What To Do When Disbelieved?

[Deleted member 37474]

I just got really lost in this thread, but.... I think that being believed/validated is really important in therapy. One of my biggest fears of going was whether she would believe me or just think I am crazy. So on the intake visit we had about 20 minutes left to talk about stuff and my therapist looked me in the eyes and said, "yes, this did happen to you, these memories are real. And they came up because you are grown now, and ready to deal with them." That meant the world to me.

 

[Suzetig]

To have cared about someone and it to have hurt both her and me has been terrible. So many pulling away and leaving me alone has hurt.

I think you cared about your idea of who she is, a picture built up in your mind about her not who she actually is, because you don't know who she actually is in her life. You've no idea whether she is hurt or not, or whether other people have hurt her, simply because you aren't part of her life.

As hard and hurtful as that may sound to you this isn't someone you've been in a relationship without. Whether the circumstances you describe happened, or are part of a psychosis isn't my call to make but even if it all happened exactly as you say, she's still at best someone you bumped into in a shop. I don't know how you find a way through how you're feeling but trying to link up with someone you don't know, posting about them on social media and trying to find them in real life isn't going to end well for you.

I hope you find peace about this.

 

[RavenGirl]

I agree that it's probably time to close that chapter in the book, I was in no way insinuating that you should obsess on the playmate. You can still have hope for a good life, still move on, still get help so you are able to live a good life. You need to deal with the past if you hope to have a future that isn't spiraling out of control.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I'm sorry I don't understand and can't follow this.

 

[joeylittle]

@Beaglefan61 - I'm curious - what (or when, if you prefer not to say) was the trauma that led to your PTSD diagnosis?

 

[Beaglefan61]

Sorry for this being hard to follow. It first it was a concern, but then it did become an obsession admittedly. That was based on the synchronicity, much of which was pretty hard to explain. If not for much of that i would have gone on with my life, which looks like that would have been best.

Yes Suzetig, it was someone i bumped into in a store as it stands. I may have built up some image of who she is but at the end of the day, i really do not know. Going on in some reasonable way regaining me is maybe the best that can be done at this point. How things would have gone had i actually stopped and we had gotten to know each other, i simply do not know. You may be right about how things went may not be the best way to get to know someone. Well, that is absolutely truth and i prefer normally to get to know people who are closest by. This whole thing has been so contrary to my normal style, which i should never have given up. I feel stupid on that part. Thanks for your wishes of peace. I need it as the whole thing makes little logical sense, but happened.

JoeyLittle, it was that i did go into shock and was left hurting that i was unable to stop for her which was the trauma. It is not the usual basis for trauma, but ptsd can include personal reaction to extremely rare events. This qualifies. Also that i said things i would never say was a personal trauma. I need to learn to forgive myself for the state i fell into as that was not my choice.

Ravengirl, what you say about closing the chapter on this looks all too right as it is. For all the concerns and all the signs that seemed to lead to her, when it came to it even if she was hurt by things i said, if she could not come forward and tell the truth when i was in horrible shape, she may not be the best for me obviously. There are others who early in this thread who were stalked or who were disbelieved about things that really did happen to them. Nobody should ever be left doubted for telling the truth and hurt because they did. Period. Maybe i make too many excuses for someone who i was concerned was lost but if so maybe i should have been concerned that i not get lost to in caring too much, if that makes sense.

I wish to care to listen to others again rather than feeling closed to others, which is what much of this has done. Thank you all who said something here as right now my wanting to care for others is what is on the line. Sometimes that is not simply a choice. The parts of the brain that control emotions are older and primary to the parts of the brain that govern choice.

