What To Do About Christmas?

[Kairos]

hi I am pondering my guilt....at not wanting, wanting to be with my family!

It shocks me how afraid I get!

I don't honestly know how to cope with it!

The flashbacks are to very traumatic early childhood sexual abuse, I experience searing pain emotional and physical....my family deny this ever happened....I often think I have made it up...but my whole body tells me every night that this really is true!

I feel crazy when I see them, the worst flashbacks are about Christmas....there is still violation of my sexual and physical boundaries...my no is ignored or laughed at..

I end up feeling I am unfair!

Sorry this is a long moany introduction....

I guess I wonder if anyone out there shares the ambivalence, the love and the terror? The knowing, the not knowing? The longing and the need to be very alone!

All my best..adjuva

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Adjuva and welcome to the forum.:)

To be honest when I read your title I thought you had posted in the wrong section, but now I see it really is your introduction! Christmas time is a problem for many people, not just those who have had abuse. Perhaps in addition to this introduction here you could start another thread in the appropriate area just about christmas concerns? Just a thought, but you will probably find you get more specific replies that way.

Anyway, welcome again, and take your time looking round and seeing what is helpful for you.

Regards
Lucy x

 

[Kairos]

I am sad I may not have figured out the right place, way to post...it took so much courage just to open here for the first time and I didnt really get a sense that the title wasnt appropriate....Christmas is my biggest sexual trauma! But maybe you are right and this is confusing to folks....

 

[Lucycat]

Don't be sad! It is a learning curve to us all, and certainly makes a change from the title of 'I am new'!!!
I understand from your intro that Christmas is a problem. So, whenever you are ready, start another post all about Christmas. That is fine.

We all understand how hard it is to write that first post. You have done it. Congratulate yourself!! It is a big step and you can only move forwards...
L x

 

[kimberley dawn]

Welcome! I mix up threads like this far too often in the ptsd forum, hopefully I will learn ;) I know how it helps me to find the questions / answeres I am looking for if others place them right.

I too have a bad issue with x-mas so please! open a link :)

 

[Kairos]

I have just posted my christmas story in the section on telling your story...I am not sure how to open a link or start a general thread about christmas...I am trying to get my head around how it all works!

I will hopefully will figure it out with time but I would love to hear about your christmas issues and thankyou for the empathy!

 

[kimberley dawn]

Hi again!

I took upon me to open the link for us all, the holiday is racing toward us, so might as well get some answeres? You will find it under "what's new" link atthe top here .

Glad to hear from you all!

 

[Kairos]

Thanks for doing that...! See you there!

 

[pi314159]

Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry that you suffered and are still suffering.

I hope you benefit from all the kind and understanding people on the forum.

 

[Kairos]

Thankyou for this!....

It is very hard being so lonely...in fact it is the hardest thing..this sense of not belonging to the human race:

The longing to belong..to have a family who loves and accepts and acknowledges the truth of me.

I don't need an apology....just acknowledgement, acceptance and love!