What If Your Ptsd Is Driving Everyone Away?

[Notsowild]

My family would like my PTSD to go away. There tired of my strange symptoms and my tough therapy sessions. They usually forget I have it and expect me to be normal. And sometimes I can play "normal " but usually only at work ( not that good at it though) But I expect my family to understand when I need alone time or don't want to go out.

Wow I've got to become a better actress. I feel I'm going to lose all my family over this disorder? Does anyone understand?

 

[Underdog]

I totally get it!!!! I lost almost everyone to this. Those that didn't leave me I count as a miracle, because it took a few years for me to truly understand what was happening.

I'm new to all of this myself, so I may not be as helpful as others. My initial thoughts are focused on how told and educated those around you about the experience. I certainly have lost a few while trying to explain and give them resources in relation to secondary trauma from PTSD, most have been fairly accepting as long as I am not triggered and can honestly help them understand what is happening to me. Still don't know myself everything that is/has happened, but just curious.

 

[Notsowild]

My son has been very educated about PTSD. And lucky him got to witness me at my worse. Poor guy! All my hypervigilance, jumpiness and suicidal thoughts. But I can feel him slipping away from me. He just wants a mother not this odd off- the-wall person.

 

[Friday]

There is a saying I absolutely adore... May the bridges I burn light my way!!!

Yeah. I isolate a smidge.

I've finally come to the conclusion that while other people may choose friends based off of hobbies, religion, parenting style, political party, or a deep appreciation of Tibetian nose chanting... I choose friends based on their ability to still like me after I ignore the f*ck out of them.

It's a bit of a process. Obviously. Because first we have to become friends, and then I have to drop off the face of the earth for an unspecified amount of time. Repeatedly. Those who are left? Winner. I can't say loser, as friendships are mutually beneficial. If they're happy with my coming and going, who am I to cast aspersions? Clearly, what we have works for us.

I don't currently have any local friends. Exactly. I may have one. I don't know, though as I haven't spoken to her in a year. I also have a few people who are forced to be friendly to me by dint of their job. Or their desired proximity to my pants. I don't exactly count them as friends although I do interact with them.

Most of the friends I "have" have similar problems, if for different reasons. I have a whole lot of friends in workaholic jobs who at least want to pay homage to friendships, as well as new parents, overseas, military, etc. Or I did. I assume I do, because I still have their contact info. My contact info has completely changed and I haven't updated them. Occasionally all of their contact info will change, as well, and then it becomes up to one of us to track the other down. Or not. As the case may be.

I did try. For 10 years I had a mostly normal looking life. But lately I've come back to an old conclusion: This is who I am. Like being super-religious, only able to talk about fish, or needing to meet once a week for brunch in order to be considered human... We all have our requirements of others and our quirks. These are mine. The PTSD side effects, that is. Not the nose chanting, fish, etc.

 

[Friday]

I do want to add... And the above is long enough... I'm not actually being flippant. Whether I'm in hospital for a year on chemo and being a right bitch because I loathe pain and vomit, or Im deep in PTSD territory, or I'm working a job that means I'm east of Egypt and out of contact most of a year, most years. This is my life, and I'm the one living it. I may not have chosen it, but it is still my reality. I cannot change it, although it may change in time. So we work with what we've got.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you ever thought about family therapy?

I lost all of my family. I the hard way learned that they needed support, we all needed help to figure out how to stick it out. :(

 

[Underdog]

I agree. Although they may have read up on it and been exposed to it, secondary trauma is a reality. No matter how educated people are, the secondary trauma still impacts people and they need to be aware of that and have self help strategies as much as we do. I really pushed my husband to learn about secondary trauma and he went kicking and screaming the entire way. Then he finally took the time to read about it and called me from work to say: "Oh wow!!! That is the story of my life the past few years! I had no clue!"

 

[scout86]

My family would like my PTSD to go away. There tired of my strange symptoms and my tough therapy sessions.

