What are your requirements in a therapist?

[RainbowSearchParty]

Just wondering. I've been searching for one, but the pickings are rather slim where I am at (despite the fact that I live in a major metropolis). Here is what I've come up with for my list, curious what is important on yours. I'm also aware that it is probably impossible to find someone that ticks all these boxes, but, sigh, alas, one can hope?

+ master's degree (minimum), doctorate preferred
+ psychodynamic talk therapy
+ training in trauma/CPTSD/dissociation -- which preferably includes training in EMDR at minimum, and hopefully also Sensorimotor psychotherapy and trauma-focused CBT
+ follows ISSTD phasic treatment guidelines for dissociative disorders
+ able to meet in person
+ ideally a sliding scale for payment

I feel like this was a pretty standard list when I lived in the US, but in the country I am in this feels like I am looking for a unicorn. The standard degree to practice psychotherapy here is a bachelor's, and no clinical supervision hours are required for licensure (and I find this horrifying, as the bachelor's degree here is also just three years instead of four. Master's degrees and doctoral degrees here are also shorter and less intense, so someone with a doctorate is more of the equivalent of a therapist with a master's in the US). It also feels like half of the people I find are either art therapists or drama therapists, and so very few traditional talk therapists.

I'm feeling really, really frustrated with this search.

Also - am I crazy to think that bad therapy is worse than no therapy? I just don't want to be in therapy with someone who has no idea what they are doing.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @RainbowSearchParty , nope I wouldn't say "bad therapy is better than no therapy"? That's what you meant right? Maybe I misunderstood what you wrote as a mistake...

All the letters after someone's name doesn't mean shit if you can't hold a good conversation and care about your clients welfare and interests. Because that is what therapy is fundamentally right? A conversation?

 

[No More]

UK, so slightly different.

-Reg with professional body, BACP/NCPS/etc
-Good few years of experience practicing
-Preferably somebody older who has a bit of life experience and hasn’t just learnt the course out a textbook
-Exceptional boundaries
-Calm, business-like style. I do not do warm, emotional, sappy, overly relational. This is a paid professional relationship and I treat it as such.
-CBT/ACT base - style works for me.
-Online preferred

I found it a reasonably straightforward affair finding someone suitably qualified. More difficult was finding someone in the relational style I like because I just hate sappy mush. I wouldn’t be able to take them even remotely seriously. They need to have a bit of something about them, so that I feel they could easily square up to me. I can’t deal with anyone who gives off even a hint of fawning.

I would 100% agree bad therapy is worse than no therapy. You don’t need to be un-doing as well as doing!
Are you someone who’s able to work through things with a book/worksheets?

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I forgot to add licensed to my list. I also can't believe that I have to include that, but there are many therapists here that aren't even licensed.

All the letters after someone's name doesn't mean shit if you can't hold a good conversation and care about your clients welfare and interests. Because that is what therapy is fundamentally right? A conversation?

This is how I felt when I was in the US. But the licensure and degree requirements are much higher in the US than where I am at, so I feel like I have to be a bit more careful here. I just don't want to work with someone with zero experience and training.

"bad therapy is better than no therapy"? That's what you meant right?

No, bad therapy is worse than no therapy. Inversely, no therapy is better than bad therapy.

-Preferably somebody older who has a bit of life experience and hasn’t just learnt the course out a textbook

This is a good point. I think that I want this in addition to someone who has plenty of education.

Are you someone who’s able to work through things with a book/worksheets?

Not really. I'm actually pretty stable in my everyday life right now. I have quirks and issues I'd like to work out, but I'm pretty adept at managing and talking with riends or googling things I need to fix. I'm after therapy specifically for the relational aspect.

This thread is helpful. I think I've clarified for myself that I want someone with a doctorate because this shows dedication and commitment. Professionalism and dedication are incredibly important to me. I also find it hard to imagine working with someone who has less education than I do.

 

[Weemie]

• Educated. Either institutionally or autodidactically, Know Stuff.
• Able to keep themselves composed emotionally.
• Crucially, willing to get out of their own way and let me lead. I promise I just want to vent for an hour and have you go "oh yeah, that sounds rough," and then I'll leave lmao.
• Able to handle hearing aversive details of torture without lashing out or getting themselves hurt (most important).
• Has forensic experience, non-judgmental.
• Agrees with me politically or able to pretend. Not on every little thing, but part of my trauma is institutional. The personal is political for me, I cannot just agree to disagree over whether I deserve basic human rights.
• Flexible. I am physically and mentally disabled, it's very hard for me to travel an hour on the bus. I won't be able to make every appointment.
• Willing to learn, curiosity. Willing to try new things. If you just sit there like yup I'm the therapist we are gonna do CBT and that's it - nope. Seeya.

As you can see I'm very picky. I've been in some form of therapy or another since childhood, so I've probably had like 30 clinicians. I strongly encourage people to be picky and don't be afraid to leave if your therapist isn't competent.

 

[arfie]

i go with luck of the draw and eye contact.

