What Is Your Identity?

[lithium-mom]

I'm discovering that I have all the symptoms of borderline personality. I guess they can be treated as that, but I also have a lot of C-PTSD symptoms. Anyway, I think something that would make me feel better is having an identity. I know this probably sounds like the stupidest thing you've ever read but I need to figure out who I am MINUS the devastating emotional highs and lows (both are equally devastating).

So what defines you? What defines me? I don't understand any of this and I'm worried I'm going to ruin my best relationship because I can't stop being afraid of being abandoned and always having issues. I'm pretty much perpetually in a Situation and I'm just tired of it, you know? I need to know how to recover and I think a good step is understanding who I am.

I have a small list of things that I do:
1. I generally try to react "intelligently even to unintelligent treatment".
2. Kind of from Hippocrates (not the right guy, I know) "Do no harm."
3. I really love learning.

That's about all I can think of.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Hey, lithium mom, I understand exactly how you feel. Since being diagnosed with C-PTSD and ADHD, I've come to realize that they have always defined who I am. I know that when I've healed (somewhat), I have no idea what I'm going to find inside myself, other than a void. :( That worries me, so I have begun working on a "Who Am I" journal. Every day, I try to write three things about myself. By the third day, I couldn't think of anything else to write about myself, so I made it very basic - favourite colour, food, animal, things like that. I'm hoping that I will begin to emerge as the PTSD recedes....

 

[lithium-mom]

Hey, lithium mom, I understand exactly how you feel. Since being diagnosed with C-PTSD and ADHD, I'...

That's actually a great idea! I'm so glad I found this forum because people actually give practical advice instead of stuff I can't possibly do.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

That's actually a great idea! I'm so glad I found this forum because people actually give practical...

We are all feeling our way in the dark.... Welcome!

 

[joeylittle]

I need to figure out who I am MINUS the devastating emotional highs and lows (both are equally devastating).

I understand what you are talking about. I'd relate this to a CBT/DBT concept, called 'core beliefs', which create sense of self. If you believe that you are a roller coaster, it'll be hard to shake that feeling that you are constantly being pulled to the ups and downs.

You also have a Bipolar I diagnosis, correct? Although it seems right on the nose to observe this, is it possible that you are having mixed-episodes, or rapid-cycling? Bipolar can also be mistakenly diagnosed, and sometimes PTSD can come out sounding like Bipolar. The reason I'm asking is that these are difficult diagnoses, and I'm wondering if you have the right support tools coming from your therapist/psych.

 

[lithium-mom]

I understand what you are talking about. I'd relate this to a CBT/DBT concept, called 'core beliefs'...

My diagnosis is Bipolar 1 but I feel uncomfortable with that diagnosis-- and I AM experiencing rapid cycling. It's really awful.

I was living with my family at the time of my Bipolar 1 diagnosis and am experiencing the same symptoms. It's very intense but also very cathartic to experience, I think. Almost like exposure therapy but with nobody helping me professionally-- but I have an appointment with a therapist on the fourth, so wish me luck!

Thank you for all your comments on my posts, they're always incredibly insightful and helpful.