What If Talking Really Doesn't Help?

[heidi]

It's said it's important to work through things.. but does it really help? Since nothing really helps what if this doesn't either.

 

[The Albatross]

Well... if I stayed in my head and never found a voice, I'd be dead by now. That's all I know.

 

[Zipperhead]

I don't know why it helps. My biggest fear was what if I couldn't say what needed to be said. My psycologist was good, and I talked. It didn't take long (4 sessions) before even I noticed an improvement. Get it out there Heidi. Don't let "what if" sabotage you.

 

[Jenny-begins.....]

I have just started on this journey and I am a bit scared as well. But after talking to a therapist last week and joining this forum, I am feeling quite empowered and happy these past few days. I think it won't hurt to try.....

 

[BloomInWinter]

I do believe it has been crucial to helping me.

My abusers put 'introjects' into my thinking patterns that I never realized were there, nor that they were irrational, abusive, or otherwise unhealthy for me. But when I say them out loud...they really stand out.

But, I used to talk to the wrong people. It doesn't have to be a T., but the person does need to be empathetic, kind, trustworthy...and non-judgmental.

"...seven features that researchers have found contribute to the power and effectiveness of psychodynamic psychotherapy: "exploring emotions, examining avoidances, identifying recurring patterns, discussing past experience, focusing on relationships, and examining the patient/therapist relationship."

Source: [DLMURL]http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201011/does-talk-therapy-really-work[/DLMURL]

What if it could work for you?

 

[heidi]

Hi,
I guess I didn't mean talking in general. I mean specifically talking about things that have to do with trauma.
People always say that talking about the trauma helps.. but then again there is a ceiling to how much we can improve anyway. Does it really help? Or do we just think that it helps?

Having someone point out my irrational thoughts should help. But it doesn't help because I already know they are irrational. I just can't believe it.And of course I get tense hoping somebody won't say something that sets me back. And I get so scared I tense up while only half hearing the words. So really a person would have to be exactly understanding, exactly sensitive to say/not say the things that help or at least don't hurt.

Everybody talks about how things get kicked up while discussing issues, but that it gets better. Does it really get better through talking about it? I know even with myself it's always worse for me to even think about it. I'm not sure going into the heart of it and talking about it really does help. And reading other people's stuff I'm not sure if it's helping them either.

And I mean I think it's a separate then 'having a voice'.. because yes that helps. I just mean specifically with traumatic issues.

 

[heidi]

and I mean it just seems like psychology looks at problems through its own healthy mind. And of course for normal issues it's always helpful to talk. I honestly am beginning to think psychology has no clue here.

 

[OKRADLAK]

No it did not help me. In fact, it almost got me into terrible trouble.

No.....I do DBT and find that it helps because you do not talk about events, but feelilngs and how to alter them if you must or endure them if you cant.

I am a big fan of DBT. Saved a lot of people.

 

[scaldedsheep]

Talking has never helped me. Nothing has really helped me with trauma memories but you do get used to just being depressed and living with it. A psychologist I had once told me that life is mostly gray. He was right. If you can accept the fact that life is meaningless and you'll never feel the same you'll just become devoid of all feeling enough to be able to function. Functioning is good. I suppose it's better then being dead and definitely better then being in an institution. Talking definitely always just made me angry like no one was listening.

 

[Abrasky]

Talking didn't help me if it was 'just talking' to a councellor. But finding the right therapist to do 'linking' where emotions that are connected to repressed emotions from trauma did help. If this happens you should burst into tears and feel a release of emotions(in my experience). It is a slow process, takes many years, but the each release helps you a bit and there is a difference.
I've been 'linking' for 13 years now, and the repressed anger and hurt in me from years of abuse still has a lot to say. I think if it doesn't help, you need to find someone who helps you cry a bit more. That is my experience
I think the mods here have a good explanation of it in the cup of emotions. It says your brain can only release as much of your cup at any one time that you can cope with.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I think talking about the trauma won't help if there isn't the trust to 'let down' the walls. If I wasn't building a strong therapeutic alliance, I'd find someone else.

We aren't doing any trauma processing yet. We're still working on me not shutting down during sessions.

My T., early on...after I fired him (& went back, LOL), said very emphatically and in a caring manner... 'If you EVER leave here feeling worse...please, SAY SOMETHING.

..and though he does 'push me'...he also cares. Of that, I have no doubt. ...and I am now traveling a (mostly) worthwhile, if exhausting and painful trek. But...I do ALWAYS have the choice on pacing and what we discuss.

I choose to no longer accept the lonely meaningless grey desert I was traveling. But it's taken me 1 1/2 years to begin trusting my T....and even more, myself to handle whatever comes up.

Now, I know I can handle any of my emotions. Far different than just being shut down all the time...and it feels better.

MOSTLY.

 

[heidi]

Talking has never helped me. Nothing has really helped me with trauma memories but you do get used to just being depressed and living with it. A psychologist I had once told me that life is mostly gray. He was right. If you can accept the fact that life is meaningless and you'll never feel the same you'll just become devoid of all feeling enough to be able to function. Functioning is good. I suppose it's better then being dead and definitely better then being in an institution. Talking definitely always just made me angry like no one was listening.

haha. thank you. exactly.