1) luck of the draw. a) a detailed qualifications list implies i know what i need. if i knew what i needed, i probably wouldn't be sick. admitting my ignorance gives the healing mysteries more flexibility to start with. b) when i started therapy in 1972 as a homeless teen prostitute, not too many of today's degree plans were available. i'll betcha dollars to wishes today's credentials won't be around in 2072. psychiatry remains an infant, rapid cycling science. it is still changing slang quicker than a junior high hallway.

2) eye contact. seems to me that more advanced degrees are sought for the sake of profit than callings to heal. eye contact offers clues as to whether i am speaking to an educated healer or a profit monger. that pesky detail doesn't show up in the academic credentials.

 

[Charbella]

Sounds like given the circumstances you might want to change your list. If you’re in a country with different standards it’s stupid to hold them to a different measurement. It’s like demanding all your food wrappers be in ounces because you’re used to the US.

Maybe try a few of them out, hopefully they have a first time free. Maybe art therapy would do you more good than you think?

I’m in the US and I can’t find art therapy anywhere within 50 miles. I’d love to have somewhere to do something more than talk/EMDR. Not that I don’t have every other option too, just not art.

I don’t think your wants are unreasonable and I do agree that a bad therapist can really mess you up BUT just because they don’t have all those credentials doesn’t mean they couldn’t be a fantastic therapist. Short of moving countries (seems drastic) if you want a therapist you may have to settle for less.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Okay, this is helpful. I think degrees and qualifications are important to me because I regard mental health as a medical health issue. It’s taken me a long time to come to that conclusion—seeing my PTSD/DID/anxiety as medical hasn’t been easy for me. But I want my therapist to be both empathetic and emotionally supportive AND educated, the same way I would expect a medical doctor to have a good bedside manner in addition to relevant and up to date medical degrees and training.

Flexible.

This is important. And flexibility for me shows up differently, but needs to be there coupled with reliability and consistency.

Willing to learn, curiosity.

Yes, again. And this is tied into me wanting a qualified and educated person.

If you’re in a country with different standards it’s stupid to hold them to a different measurement.

Respectfully, I disagree. I’m not running around yelling at therapists for their education, but I want more for myself. This, to me, falls under the same category of going to the dentist. When I arrived in this country I was given the option to see the dentist or not in my cleaning appointment. In the US, seeing the doctor was a given every time I got my teeth cleaned, not an option. Here, not so much. Cleanings are also once a year or every two years. This doesn’t match with my expectations, so I paid extra to see the dentist, and am paying extra for biannual cleanings. Yes, this is a standard based on my experience in the US but I don’t think I am wrong to do this or hold this level of dental hygiene as my standard. I feel the same about my list for potential therapists.

Short of moving countries (seems drastic) if you want a therapist you may have to settle for less.

This has been on my mind, actually. And I’m not sure it is as drastic as it sounds. Good medical care is a priority in my life.

 

[Midnightmoon]

My first is sex, I can't work with a man. I wish I could, because it narrows my options down before I begin, but nope, can't do it.

Then it's cost, accessibility (wheelchair access is highly unlikely, so then someone who works online with DID, which isn't an easy task), and registration to professional body. I'm not really set on modality, qualification or training history. I guess this is based on my working history, I have witnessed alot of very qualified people have absolutely no common sense. I like common sense, it just apparently isn't very common.

By this point if there's anyone left, then it's if they'll have me...

Don't pay for poor therapy, I've just had 6 months of rubbish that has taken me backwards rather than forwards. No therapy is definitely the better option than therapy that messes you up further.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I want someone older too. It is like picking an attorney, you want someone who has been around the block. There are no shortcuts to wisdom. I also want someone with a PhD. I have had therapists in trading, those with a Masters and then those with a PhD. They are in separate worlds.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Don't pay for poor therapy, I've just had 6 months of rubbish that has taken me backwards rather than forwards. No therapy is definitely the better option than therapy that messes you up further.

This. This. I am self-financing, and I just can't waste money on a therapy that isn't helpful and even worse, that might be harmful.

I also want someone with a PhD. I have had therapists in trading, those with a Masters and then those with a PhD. They are in separate worlds.

I think this is apt. It's not that people with less education aren't competent or amazing, but doctoral level education is just a different world entirely. And that's the world I want to be a part of.

 

[Friday]

I feel like this was a pretty standard list when I lived in the US, but in the country I am in this feels like I am looking for a unicorn.

Psychodynamic SHRINKS your search to less than 10% of trauma therapists, down to less than 1%. I’d include that as a bonus, rather than baseline, as most trauma therapists are “multi-modal”. Even if their core training IS in the school of psychodynamic psychology, their later training & qualifications mean they’re no longer a psychodynamic therapist. At least not by psychodynamic bylaws. So it’s one of those catch22 things.

I forgot to add licensed to my list. I also can't believe that I have to include that, but there are many therapists here that aren't even licensed.

The state I live in only required a $30 license fee, no questions asked, until just a few years ago. Everyone who had already paid? Is grandfathered into the new law which requires at least 3 weeks of training/edu. Your masters & higher gets rid of MOST of those eedjits. (Nothing is idiot proof. They just design better idiots.).

Also - am I crazy to think that bad therapy is worse than no therapy?

Nope! Bad therapy is infinitely worse than no therapy.