What If Talking Really Doesn't Help?

[TLight]

I don't know. Just don't know.
Stay away, as far away as possible from life's negatives: complainers, stress, dysfunction, perversion.
Stay close, as close as possible to things that give you even a tiny bit of peace: for me, my horse and riding.

As far as talking? Well, I'm back in therapy again and the guy says he can fix me by facing it. I still think there's just way TOO much to face....I mean, I'm 46 now, I'm supposed to spend the next 20 years facing the things I know were horrific, let alone all the tons of crap that really did me in where I dissociated?

I don't know. Having sort of a bad day today. When I don't feel well physically, I go down the tubes.

I'm back in therapy again, but I'm not sure why.

 

[cat]

Talking really does help! The therapy process as most of us know is challenging, horrible, embarrassing & totally exhausting. But.... the upside of it is recovery, it takes small steps, a huge amount of patience & strength & the support & guidance of a good therapist. I will never be able to thank my T enough for the support, guidance & 'kick in the right direction' she gave me during 21/2yrs of therapy.

After 55 yrs of not talking about my feelings I am living proof that it works, life is so much easier now I understand my traumas & myself better.

 

[The Albatross]

They say avoidance doesn't work.. but well what do you call that second form then?

Reprossessing in a safe environment.

 

[heidi]

Reprossessing in a safe environment.

well I mean getting your mind off of things. It may have a nice name, but it's pretty close to avoidance.
And I take it to mean that reprossessing in a safe environment is one in which you discuss things with therapist?
Or maybe you hold off on these bad thoughts until safely in their realm?
It's a nice idea, but...

 

[The Albatross]

Yes reprocessing in a safe enviroment is discussing things with a therapist, it is also learning and using tools to manage your own thoughts and feelings. No I don't hold off on thoughts and feelings (tried it for 35 years and all it did was drive my frustration, anxiety, fears, depression, agoraphobia, tendency to misuse drugs (in my early 20's) and then have a battle royale with alcoholism.

It isn't an idea and you've lost me completely Heidi... what are you really wanting to know here? You initially asked if talking really helped... now you seem to want something else. What is it?

 

[heidi]

No, I wanted to discuss whether talking about trauma is really actually helpful.
Then I guess I got off track. Which happens in normal conversations, but I guess shouldn't in thread topics.

 

[cat]

Heidi, the simple answer is Yes it really does help. x

 

[anthony]

well I mean getting your mind off of things. It may have a nice name, but it's pretty close to avoidance.

It is avoidance... no question about it. Is avoidance always a bad thing though? No... no its not. Sometimes avoidance is just as healthy as the best proactive options, in fact it can be a proactive option in some situations.

Like anything, avoidance is an issue if a problem exists, being a negative, and at no point within your day or week is that problem being dealt with. Now avoidance is hindering you, not helping you.

So when you use avoidance with trauma, avoidance is a hindrance to your recovery, not a help towards your recovery.

and I mean it just seems like psychology looks at problems through its own healthy mind. And of course for normal issues it's always helpful to talk. I honestly am beginning to think psychology has no clue here.

I agree... psychology is useless with PTSD pretty much. Why? Because psychology looks at "what's wrong" instead of "what's right."

You can meet 10 psychologists in a group with an 11th person who has PTSD. Of the 10 psychologists, 5+ will begin psychoanalysing the person for the problems, then trying to tell them what is wrong, why its wrong and how to fix it.

Psychoanalytic approach has been proven as unhelpful in the majority of therapy, hence why therapy has changed significantly towards a more "positive asset" approach. In other words, not whats wrong, but whats right and how can whats right be used to help the persons problems.

Come back to our group of psychologists, and depending on when they got their training and how their attitude in general is, will depend whether they try and fix you, or whether they shut-up and just listen to you and talk with you, providing a feedback loop to help you solve your own problems.

So, does talking help? Well, yes it does, however; define talking about your problem! Talking is not about you opening your mouth necessarily, hence why EMDR exists... all cognitively processed in your mind without having to talk about your trauma, but you must think about it. You already think about it, knowingly or not, if you are suffering overwhelming symptoms, nightmares, constant thoughts of your past, triggers, etc.. then you are thinking about it.

You only need take that and put it into a medium that suits you. EMDR is in your head, Prolonged Exposure normally uses writing, talk therapy uses talking, mental imagery / art therapy uses pictures and interpretations... the list goes on and on.

Either way, if you are suffering then you're thinking about your trauma. To stop the suffering, pick your therapy and medium and get it out of you... no more dirty little secrets. That alone will not solve your trauma, you must pull your thinking apart and ensure its completely rational and realistic. If its not, then you could be blaming yourself for something you don't rightfully have blame. You could be ashamed or feeling guilty of something you have no shame or guilt ownership off... etc etc.

Saying that... you could have ownership in areas and need to find ways of coping with that and accepting it vs. beating yourself up over it.

The majority of healing trauma comes back to you, the individual... not psychology. Psychology is a word... you can look at it narrowly or broadly. Talking to your friend or family about something that went wrong in your day is psychology... being a feedback loop has been introduced. You say something, you get something back.

The difference is what you get back. Its useless if talking to a friend about a problem and all you get back is, "get over it" or "it will go away in time." Such statements aren't helping you to solve your own problem, they're hindering you solving your problem.

That is where psychology comes into it. Its the knowing of what to feedback and what not to. If all you get back is a psychoanalytical blabbering of big terms and whats wrong with you, then its the same as talking with your useless friend who's telling you to get over it. If you get nothing of use back, same again... useless.

Therapy is about finding the right medium and person for you, that can help you uniquely solve your own problems. Nothing anyone else says will change your mind. Only what you choose to use or apply to yourself will change you... and the best way to do that is to make you find it yourself, thus you believe faster what you choose to accept based on your principles and beliefs, what your aim is to achieve.

You hold the answers to you, nobody else.

 

[The Albatross]

Thanks Anthony.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((TLight)))))

 

[BloomInWinter]

Avoidance is healthy when;

- you step out of the way of a taxi
- you leave a conversation with a hurtful person
- you stop going into a household where you always leave feeling worse about yourself
- you are suicidal and alone with nobody safe to anchor you
- you are dissociated
- you are at risk of physical harm from another human being or environmental danger

Distraction is a tactic and a skill employed to get our focus off of what's triggering us, and into the realm of being fully present.

 

[Ricanoland]

Talking, Therapy, and Tolerance is the Key to making PTSD just a small mole you notice from time to time. Not the only thing you see in the mirror in the morning.