What Have You Told Or Haven't Told Your Partner

[Jimmy1]

Mate, I will ask you this then. Wouldn't you feel better going to sleep at night if your wife had more of an understanding. You don't have to share the blood and gore, but being able to share the fact that you were fearful for your life and that you saw horrors that you would never want her to see would be a consolation.

 

[IraqVet86]

I would feel better being able to talk to her, but I can't. I talk to her in my own way.
This is actually one of the things I am currently trying to deal with, with my VA shrink. I am always avoiding triggers.

 

[tho9900]

ya stick with the VA... Nic doesn't know pretty much about anything when I was in... only I was... and I saw some screwed up shit... and that I am grateful she is there to help me carry on... maybe down the road you can visit that with your shrink.. lately I have opened up a lil more after the dude drowned in the pool and I had to fish him out... when you are rdy... don't rush it..

for me we don't talk about ANYTHING.. sometimes it spills out of my mouth though and omg that feels so good...

 

[Pepsi]

Hey everyone. Two weeks sober in the mountains. Feel like shit, but working the problem. Without my job, I have time for that. I can't thank you all enough for the words, encouragement and cameraderie. I'm heading back to the boonies again tonight, then more treatment, doctors apts, vet center, VA here, VA there. meds. All that shit. I'll check back in when I'm back on the grid. Thanks for everything.

 

[Wagon]

Nice going Pepsi. Hang tough man. Always someone here to talk to.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey everyone. Two weeks sober in the mountains. Feel like shit, but working the problem. Without my job, I have time for that. I can't thank you all enough for the words, encouragement and cameraderie. I'm heading back to the boonies again tonight, then more treatment, doctors apts, vet center, VA here, VA there. meds. All that shit. I'll check back in when I'm back on the grid. Thanks for everything.

Hey Pepsi, awesome going. Sometimes you just need a little time and space. We are here for you if you need us though.

I can't wait till I live in the boonies.

 

[medic5]

Good job Pepsi. Hope all goes well with the appointments. Life in the boonies is great.

 

[Bill Simmons]

Hey everyone. Two weeks sober in the mountains. Feel like shit, but working the problem. Without my job, I have time for that. I can't thank you all enough for the words, encouragement and cameraderie. I'm heading back to the boonies again tonight, then more treatment, doctors apts, vet center, VA here, VA there. meds. All that shit. I'll check back in when I'm back on the grid. Thanks for everything.

Keep you head on best you can...been thinking about you..Va really f*cked with me today so a little worn out.. Very glad to hear from you. Call me when you get back. I may need you to talk me down a notch or two. I am always there for you Pepsi, both when I feel good and when I feel like shit. I went off on the f*cking so called Dr today...not a good thing but she had it coming. Had some help from some good people there so did not end bad,

At least they said we are writting all this shit down and putting it in my record. First time I really went off on them.Just got tired of the bull shit. Drove two hundred twenty miles and the Dr did not show up for work and they said I would have to wait another two months for my meds. Well...I got the f*cking meds but I had to be a real ass hole about it. Not my stile, but I done with being f*cked with without a real fight.

 

[Squaddiedave]

I wasqnt going to my wife what happened, just said I had a bad day at the office. I came home on r and r, and got wasted, I mean blind drunk, (sure we can all relate to that!?)
At that point she looked me dead in my rather squify eyes and said ' out with it **** (last name lol).
And I did, balling, shaking, snotting ball of emotions and sadness, then anger.
Started having a flash back as I spoke through it like being back there again.
Afterwards I went to bed a wreck. When I got up the next morning I hated myself for doing it. Too much pressure on her.
I'm going through a point now where I can't see why she's with me, this horrible failure that I've become. Scared shitless of losing her, but can understand why she'd leave. Just dont know at the moment.
Bad day, rambling. Sorry folks.

 

[Bill Simmons]

The fear and pain we inflect on our self and others is part of living with the beast. We all fear the outcome of our actions and the possible loss of people we love and care about. I just try to get up every day and start over. Beating the shit out of myself never helped at all and I have done enough of that to know.

This is not a steady state condition or at least it is not for me. What ever is going to happen is most likely not under my control most of the time. It is kinda like being in a fire fight...the outcome is never a sure thing. I try to get and to give what I can one day at a time. I have no way to change the past and can only work toward a better future.

Bottom line...all I have for sure is right now. I am gona try to make the best of it today.

 

[Jimmy1]

I wasqnt going to my wife what happened, just said I had a bad day at the office. I came home on r and r, and got wasted, I mean blind drunk, (sure we can all relate to that!?)
At that point she looked me dead in my rather squify eyes and said ' out with it **** (last name lol).
And I did, balling, shaking, snotting ball of emotions and sadness, then anger.
Started having a flash back as I spoke through it like being back there again.
Afterwards I went to bed a wreck. When I got up the next morning I hated myself for doing it. Too much pressure on her.
I'm going through a point now where I can't see why she's with me, this horrible failure that I've become. Scared shitless of losing her, but can understand why she'd leave. Just dont know at the moment.
Bad day, rambling. Sorry folks.

Dave,

Low self esteem is one thing we all suffer from, but seeing yourself as a failure is not on mate. How about you ask her mate how she feels.

I was misdiagnosed in 2002 and my ex-wife put up with four years of me blubbering on when drunk, abusing the children for small things, swearing at her if things were not done my way. When I was finally diagnosed and she got given the information on PTSD and what to expect, she decided she could not handle it.

They don't need what happened, they just need to know how we have changed and how it can be managed. The rest is their choice, we can't make it for them.

I have seen so many members of this forum wondering why their partners have not left them. They spend so much time hating themselves rather than spending the time trying to live life. If I had known back in 02 what I know now, everything would have changed, and to add to Bill's post is a favorite quote of mine.

You can't change the past, and worrying about the future will only ruin the present.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Can't help the failure thoughts, something I've carried for years, and has been a driving force behind me for a long time. Standing joke with the guys "****o's boys, we don't do quit, and we sure as hell don't do fail"
The situation that finally brought the beast to my, well our lives, is something that rationally, I know there was nothing I could of done, nothing else. The other part won't accept that, and throws failure at me. Never had particularly high self esteem but this has battered what little I do have.
Me and mrs squaddie have been through a lot in our 15 years together, and know each other well, think the difference is with the beast, it's totally like having a different persona almost, well that's how I, and after actually talking to mrs squaddie, she feels as well.
Like the doc said, perhaps there's more going on than just the shit I've seen done since wearing green, which he wants to explore with EMDR. I'm bricking it about that, revisiting army hard times and stuff from my other civvie life.
Even though I struggle to understand why she is with me, (she's gorgeous, witty funny intelligent, the list goes on) on my good days and after some help on my bad days as well I just need to reside to the fact she IS with me
Thanks for the words guys, lot of wise people here.