What Is Love?

[Weremonks]

Great post @shimmerz, really gets your brain going. For me, I think that the opposite of love lies within each situation, and can vary based off of the topics presented. If we are talking about people, and/or living things I think the opposite of love is fear. I love people who are brunettes and redheads, but I'm totally afraid of blondes. I love dogs, but I'm afraid of what bugs do to me (side note: I'm severely allergic to misquitoes). If we are talking about inanament objects or things that are hard to conceptualize as living, than the opposite of love is indifference. I don't care what happens to a lamp because there's no personal connection to it. Therefore I can treat it however terribly I want without feeling guilt. You could also conclude that if you dehumanize a person or group of people, you will feel indifferent towards them and not feel guilt when you treat them badly.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nope, indifference isn't numbing. I don't have a feeling about everything in this world. That mound of dirt in the back yard? I don't love it, I don't hate it, I just don't give a crap about it one way or another. I'm most not definitely numb toward it.... So the same logic can be carried through to almost anything. And no, there never was any fear regarding that mound of dirt....

 

[Hope4Now]

Thank you for this thread. I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Your other thread from this morning has haunted me all day (in a good way) even though I haven't responded to it yet.

What do you love without attachment to fear?

I cannot think of any love I have right now that is not entangled with some kind of fear. A year of therapy has shown me this rather sad aspect of myself, and I'm working on untangling and healing it. I am filled with all sorts of love to give, and I want want want to be open to receiving it too. There's just always been something in the way. I've learned that the something is fear...and that once the fear gets riled up and blocks the giving and receiving of love, a sort of psychic battle happens that leads my discouraged/hopeless part to get activated.

For me, to fully feel love (of most any sort), not just intellectually, I must physically and emotionally let go into it, open up my heart, be vulnerable. This is terrifying to me--along a continuum of fear. So, Shimmerz, I agree with your woman's therapist...but perhaps for me love and fear are not so much opposites as they are two sides of the same coin, or the entwined strands of a rope.

For me love and fear seem very entangled. Fluffy kittens, children etc - their vulnerability scares me. I'm not scared of them, but I am scared for them. I love my son, but I'd also say he is the scariest thing that's ever happened to me...

I like the distinction between being "scared of" and "scared for." This helps me understand some of my own complicated fear better. I'm not sure what aspect of fear you have about your son...for me, having children was terrifying in so many ways, but one of the most profound was (and still is) my fear that they will die or that something terrible will happen to them...so I fear for them, for their vulnerability in this mixed up world we live in. I also am afraid of how devastated I would be by their death or suffering. So my love has always been tempered with the fear of loss. This is true not only of my children, but pretty much every relationship I had/have.

 

[GWhizz]

I don't have time right now to read all of the above comments. But quickly wanted to share my thoughts/experiences on this.

My partner and I went into this when we 1st met. I guess I held a very idealistic and unrealistic notion of what love is. He told me 'love is work'. Of course I was immediately taken aback. But he then went onto explain to me, better than I can probably here. But it made sense.

Love is a commitment to work on that special connection. To never stop working. To work when things are good, not taking it for granted. To work when there are struggles, not letting them push you away or quit trying. When we stop working, things can fall by the wayside. We mightn't notice especially when we get too comfortable and assume the work is done. But it's never done. It's always an effort but a positive motivation to make that effort. Just as we work at our jobs to get that payoff.

Of course sometimes we see that the love is not there or not reciprocal and so it's okay to stop working and to know when it's time to stop.

Think of it like this - we hold unconditional love for our children. But we must work with the ups and downs, trials and tribulations that parenting brings. If they weren't our child, we may not continue to work so hard. If we didn't love our child or our significant other, our pet etc, we may give up and stop working just as we may if a random stranger was to do something unacceptable. But we work through the good and the bad times (within reason of course) when we truly love someone.

Just something I've come to see as I've matured in my ability to be accepting of and willing to love. I think investing hard work into anything is a risk. A risk that we may fail or a risk that we may not get a payoff or return on that work. Risk = fear. To me anyway.

 

[risingsun]

stated that in fact, the opposite of love was fear

I read this in a book once and it has always resonated with me. I have lived in fear for far too long. I am trying to stay present even as I post this. So I will only list that which I love.
I love giving gifts. I love showing love and receiving love on a spiritual level. I love making others happy. I love knowing that one day I will love myself and remember who i am despite the past which is already gone. I love the times in which I truly live in faith, in knowing, in believing that love always overpowers fear and that healing is always possible. Warmest, Rising.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Amy Tan wrote a wonderful essay titled "Mother Tongue". It's a very interesting perspective on love. You can google it to read it.

 

[RussH]

I am not trying to impose religion it this, but the first book of John says that Perfect love cast out fear.

 

[fly away home]

I love my daughter. I think of her and my heart skips a beat.......because I'm terrified. I am full of fear when it comes to my girl. Fear she will get hurt, die, fear for her own life, stop loving me, figure out I'm a failure, become like me, make the same mistakes I've made, become a teenager, not become a teenager, become hurtful, grow out of hugs, develop mental health issues, give up on life, grow resentful, break, disappear, be abused, be victimized, feel hurt, feel responsible for me, gosh I love her with all my heart but the fear is equally as big. I don't think I had any concept of how much I could possibly lose until I had something I truly loved. Love to me is about how much I fear losing it. I'm guessing that's not at all healthy.

 

[Tanishq]

Shimmerz, Honestly I don't know what is love. I am also working on that.

I have been told I have the ability to love. Um, I understand few things about love.

Love works when you have faith in it. It doesn't require you to be anything you are not. It requires to be you. Yourself. This is it. You require consistency over the time. Love is emotion. You can also say it is greatest knowledge, attitude. Love is different for everyone.

Edit: I love working on myself, working with nature, flowers, gardens, surroundings and many more. I am trying my best and give it a go to love which is my ability.

 

[Go Hungry]

I've been thinking more on this, and I think maybe Love is just it's own thing. It's own emotion. I know that it's very closely related to hate, because in both cases you care very deeply about what happens to a person, but in one case it's because you want the best for them, and in the other you want the worst. Both can cause you pain, one by its absence, and the other by its presence. I do agree that both love and hate take work, but I wish hate wasn't sooooo much easier to put the work into. It's like it's addictive in some manner.

But now that I'm feeling better, and not so triggered as I was Friday, I can think of dozens of things that I love... Some highlights include the good food, good music, cute things in general, the aforementioned cats and oddly, snakes (Though I'm not dumb enough to think they love me, LOL.) I think they are simply beautiful in their purity of form and purpose. Really I just love things of beauty in general. I won't go into religion, but I have great love for certain deities...

So yeah, and stuff...

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I didn't read everything but one thing that comes to mind is vulnerability. I know there was some mentioning of children but I don't have children and don't plan on ever having any...but I do like cats. :laugh: (I saw those comments). But love requires vulnerability and I think hate doesn't.

But fear makes sense as the opposite of love. So of course love would have no fear...and fear is the worse I think.

 

[sixktransfer]

I think the opposite of love is apathy. Apathy means no feeling at all. Hate is an emotion that takes effort to evoke therefore trauma survivors should take care to use their precious energy to give and receive love...with safe people