What Is Your Subjective Units Of Distress (suds) Rating Right Now?

void

MyPTSD Pro
@OliveJewel

A generalized sense of being separate, not part of, disconnected, not fully engaged in the fullness of the felt experience of all that the moment has to offer?? The opposite of the state of mindful awareness.

Makes me think of the Hypo-Arousal State talked about in the Window Of Tolerance model. That state which is inherently dissociated, has been described like this, "Persons in hypo arousal often speak to the phenomena of being numb, flat, with no access to feelings or feeling shut off." Source:Therapeutic Window of Tolerance

There are many excellent resources on the Window of Tolerance model online, should you be so inclined. Peace to you.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
being numb, flat, with no access to feelings or feeling shut off
For me I am currently in a state of intense emotions and trying desperately to revert back to when I *was* numb but I can’t so I’m angry. The alienation for me is not dissociation from what I can tell, but rather a sense that I am deeply flawed from my csa and relationship training, and so somehow things that I thought were accessible from working on recovery are out of reach and unrecognizable suddenly. I’m doubting my ability to relate.

sense of being separate, not part of, disconnected, not fully engaged in the fullness of the felt experience of all that the moment has to offer?
Yes. And unsure if I ever was or ever will be. Trying to accept that I’m ruined feels like the only logical thing rather than keep pretending/hoping that I’m going to develop the ability to relate humanely.

Currently I am quite sure that I’ve never said an honest thing in my life. That’s a weird place to be. I should probably face that cognitive distortion.

Just realized that this is very much tied into my shame I had as a child for existing. I knew I was making people uncomfortable with my presence but couldn’t prove it. I know that my brother and father told me repeatedly how embarrassing and stupid I was, so I grew up needing to save others from me. Not a great way to relate.

Sorry to go into processing. Thank you for the reply and information.
 
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