Hi, everyone. I wasn't sure whether to put this in Introductions, as I haven't posted before, but I ended up choosing to go straight to this forum because I have a specific question.
As a bit of background, I have a history of SA and was diagnosed a few years ago. I've been working with a wonderful therapist, who I like and respect. That said, we have had a series of ruptures in the past couple months, and we certainly haven't achieved full repair.
Today's session was hard because I very much wanted to talk about something, but couldn't bring myself to do it—I have some leftover wariness about trusting my therapist, which is mostly unfounded but still feels very real, and I couldn't stand the idea of potentially having a flashback or panic episode in front of him.
To make a long story short, as I was driving home I felt a really strong urge to self-harm. I engaged in light cutting when I was an adolescent, but that never really progressed and I stopped on my own. I've had some urges in the past year or so, but have been able to limit things to scratching myself or redirect with ice cubes, rubber bands, etc. I tried all kinds of things tonight, but eventually did end up cutting (very, very lightly—I doubt it'll leave a scar).
I'm now sort of sad and alarmed. This feels like such a regression, and also very melodramatic. I don't want it to continue.
Should I tell my therapist? I don't want to be attention seeking, and it's entirely possible I can move past this on my own. But I also try and be as honest as possible with him, and not telling him this feels almost like lying.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Also, thank you all for all the insight and support you share every day. This is my first post (and that's scary!), but I've been lurking for months and consider this community an invaluable resource.
As a bit of background, I have a history of SA and was diagnosed a few years ago. I've been working with a wonderful therapist, who I like and respect. That said, we have had a series of ruptures in the past couple months, and we certainly haven't achieved full repair.
Today's session was hard because I very much wanted to talk about something, but couldn't bring myself to do it—I have some leftover wariness about trusting my therapist, which is mostly unfounded but still feels very real, and I couldn't stand the idea of potentially having a flashback or panic episode in front of him.
To make a long story short, as I was driving home I felt a really strong urge to self-harm. I engaged in light cutting when I was an adolescent, but that never really progressed and I stopped on my own. I've had some urges in the past year or so, but have been able to limit things to scratching myself or redirect with ice cubes, rubber bands, etc. I tried all kinds of things tonight, but eventually did end up cutting (very, very lightly—I doubt it'll leave a scar).
I'm now sort of sad and alarmed. This feels like such a regression, and also very melodramatic. I don't want it to continue.
Should I tell my therapist? I don't want to be attention seeking, and it's entirely possible I can move past this on my own. But I also try and be as honest as possible with him, and not telling him this feels almost like lying.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Also, thank you all for all the insight and support you share every day. This is my first post (and that's scary!), but I've been lurking for months and consider this community an invaluable resource.