I imagine that YOU are tired of all that and would like it to go away too! It's not like you're doing this on purpose, although it's possible that they don't get that.

Here's my first question. Do you know, absolutely for sure, that they are "tired of you" to the point of exhaustion and think of leaving? Or, are you blaming yourself for "everything"? They may well be tired of dealing with the situation. We all get tired of difficulty sometimes. Then we need to take a break and we need to figure out what it's going to take to go on. Or, we need to get out. Obviously that's an option. Have you talked about this with them? Have you asked them what they find the most difficult to cope with and what would help them cope with it? Try that. Maybe they could use some professional help on their own to help them understand and deal with things.

I can easily see how they might forget that you have a problem. In the first place, because you're trying NOT to have a problem and you're probably pretty good at coping most of the time. And, since they aren't seeing the world through the filter of PTSD, I can see where it would be easy to forget that you do. That's one of those things that's going to happen. It's also another case where it might help if you all talk about it. So they are aware it happens, you know they are aware, everyone is aware of how things work when that happens, etc. Sometime, when things are relatively calm, maybe you just need to talk all this through. Maybe even a family session with you T.

May the bridges I burn light my way!!!

How did I make it this far in life without having heard that?! It's wonderful, I'm with you, I love it! I may print it out and tape it to the mirror in the bathroom!

 

[Notsowild]

@FridayJones :There is a saying I absolutely adore... May the bridges I burn light my way!!!
Love this saying too. Brilliant!

Most of the friends I "have" have similar problems, if for different reasons.

I was discussing this with my T. This type of friend would be the only one would would want me as a friend. Someone who knows and understands trauma. He disagrees but then he wants me to think of myself more normally. Right no not me. I have a friend I met in a SA group but she is moving away this month. I definetly need to get out more and meet people but I just feel so damn odd.

Have you ever thought about family therapy?

I lost all of my family. I the hard way learned that they needed support, we all needed help to figure out how to stick it out. :(

Thank you. My psychiatrist wants to have family therapy with both my children so they can understand more about me. The PTSD me. I hope they'll both go.
Do you have support from friends?

I agree. Although they may have read up on it and been exposed to it, secondary trauma is a reality. No matter how educated people are, the secondary trauma still impacts people and they need to be aware of that and have self help strategies as much as we do"

Thank you so much. I am going to get my son to read you're response.
I never even thought about it. You are a very brilliant person. Thank you again.

 

[Notsowild]

Do you know, absolutely for sure, that they are "tired of you" to the point of exhaustion and think of leaving? Or, are you blaming yourself for "everything"? They may well be tired of dealing with the situation. We all get tired of difficulty sometimes. Then we need to take a break and we need to figure out what it's going to take to go on. Or, we need to get out. Obviously that's an option. Have you talked about this with them? Have you asked them what they find the most difficult to cope with and what would help them cope with it? Try that. Maybe they could use some professional help on their own to help them understand and deal with things.

You are wonderful and brilliant. Definetly going to get him to read your reply. Thank you.
Yes I want it to go away. I try my hardest to act normal. Hard to keep up the act though. Yes I'm sure he's pulling away from me. I could hear it in his voice. I am typing this through tears because I could not live without him. He is the one who loves and cares about me the most. But as I said he wants his mother not this crazy off-the-wall person. And really who does want to put their children through this?
I think the T session before I lose him. Thank you again

 

[Notsowild]

@anthony and @Nicolette... I know I could never have a relationship with this disorder. I'm just trying to hold onto my family. Have you done therapy together? Was it helpful ? I just assume you know all and do it on your own. Because you both seem so brilliant and knowledgable about ptsd

 

[rainy_daze]

secondary trauma is a reality

Can you explain secondary trauma to me please Underdog? I know I'm misunderstanding what you mean, because secondary trauma to me would mean a second event which caused or worsened PTSD. Does it mean the impact the disorder has on those in your life? I think I'm in confusion mode.

I hope they'll both go

I hope so too Notsowild. A :hug: for you if you want one.