Friday, i understand your point on that. I could not blame her for feeling that way if she does not want to know me. The thing is then she should not have followed me into a store if not willing to say she did. It was something that is so hard to believe that it has left me in terrible shape. It was so unexpected of course shock was not out of line as my reaction. The rest would be all understandable if she said 'i don't want to know you, but the truth is the truth'. You seem stern in your response but i DID NOT ASK HER TO FOLLOW ME INTO A STORE!!!! I did not ask her to call me. If her view is she gave a chance, i went off on her, that is that. Her reaction being 'stay away' i could easily understand. There were other things that happened that happened that i do not put. Many here have been left doubted for the truth and that is never okay. I know she has rights as a celebrity. Celebrities have the same responsibilities as every other person though! Not trying to pick a fight, but can you see my view on that? If she things the rest is creepy and that i am creepy, fine, i will grant her that the whole situation is maybe that. I did not say some guy she met on some dating site is the reason we are not together. That was someone else and even if the playmate did that, that is her choice and i could not fault that. I am sorry that the whole thing is so complicated that was not clear. Those who told me that synchronicity is a 'sign from God' i can tell maybe i shouldn't have listened to that as some of the synchronicity was pretty outrageous in chances. As it stands, I should not have listened to them and simply gone on with my life rather than this getting too creepy. My personal style is to celebrate those who are closest by normally and i don't give much attention to celebrities normally. I don't and never had pictures of her plastered on my wall and the path. The path i thought was something spiritually guided. There is someone who said 'coincidence is God's way of getting your attention' and in this the coincidences were outlandish, almost as if by some outside force. Some i did not ask, like the only person i talked to in a city of 500k ending up being her brother probably. There were many others that were, well freakish like that. I can not explain why. I will grant to you that i got obsessed after too much 'synchronicity' and should just have gone on with my life rather than it all being built up to more in my mine. Whatever she thinks of me personally, she did follow me into a store, i did go into shock, and that part was not all my fault. I regret saying anything of her that was personalized as she does have rights not just as a celebrity, but as a human being. But she did show up at the end of the day and that did have impact, though it was not by any means meant with any harm. What i am saying is in some ways you are right. In some ways so am i. Can you see how i mean? I would if doing something that led to someone going into shock, would admit it. I can understand her view if she does not want to talk and it is very reasonable. At the same time, how you put things maybe overlooks that i was worse after she did certain actions and that is her responsibility, not mine. I can understand your point of view, though find it sharp in how you put it. I am not saying her friends are the reason we are not together. I was just saying if any knew she followed me into a store and knew i spiraled down after, then if any had said 'she doesn't want to talk, but what happen did happen and that is your right to have verified.' Perhaps you think i need a kick in the tail for how i see things and i will say the kick is firmly received. Her friends saying 'keep away' i could easily understand. All i want it the truth known not in some way i publicly say it anywhere but that i can take a note to a therapist and be believed. There has been damage for being disbelieved and that is not my fault . I can live without her. I can not live without me. I want to heal and have fair chance to do so. That is what i am saying. I want to reclaim part of me that is in some ways still standing in a state of shock in the store going 'it really is her!'. No, the hope i reference is not the hope of being it her. It is the hope that i keep even wanting to care about anyone at all, as that i have been losing in being left alone in disbelief too much. Look, i know to you i just sound like some obsessed fan and maybe just deserve to be blasted away no matter how i feel or how badly things are. At the same time, it may seem odd that i believed in 'synchronicity' but for mercy sake can you maybe think of that as sadly misguided and that it led to me building things up in my mind whereas otherwise it wouldn't have?

Thanks for all support everyone. I am not sure if it may be better to withdraw myself at this point and just deal with it all alone. I just don't know anymore.

 

[joeylittle]

i did go into shock and was left hurting that i was unable to stop for her which was the trauma. It is not the usual basis for trauma, but ptsd can include personal reaction to extremely rare events. This qualifies.

No, it doesn't.

No-one here can diagnose you; only a doctor can do that. But, you refer to the 'usual' basis for trauma...it's not so much that there is a 'usual' basis, as there is a set of clinical criteria.

Your situation does not meet the clinical requirements for PTSD, in re: trauma. So, unless something else that does meet those requirements has happened in your life, I would encourage you to keep an open mind about your diagnosis.

It's clear from your writing that you are struggling, and are confused and in pain. Everyone deserves to get help. I'd suggest that you find a highly qualified therapist - perhaps also a psychiatrist - and spend some time starting to untangle all this stuff for yourself.

How's your real-life support system?

 

[Beaglefan61]

