionate inner voice" - almost like a "good parent"; one that, as soon as possible after a trigger, can begin helping me repair my damaged inner sense of safety and will comfort that panicked part of me, the voice that can say, "It's ok, you're safe. Wow, that was scary, wasn't it? Whew! But you ARE safe...it's ok..."

HTH-it sure helps me to understand WHAT and WHY!

-Dylan

 

[heather q]

..I thought I was reading about myself...I got triggered, I then couldn't think or take anything in...

This happens to me, most often when I'm in a learning situation, exacty when it's most embarrasing, I had one ski lesson and ended up crying, the instructor of course yelled at me and I got worse.

I dissociate and it appears to those teaching me that I'm unable to learn, I have to go about learning on my own and it takes much more effort for me than should be necessary. I went through four years of an apprenticeship while struggling to hide it, I thought I was defective and was scared of being found out, I still am, although I'm beginning to understand what is going on, I have a lot of guilt about being inadequate and feeling incompetent. I do good work on my own but amongst a group I freeze up, I took a lot of crap from one teacher in particular, he wrongfully belittled me many times in front of my peers, so badly that I still have it going through my mind and I still react the same way.

Just this last week, I felt threatened and started to dissociate, I backed out of the learning process and stayed aware of what was happening, I could not pickup what I was being told, later I got a drawing and studied it, with colour pencils, traced out the piping, then I could see it wasn't difficult to understand. But at the time I was overwhelmed and shaking, almost in tears several times. I always say to myself that I will learn it next time, that takes the pressure off at that moment, but I need to learn this stuff as it happens, it is my job, most of the time this stuff is not difficult, but when I have gone, I have no ability to think.

The question I wonder is how can I have struggled for so long with this condition and still survived knowing nothing about it all these years, what held me together and secondly what caused it to happen to me. It has always been there, fear I think, and that comes from a forgotten time.

I want to learn Gigong, last time I tried I couldn't keep up, I felt mentally defective, I couldn't remember what I'd just done, couldn't remember the name of anything and found it totally exhausting. The instructor was patient with me and could see something wasn't right, he explained that I was sensitive to other people's emotions that I was picking up. I felt like I was out of myself and couldn't stand showing myself to other's and couldn't face putting myself through it any more. I felt so disoriented and odd and out of place.

Heather

 

[Gunchief]

When Im triggered I seem to stop all conversations, and then find a place to escape to, at work it is difficult if not impossible which makes the anxiety peak even more. Heart rate goes up, depending on the trigger vigiliance kicks in. Which at work sucks but on a cruise ship in a foriegn port is the worse.
Usually last about 1 1/2 - 2 hours feels like days then I am exhausted and confused.
Dave
Sometimes I give one word answers which all people "love" that dont understand PTSD symptoms.

 

[Cate]

What happens when you are triggered?

Hi blueskies.

I'm still trying to figure out this site so I'm not sure if my posting will reach you.

When I'm triggered I become lightheaded. Then I know that my heart will start pounding and I will develop a pressure in my throat. I will start to hyperventilate and tremble. I will then have difficulty putting my thoughts together and, when I try to verbalize my thoughts, I may begin to stutter.

I am at the stage now where I have learned to avoid ALL triggers and I am continuing to surround myself with extremely supportive people. I'm so happy that you posted because it helps me to realize (once again) that I'm not alone with this.

Cate

 

[sisyphe]

I've never been conscious of the fact that I couldn't speak when I was triggered, because my mind so quickly descends into such a total state of chaos that any thought to say anything would get completely lost in the confusion of a million different things going through my head all at once. Sometimes when I'm trying to say something that might bring up bad emotions and trigger me though, I find it impossible to say things no matter how much I want to, because it's like my chest crystallizes and I stop breathing every time I try to speak -- it's really frustrating, and in the end all I can do is shake my head and give up trying. After I've been triggered, I've never felt like sleeping, but I usually seem to end up dissociating at that point.

 

[Cate]

what happens when you are triggered

I likened my dissociation to living inside of a bubble with the 'real' world going on outside of me, or even like watching a move which I wasn't a part of. Now, when I have days of clarity, I feel very emotional and vulnerable. It does seem to be getting better and I'm able to laugh again, but I encourage anyone with PTSD to seek talk-therapy because it's the only thing that's helped me.

 

[blueskies]

Wow -- thank you for all the replies!!

I am amazed.

I have a very good therapist and NP for meds, but even they couldn't say to me "that is definitely a trigger response". Or maybe my therapist could but she (in her own sage way) opted to let me talk it/figure it out on my own ... which I did. As I say, it became clearer over time what this pattern was.

I am sure, sure, as sure as I can be that for decades (my trauma was in childhood, chronic and repetitive) I had been cycling through this pattern and just never was aware enough to identify it. I have developed an eating disorder (binge eating) that blotted so much out, lots of emotions and also this awareness that I feel I've fought so hard for.

It's a complicated business, this PTSD. I am dx'd Major Depressive Disorder but my therapist believes that it falls under the larger umbrella of PTSD. In the end, what do the labels really matter? I know what's happening with myself better than anybody else.

Or if I'm lucky, I do.

Thank you all for confirming and sharing about triggering symptoms ... I feel much less ALONE!!!

peace,

blueskies

 

[blueskies]

Dylan, this is very very helpful, thanks. I am one of those people who analyzes and needs to know, too ... if I can grasp it intellectually in some way I feel that I have some say in managing it. Does that make sense?

As you say -- understanding the WHAT and WHY helps so much! Well, it helps me, anyway.

:thumbs-up