What to do about therapy/psychiatrist

[LilyRose]

Sorry for the long post.

I've been with my therapist for i think 4 or 5 weeks now. We have done 5 minutes of emdr to try it out because i was scared about the aftermath Due to previous experiences. The following week was really bad. I don't know for sure it was because of the session, or it would have happened anyway.
This weeks session was supposed to be doing emdr again. But i was completely out of it and out of focus and she saw it. I couldn't tell her what happened the week before because i couldn't think. She said no emdr for now because i couldn't handle it, i couldn't handle any trauma work she said, as i am completely out of reserves. So she suggested to refer me back to the center which diagnosed me and see a psychiatrist to do more tests and get anti depressants. She thinks besides my tbi and ptsd i have a depression now too.
I got a bit upset because it feels like i failed and she is giving up on me so soon as was my last therapist. And i didn't like the idea, but i don't like being like this either so i said ok.
Later she emailed me with a different plan. Keeping a diary about what i feel and what happened, and sticking to a schedule to do stuff at home and get moving again so i get some energy back. She wants me to do this the next 4 weeks, after next week she is on vacation for 3 weeks. After that she wants to do 3 weeks of emdr and then evaluate what to do next. I am not sure about this, of course the diary and schedule are a good thing, and i am working on it. But i am not sure i'll be ok and have enough energy to cope with emdr stuff after only 4 weeks. I am trying to survive one day at a time and it's really hard to get through the days.
I feel like she is only trying to cover for herself by suggesting the second option and i'd only end up at the same point after those weeks. Just so she can say she really tried.

Not sure what to do, keep struggling like this for probably months, or ask her to refer me back anyway to see a psychiatrist to be sure? (I'll still be doing the diary/schedule thing).

Any thoughts/idea's ?

 

[Teamwork]

One of the things ive learned is not to look ahead. Just for now do todays journal. If something comes up in writing, explore it a bit, write a bit more. You’d be surprised how quickly things start to turn for the better when you write. As to activity, make that your first entry, something like if nothing was in my way today, what would i do?

 

[LilyRose]

It's not that kind of diary, i only have to write how i sleep, how i feel in the morning, afternoon and evening, and what happened to make me feel like that. Because by the time i have an appointment and she asks how my week was, i can't answer because it's a mess in my head.
And when i start thinking about stuff i want but can't, i get more depressed, it makes me think of what i have lost. '

But thanks, maybe i can try that when i am in a better place.

 

[Skywatcher]

Did you learn self soothing and coping skills to use while doing the emdr? Did she recommend ways for you to view your trauma without reliving it?

 

[LilyRose]

Did you learn self soothing and coping skills to use while doing the emdr? Did she recommend ways f...

no nothing like that. But have to say that first time, i didn't get into it at all. I couldn't focus, i was all over the place and to hyper vigilant i guess.

 

[Justmehere]

What work have you done on containment and grounding skills?

Does she have other trauma treatment tools other than emdr?

I’m not sure the issue is the diagnosis but rather needing other tools or a more experienced therapist.

 

[LilyRose]

Nothing really. I am trying to keep myself calm and try to avoid as much as i can and if i get too bad i use alcohol because i think it's better than ending up killing myself.
She said the first time she understood my problem, that it was hard and a bit different than most clients because my tbi problems are in the way. She said she wanted to stick with me and try to find the right treatment even if it took a little longer. So she surprised me when she said she wanted to send me back and stop this.
I don't really care for another diagnosis, i just want the right help. She said i needed to do more tests with a psychiatrist which i am so sick of but if it's needed, i will do it.

This is an experienced therapist, as was the last one. So it must be me doing something wrong.

 

[Skywatcher]

Nothing really. I am trying to keep myself calm and try to avoid as much as i can and if i get too bad...

No. You aren’t doing anything wrong. I believe your therapist is skipping some key steps that are needed in doing emdr.

 

[Justmehere]

So it must be me doing something wrong.

Nope. Not you. It can take time to find the right therapist and the right therapy.

TBI plus PTSD isn’t all that unique.

Nothing really. I am trying to keep myself calm and try to avoid as much as i can and if i get too bad i use alcohol because i think it's better than ending up killing myself.

The work that you need to do right now isn’t on unpacking the trauma or EMDR. Not just yet. That’s not your fault. It’s just the nature of the work. Right now, the focus needs to be on stabilization and skills building. DBT is one therapy that could help a lot in this regard. Once you have a good solid tool belt of skills to ground, then trying EMDR makes more sense. Journaling can be one tool, but you’ll need a full tool belt of healthy coping skills to do the work.

I’d suggest perhaps calling or making an appointment with the referring clinic or with this therapist and asking about help to find treatment around coping skills and stabilization.

 

[piratelady]

So it must be me doing something wrong.

I disagree with this. As Skywatcher said, it sounds like the therapist skipped important steps. Before EMDR or trains work, they should teach you coping, get you stable, etc. you’re not doing anything wrong, you just don’t have any tools yet.

 

[LilyRose]

I know it isn't unique, but i live in a small country and apparently they don't know how to deal with me.

I don't think that is how they work around here, they say emdr is the only thing they didn't do, which is weird because previous treatments (before the last t) where only about tbi not ptsd. The last t jumped in just like that and he pushed me for weeks without caring how i felt in between which among other stuff caused a big crash. But they said it was my fault, i was keeping up my walls and avoiding and they couldn't get through. So i guess this T is kind of an improvement. But this T was my last chance before being send to an intensive inpatient treatment so i am scared what's going to happen next. My T agrees i would not be able to deal with that kind of treatment though.
Before starting emdr i told her about the previous t, and i couldn't cope with his treatment (not emdr) in between, and i was scared it would happen again. But when i say i don't know how to cope or get through the day they just say well, let's just try for a bit and we'll see how it goes..

She also said if i go to the psychiatrist and get meds, it would take months to get stabilized on that so no therapy?

I have one more appointment before she is off for 3 weeks so i'll ask her about coping and stuff.
First i have to see my company doc who is probably going to laugh at me for f*cking up again. He told me it wouldn't work.

 

[Abstract]

Can you send her an email saying you had read it is important to have sufficient coping skills before doing EMDR? You could even refer to a reference if you feel comfortable doing so.