What Have You Told Or Haven't Told Your Partner

[shogun]

The past 4 relationships I've been in have all burned to Hell. The women leave all screaming some variance of "F you and your F-ing PTSD you psycho" they all saw their share of flashbacks. I've been on meds for the past 2 years, counseling for 4. I always try to share as much as I was comfortable with. I at least wanted my partners to be prepared. Is avoiding all military related topics a better choice?

 

[Jimmy1]

Is avoiding all military related topics a better choice?

Mate, until you can manage your symptoms better, you have to start removing all the things that trigger you out of your general environment, so yes, military topics of discussion would be one. Sometimes this forum can take a toll, especially reading through the threads.

The same goes with watching movies like 'The Hurt Locker' etc, and in the early days of therapy, even games like B3 and COD can trigger unwelcome thoughts.

 

[Anglesachse]

Seconded...

 

[tho9900]

as much as Nichol is the light of my life and supported me in some of the darkest hours... she still knows maybe 5% of what I did and saw... and for now??? that works... it's one baby step at a time...

And ya Jimmy said it... sometimes this forum takes the scabs off old wounds way too fast... jsut gotta roll with it tho.. cuz unlike a lot of other people we will all be there for you when you get back..

 

[T^3]

Never told my first husband, also military, but he didn't care since he had his own demons, divorced after 11 years. My second husband, 100% civi, I've only shared bits and pieces, just enough for his FMLA paperwork approval to help out when I need it.
T

 

[Jimmy1]

It's your personal choice of course, but if you want him to understand why you occasionally go off ranting about shit, it would be a good idea to get him to read some of the articles on here. Just my opinion.

 

[armyvetwolf]

I guess my hubby and I were lucky to be dual military(both in at the same time). We have known each other since 99 and got married in 04 after the birth of our first child, our oldest now. We were dual military till i was discharged in 07 after the birth of my second child. I am his second wife and he is my first hubby. He is 5 years older but age is just a number and he had 5 yrs on me as far as yrs in the army. We have been pretty honest with each other about our past, he knows what happened to me over there. We both went through hell and back, sometimes together but mostly apart. Our kids keep us moving forward in life. Even with my PTSD my kids have my back, though they are still young and innocent. Hubby doesn't understand because he suffers differently i suppose. He is trying to learn why i am why i am. At least he knew me before i had PTSD and still loves me regardless. I am holding on to dear life, hoping this doesn't tear our marriage apart.

 

[shogun]

That seems to be a big divider with the relationships I have in my life, "knowing me before the PTSD" people who knew me prior seem to stick around more.

 

[Panda]

I wouldn't know the words. Anyone that doesn't know it will NOT understand it.
In my experience no one gives a shit, it took me about a week after returning home to figure out people only wanna know how many people you killed, or what rank you were, like it was some kind of qualifying criteria for being deemed fashionably interest worthy.
What happened is private to me, I keep it to myself, I kinda think of it as a silent respect for those who didn't return home.

 

[tho9900]

ya when I got my present job about a month into it I went to lunch with the guys.... we're all sitting around talking, they ask what I did before I got hired there... gave them the usual roundabout answer... same question as always.... "did u go to the desert..." answered and then as always here it came... "did you kill any body"

Sometimes I think you could put all of us in a room and we would be fine.. throw in someone who never served,, never went there and bam.,. it would all go to hell...

 

[armyvetwolf]

I wouldn't know the words. Anyone that doesn't know it will NOT understand it.
In my experience no one gives a shit, it took me about a week after returning home to figure out people only wanna know how many people you killed, or what rank you were, like it was some kind of qualifying criteria for being deemed fashionably interest worthy.
What happened is private to me, I keep it to myself, I kinda think of it as a silent respect for those who didn't return home.

Panda, i got that too when i returned, from a inlaws husband...of course he was curious and asked the typical questions, did you shoot anyone, did u see dead people, etc. I answered him full on unafraid, but soon I got a lil offended when he asked personal stuff because I was a female soldier. How did you keep yourself clean, did you shower with the guys...that was just plain rude. You will get people who are inconsiderate and ignorant to the fact that you went through some shit over there.

 

[IraqVet86]

I am terrible at direct conversation with non-vets. My anxiety goes through the roof just thinking about talking to my wife about anything less than trivial things regarding my experiences. I have however, been able to slip a story or two into camp-fire drinking sessions with war buddies when she is around.
She usually sits quietly and listens to us talk, then slips away so we can deal with it ourselves.