Poll What Is Your Stance On Hugs?

[safenow]

I struggle with hugs in real life. I think there is only a few people I can accept hugs from, and before I give a hug I ask permission, even when it's a child. For me, a touch is the same as a hug. When it's from a kind person, it feels exactly the same as a hug. On here, or in my other site I go to, I can accept cyber hugs from those I like. I give them as well.

Now animals are a totally different thing. But we won't go there this morning.

 

[winterose]

Yes safenow I agree very important to ask to hug or be hugged. With kids I always let them hug me first. :) Like with bro's gran-daughter, she always comes and gives me a hug, I never offer first. I want her to know what's right for her. Not me.

 

[Britt.f7]

It's interesting how respectful it seems most of us are towards children. I guess because we know how boundaries can be abused. I'm the non huggy aunt. I always gave the kids a choice and never forced them. I want them to feel some empowerment. Now that they are older they usually come to me and hug me. It's nice.

 

[maddog]

I had an unusual experience (for me) on Friday whereby a very distressed person who I had been comforting verbally for some time asked me for a hug. At first I baulked and didn't know what to do... but something about it just felt ok, and I found I was able to initiate and sustain the hug in what felt like a very meaningful and safe way for me, and, I think, for her too. Perhapsit was the element of being in control or my perceived ability that this was something special and significant I could give to someone else. But truly, it was one of the most moving moments of physical contact I have had a in a long time.

Maddog

 

[Abstract]

very meaningful and safe way for me,

So wonderful MD. So glad for you. And for her.

 

[safenow]

it was one of the most moving moments of physical contact I have had a in a long time.

I am so happy for you. I am happy you were able to do that for her.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I love to hug my family. I can never get enough hugs from them. It feels so good to get a hug from my husband, he gives very good hugs.

 

[aka]

It depends on the circumstances. Sometimes I really want a hug and other times I can't stand anyone near me let alone touching me. So I usually only comfortable hugging close family, but will hug extended family because of it being expected not because I really want to.

 

[shoulderblades]

Around my girlfriend, daughter and closest friends, hugs are fine. I love hugs. I thrive off hugs. I rarely hug other people unless I feel safe to.

 

[shoulderblades]

Sometimes I really want a hug and other times I can't stand anyone near me let alone touching me

I understand only too well. If I'm in a bad place, I can't handle any human contact (that also includes verbal contact/communication) from anyone excepting my daughter and girlfriend.

 

[Whitneys story]

Excellent topic! Starved for hugs growing up. Yet I only accept from certain people. I feel like I have a sensor with people, I don't present the opportunity to anyone I am unsure of. Those I wish to hug are very special people and I ask first even when they show obvious gestures.

Cyber hugging is a little trickier. I will usually say, Hugs if you accept them. I try very hard not to forget who does not like them. Cyber Hugs to me is more of an acknowledgement of understanding another's situation. A form of being honestly supportive.

There is only one person on the forum that I would report for giving me a hug. I will accept all hugs if anyone has the need to hug. Hugs to everyone if you accept them, Whitney :)

 

[maddog]

An added complication to the hug issue for me is the fact that some of the boundary-respecting strategies that people employ to try to be sensitive about this topic actually make the whole scenario more upsetting and uncomfortable for me. As an example, we are encouraged, at the trauma programme I attend, to acknowledge peoples' varying feelings about hugs and personal touch by always verbally asking to either give or receive a hug or personal touch before proceeding. Obviously this is designed to ensure that both parties feel comfortable, but sheesh... actually discussing it and verbalising the issue absolutely frekes me out and turns what might ordinarily have been a doable hug, if delivered spontaneously, into something I just can't face.

Typical of me, I often find discussing the topic far far more distressing than the topic itself.

Such a pity, and so ironic, that something designed to protect and respect my personal boundaries somehow feels like a violation of them.

Maddog