What Should I Be Asking A New Therapist?

[aria]

Hi, this is my first post here and I wanted to ask a question.

I have complex ptsd and am currently looking for a new therapist (since recent one just dumped me). I am really eager to get the right kind of therapist, one that can actually cope with me and not dump me a year into the process as it's really distressing for me.

I am interviewing one next week who claims to deal with trauma but in my experience they all say that, trauma seems to be a bit of a buzz word amongst therapists. This one claims to do Compassion Focused Therapy, Schema Therapy, EMDR, Sensorimotor therapy, Ego state therapy and her original training came from CBT. She also recently trained in something called Comprehensive Resource Model.

This all seems like really good stuff. And pretty much what I'm looking for in a therapist. But as we all know, there's more to a therapist than just qualifications. What things should I be looking for, how do I check the robustness of a therapist? What questions should I be asking her? What would be a red flag?

Any ideas on this would be gratefully received.

 

[risingsun]

one that can actually cope with me and not dump me a year into the process as it's really distressing for me.

Sorry you got dumped a year into the process. So did I. I went for a year and then the therapist said I was too depressed for her practice and she was a PhD licensed psychologist. Unreal. My heart goes out to you.

I would go with your instincts foremost. I had an instinct with this last one, a feeling within me that said she can't help me and I should have listened.
Also, I would put every thing on the table regarding what your expectations are, what your goals are, what you expect from him/her, what you bring to the table, etc; things you want to say but never do. You have nothing to lose.

Remember, you are the one hiring, not the other way around. It is funny, though, how they like to believe they are the ones in control. The role reversal about whose in control is unbelievable. You are, though. Remember that.

I wish I could be of more help, but my #1 advice is to go with your instinct. My number #2 would be to ensure that this is someone who you feel you are compatible with. Building relations is the key to success with therapy I think. I hope this helps. Good Luck to you. Rising Sun.

 

[Karen12]

One thing that was very important to me was an office environment that felt safe - no loud colors or patterns, bright lights, or loud music. I also wanted an office that had a separate entrance and exit to preserve privacy, so patients don't bump into each other. I was fortunate to find all that and an intelligent, gentle therapist that I had a good vibe with from the start. I asked about her education, training and licensing. I also asked about her therapy techniques: is this just talk therapy, will there be "homework," etc.?

I don't know about today, but back then any reputable therapist would see you for a 1/2 hour for free - that is as important for them as it is for you, to see if you're a good fit for their personality and practice. I interviewed probably half a dozen therapists before settling on the one I chose. Sometimes after talking with you for a half hour they have a better idea of you and what you need and can refer you to a colleague, too.

@aria - It's not an easy process but take your time, figure out what you want and be sure to discuss everything with the potential therapist. Good luck.

 

[aria]

With the last one, I asked tons of questions, my gut feeling about her was good, really good. And things were pretty great for about 9 months. I don't know why it all went so wrong, but the dynamics just changed during a really crucial part of my therapy when I was feeling very triggered and very vulnerable, and she terminated me while I'd taken a few weeks break. She won't even see me for a better ending. I think it's more her stuff than mine interfering with how things transpired but it's still really painful.
I don't know how I could have avoided this happening. And I don't know how to avoid it happening again. Hence the questions for potential new therapists.

 

[WillyKat]

The last time I needed to find a therapist, I tried to set up interviews with four or five, and then pick the one that "felt" right. Turned out I could only find two. One of those seemed to think she had me all figured out after about 3 minutes. She kept going on about me being depressed before I was molested at age 6. My WTF alarm bells went off right away. The other one is my current therapist.

I had told each that I was "shopping around", checking for the right chemistry, etc. I think I told them my past horror stories with a couple of "therapists". I wanted to make sure they knew that I was there that first visit to evaluate them and that just because I scheduled one session I wasn't committing to them.

 

[Chava]

That's a lot of sort of different specializations. I would primarily hope she is asking you a lot of questions and getting a thorough intake to help inform which approach, mix or fusion of approaches, to use. You might ask what the process for c-ptsd would be like, which methods she uses and roughly how they would work (for example, EMDR seems a little easier when there is one or a few distinct incidents, vs a blur of semi-conscious or body memories). You might write down questions about your own goals or your symptoms and how you will be able to work on them. I have lots of body/somatic stuff, so it was important to know there was a way to work with that in my current therapy.

Not sure why you were "dumped" before, but maybe some questions around that...or if your therapist sees this in any sort of timeline, like a short-term approach or a long-term thing. They might not have perfect answers before getting to know you well, but I know it's hard for me to get very far in one year because I warm up to even the best therapists incredibly slowly (if ever). Could you mention the past disappointments or how hard it was to quit at only a year?

 

[joeylittle]

I like to ask them how and why they got into being a therapist, and what is it about their specializations that drew them to them. I think you can tell a lot by whether someone is genuinely excited about what they do, and also can demonstrate some candor and sharing.

 

[aria]

Joeylittle, that is a good idea. I think you're right, you can tell a lot by how they respond to that question. Thanks.

Chava- It is a lot but she has 20 years experience. However I think I'll be asking which approach she intends to use and ask to see her qualification in those approaches. I will think about my goals and write them down before I go.

I don't know how much to mention about my last therapy to this new one. I kind of would really like to go in and just let her learn about me at her own pace, make her own valuations and me just see her a blank slate and a fresh start. But the fear of therapy failing again makes me want to be really careful about who I pick to be my therapist.

 

[WillyKat]

You know, you might consider telling her about your past experiences, and tell her/him that's why you're shopping around. I think its ok to let them know that its your money and that they're providing a service to you. They work for you.

 

[SeanCharles]

Good Thread! Considering I am embarking on connecting with a new therapist. I emailed them an intro letter of sorts without disclosing anything too personal yet. I wanted at least initiate a contact which my be followed up by phone conversation. This is definitely a thread I will be referring back to before my first session.

---SeanGeo