What Is Best Way To Deal With Their Wrong Doings?

[scout86]

@Fadeaway , I can understand how you'd feel that way. It's an unfortunate situation, all the way around! Personally, I'm kind of in awe of anyone who's up to the job of being a parent. I don't think I'd do a very good job and don't think I'd want to try. Too much at stake!

 

[xena21]

Do you believe that having nothing do with them anymore is best way or constantly arguing and getting into mess n shit with them?

I still feel guilty for not confronting my grandmother who watched my grandfather rape me for years. As she was dying my family told me it wasn't right to talk to her about it since she was already going to confront her maker. I was on the way to the hospital and I turned back. I regret that day. I wish I had talked to her.

Who the Hell cares if she was on her death bed. She still had to answer to ME. I wanted answers. I just let my weakness take over. My grandfather had already died years before so I got nothing from him. I had once place letters under my Grandmothers door telling her I knew she was guilty, but only to scare her. I never confronted her. I hated that woman.

I planned to never have anything to do with her, but it didn't ease the pain and ache in my heart. My Mom followed suit and ditched all contact with her after she found out. I think it's perfectly fine to get into shit with them. I just lost my chance. Do it if you can!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@xena21,
I don't think anybody is letting perpetrators off the hook. If you think it is worth it to go to court and press charges and sue with virtually NO chance of winning simply because you haven't met a burden of proof, then all the power to you. Do you know how hard it is to navigate the justice system? And then add to that the fact that most of us have virtually NO proof that we were abused. The only "proof" we have is that we now have PTSD, but this does not meet a legal burden of proof for anything. And, going to court could actually delay healing. I can take years to go through the justice system, years "wasted" (for lack of a better word) in that this time could have been focused on your own healing rather than seeking justice (which again, is hard to get).

Nobody is letting perpetrators off the hook. What we are doing is taking a realistic look at these situations. We see that justice in a legal sense is simply not possible....err, probable. We know that seeking justice can actually do more damage to our own psyche. Yes, in a perfect world, we would all get justice, but in light of these outcomes, many of us realize that it is better to accept what has happened and turn the focus on our own healing. This is exactly what I did, and I do not regret it, not even for a second.

 

[xena21]

I never meant going to court. I meant confronting them in person.[DOUBLEPOST=1402356198,1402356000][/DOUBLEPOST]f*ck going to court. I worked in law enforcement. I know the victim doesn't win. Its up to the victim to get their own feeling of justice by confronting the abuser when they feel the strength to do it.

Hopefully they don't do what I do and wait too long when they die, or listen to others and not do it at all. The abusers deserve to have it presented to them at least so they know how it hurt someone else.