Childhood What Is Not Okay To Expose A Kid To Regarding Death And Dying?

[Neverthesame]

* Insert I skimmed through responses caveat *

I remember as kid, I loved watching those surgical procedure shows on TV. Even during dinner. (Just so happened to be on at that time, it wasn't a deliberate choice.)

Never bothered me.
Well, except that one time...
I apologise now, but your description of the pediatric surgery and lasagna, had me laughing pretty good. (EMT humour.)
It reminded me of the time I was eating spaghetti whilst watching a cesarean section. Abdominal surgery and spaghetti and meatballs, not such a good idea.

My father unlike me, didn't have the stomach for shows like that.
He'd take one look at that, say "Gah! Jesus, why don't you watch football like a normal kid?" then left the room. Haha.

With all that being said. I don't think it was in any way appropriate to force you to watch that sort of thing when it made you so uncomfortable.

 

[mamachick]

I think the original post shared her experience and made very valid points about a childs experience. I thought that was what this thread was about.....best ways to handle such things.

@CJ-you could be right. My daughters could both be traumatized from attending 3 funerals at a young age.
To say that it would "disturb" a young childs mind???? Not sure what you mean by that, traumatize them, cause them mental illness, cause them to fear death?
Death is disturbing. Death of a baby is even more disturbing for most of us. Maybe telling a 7 yr old that the baby won't be around anymore as it is in the North Pole with Santa (like an elf on the shelf) would be a better choice for you. I am only attempting to recall how I came to the decision and why, and neither child reported any adverse effects from it. Sometimes normalizing the situation as much as possible can be the best we can do as parents. Unless you have personally lost an infant, made the funeral arrangements while caring for other children, and made the decision about what your other children can handle regarding funeral arrangements (which did include a conversation with a reputable PhD Phychologist who was my professor at the time), I don't have a lot of confidence in your polarized remarks. We didn't have any mirrors and cloth or forced touching or sitting in silence. We used funeral homes with several rooms available and those who came for visitation did not sit in silence.

I am very sorry that your friend was so traumatized by their experience-though I am uncertain as to what caused them to still be traumatized 24 yrs later to the point that they could not deal with their mothers death.

Friday hit the nail on the head, no right answer in parent land. And yes, even 2 kids in the same family respond differently. My older daughter never went to the casket, and younger was drawn to look. I think it is much more important that the kid is not left unattended at the funeral home, and that they have complete adult accompaniment at all times if they are going to be there. That is only after age appropriate conversation with them. If a child shows any distress, certainly the parent needs to take them elsewhere. (contrary to another posters experience) Death is the only certainty we have. I do think some will learn to cope better and be more prepared when it is someone closer to them.

Kids are seeing much worse on TV while parent is taking a shower. Just scroll TV and even Law and Order SVU will catch some really gory scenes.

 

[Powder]

Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences with this topic. All responses are helping me think more about why I'm asking this now.