What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Wanting to sell all my stuff, pack up what's important, leave my past behind and take the next train/plane whatever to anywhere where there's just nature and live day by day
Been there, done that, too many times to count.

Took me a helluva long time (years, and dozens of just picking up and leaving) to realize? All I really needed… was a vacation.
My mind is jumbled. My birthday is coming up and I can't deal with it well ever. Every birthday I wish I was not alive but I will not kill myself for the sake of the people that love me. I have to push though it and smile when all I want to do is scream and even that I have never did.
This day brings up to much trama I'm talking to much anyway that is what is on my mind.
Wondering if this is a pseudo-cold from being awake for 30+ hours, or an actual cold? Sniff. Sniff. Cough. Rub my eyes. Could be either. Realistically speaking.

We could sleep and find out, or you know, just keep staying awake, stressing zeh immune system, until it becomes a cold. 🤔

I used to be able to stay rational for roughly 72 hours. Only getting this loopy sometime in day 4. Feeling. Old. As. f*ck. coming up with this nonsense at barely a day out the gate.
What's on my mind, Hmmmm.... I suppose I am wondering if I was accepted into the new medicare program by the state or not. They called and set up an appointment for me for Friday to see their nurse, so I am hoping and have my fingers crossed.
I'm upset all I said was that feeding birds bread is not good for them. My bbf said she not the one that bought the bread and she can't tell other people what to do. All I did was inform that person that it is not something birds should eat.
Then tells me that most people feed birds with bread and the birds eat it. I'm just like and most people don't consider what they feed animals. When it comes to animals she knows I will fight for them with every thing I have since they were my life line as a kid trying to survive. I'm upset and want to cry from frustration. I is hard for me to control myself when it come to animals so I just moved on to another subject but I'm still upset.