What If You Cannot Entirely Avoid The Situation?

[safenow]

Thank you

 

[ms spock]

I, am unfortunately, a hoarder as well Gia.

I have started an online cleaning routine called flylady, where you start to get rid of stuff with baby steps. Even if you can't do it - well those days you read the emails to inspire you for months to come.

I really feel for the situation that you are in. It must be so hard to feel so snowed under. I know it is for me.

Just throw out one thing a day, if you can and if you can't manage that then throw out one thing a week. It doesn't have to be a big thing but something you don't need and don't use that you get rid of - just so you feel like you are making some progress and have the possibility of hope.

Are you seeing a psychologist or a psychriatrist at the moment?

I wish I could peel back all of the paint and uncover the painting that used to be there, but maybe that just isn't possible.

You can Gia, it is just going to take some time.

You didn't get into this type of mess in your house in a few weeks so it will take more than a few weeks to get out of it.

I hope you find some solace and help.

 

[Sailorgal]

Gia,

I think there's two parts here. One, you can't get rid of your mom. Secondly, you have her junk. Mom being in a nursing home should make things much more manageable emotionally albeit you are still her main caretaker. But it is not 24-7. There are boundaries you can set and it sounds like you have which is good.

As for her stuff, that may be much more triggering that you think. Even if you think something isn't a big deal compared to other things, it still is a deal and if it isn't big, why not just take care of it? As Ms Spock said, little by little even if it's hard. It's not just about you and your mom, but you and your mom and her stuff that you are holding onto for her. Even if she was gone forever, you still have her things to deal with. It is amazing how people are tied to things. I think you just need to analyze what is really burdening you and start with what you can control/handle. Example, do you really need to keep that 12 set dining table your mom can't depart with? Must you keep in storage her teddy bears from her childhood? I don't know what she has but it seems some it may not be necessary for her or your sanity.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is sick as well. You are carrying alot - unloading every little ounce helps.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, It is so hard to go through someone elses stuff and get rid of it. When my mother in law was placed in a nursing home she was dying. So we went through her house and got rid of her stuff and sold the house.

I had such bad nightmares that she recovered and I had to be the one to tell her that I was the one that got rid of her stuff. I was haunted by this experience.

They managed to force feed her and kept her barely alive for two years. We were with her when she died and she died a very peaceful death.

I was the responsible one in charge of distributing her things. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I share this with you because I think you need to be very strong inside to get rid of her things. It is a very traumatic experience to go through something like that.

I had to do it again with my sons things when he died. It was hard but I did not have the haunting dreams that he came back to life and wanted his things back.

The mind and heart are powerful things. I wish you the best with whatever you choose.

 

[ms spock]

I would suggest rehoming two of the cats, at least, Gia. I would suggest that you make these decisions now while it is still your choice. If you have 12 cats and the mess of 12 cats and someone calls in animal control you will be looked as an animal hoarder and depending on how bad the living situation is you may lose any option to make decisions about the cats. Hoarding animals is looked at as a cruelty issue, particularly when the environment is cluttered, chaotic and messy. I know you took the cats to save them, that was kind, but that is not how it will be seen.