Was thinking about leaving the site and simply asking for the thread to be taken down. Regarding symptoms. Flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of the place where it happened, hypervigilance, and irritibility. As stated, my now leaving psychiatric nurse practitioner said that she always considered my primary symptoms truama related and the rest as secondary to that. I am not blaming the person for this at that was not the intended result by any means. It is an unfortunate consequence. She meant no harm and sometimes things just shake out a certain way. At the same time i feel mistaken for having talked about this here and silly about all of it. By that i mean thinking the synchronicity meant anything at all and that anything is a God thing. It all got too crazy taking me there with it. I just feel plainly stupid about all of it! My support system has mostly been lost due to this. Many simply disbelieved about it happening. There has been more disbeleif about it happening than belief by far. Way by far. I am losing my therapist also which would mean rehashing the whole insane story. Maybe i should just leave it all in the category of not understanding why some of the outrageous coincidences and to not really believe much is signs or anything. That thing about the only person i talked to in a town of 500k being her brother would be way out there, but there were many other things just as unlikely as that that happened. I should just throw that up to the universe of whatever is out there and let my fiath be as it is for it all. I meant well at the start of it all but it has basically gotten me pretty lost. Having some concern for her was okay. The rest got into taking too much out of me. Why she did show up in the long run you'd have to ask her. Mostly i will simply be disbelieved on that and expecting more than that i think would be the biggest insanity of all. To expect people to actually believe this would be the huge delusion.
Concern for her at expense of me getting lost from myself looks like it in the long run hurt the original intent of wishing her well. Thing is, i am left in a truth of one and that is by all means how it looks like it will be left, regardless of how painful or the consequences to my life. i can try to minimize those and make the best of what is left. There is a kindness in how you put things and right now i appreciate that as the days and nights have been extraordinarily unkind and i am feeling stupid stupid stupid for all of it at this point. I feel stupid for ever believing in any of it being more than coincidence and for ever talking about any of it. It was all too muich for me. I never wanted a concern to grow to an obsession just because some friend said 'always pay attention to coincidences, that is God's way of getting your attention'. If this thread is any problem for anyone feel free to delete it. I do not know where to turn. I do not know what to do. but that is at the end of the day MY problem, no matter what the results are to me or my way of being. Maybe the lesson to learn is to not try to take it to anyone for support. I need to acknowledge i went crazy over the coincidences simply because some were so unexplainable and leave it at it being the price for my craziness. That is not what you would imply i should do as i can tell you are legimatyely concerned and wish the best for me healing in this. I just don't know what else to do anymore . Tghank you for your concern.

 

[joeylittle]

Maybe the lesson to learn is to not try to take it to anyone for support

I don't think so.

PTSD is not the only explanation for what you are experiencing; and the psych nurse referring to trauma does not mean you have a PTSD diagnosis.

You have symptoms. You've had an intense experience that has left you confused and upset. I believe you've experienced exactly what you've written here.

I'm engaging with you because I am fairly certain that if you continue to look to PTSD as an explanation for your symptoms, you will not get the help you need.

Please - consider looking for another psychiatrist/therapist, one who will not simply dismiss your experience - but will instead work with you on what you are experiencing.

I think sometimes people get afraid of other diagnoses, because PTSD seems somehow different from other mental health problems. Maybe because PTSD happens to a person - it has an onset, and the onset is generally not the 'fault' of the sufferer.

I had depression first, so I don't see it that way. I think that whatever it is, it's important to get a doctor you can trust, and a treatment plan that can make sense and alleviate your suffering.

I hope you keep looking for the right kind of help.

 

[Beaglefan61]

I came back to copy one message into my journal. Was feeling like much was pretty pointless in trying to heal from anything. Saw what you said and what you said made a difference, a needed difference. What you said about experiencing exactly what i have written may mean more to me to hear you say than i can ever ever begin to express. All of this has been brutal. The state i fell into afterward i did not ask for and do have regret for how i was during that. There are some things that are never okay to say or ways that are okay to be, yet i was? That i ended up in an ER over saying certain things is because i am overly conscientious normally and so am not sure if i responded to Friday's points in any over the top way. Yes, i felt guilty enough to end up in an ER from things i said because it hurt that much to be that way. Being in a way where i said certain things i regret to me was a kick in the tail enough as it was without any help needed. I had mostly corned myself in life taking few chances trying to make sure i did nothing wrong to upset anyone, overly conscientious to my own detriment. There is such a thing as being too careful too often.

For how it has been with belief, I have in my life tried to make sure i am always honest, maybe telling a lie every couple of years and then feeling badly for that. To be left hurting for having tried to heal by telling the truth has been painful. I have tried to be responsible to others when doing anything that would cause harm and tried to be honest and open about any actions i have done with others that may cause harm, so am at a loss for all of what has happened. I am fully out of my reckoning on quite nearly all of this to be honest.

What you say about what i am going through being seen as PTSD and treating it like that i will not heal, there is much on that
where i every bit agree. I need to ask what my diagnosis is in that i do have many symptoms of PTSD, but whether or not
the diagnosis itself i am not sure. It did happen not due to my fault and i am not even saying it was the 'fault' of the woman who followed me as much as it was one of those things that happens in life. Many symptoms did have an onset from that moment. There is certainly much else that needs healing apart from that.

Whether or not it was PTSD or not, there were other issues involved where someone not dismissing me is crucial.
Whatever the diagnosis that the therapist and nurse and anyone else attending has listed comes down still to what you say about finding someone who will simply not dismiss my experience.

Thank you for all you say on that. If i don't fit in here, regardless of whether or not my chart says PTSD or not, at least what you say can have me not walk out the door feeling it was fully stupid for ever having said anything, as mostly i have since then. Thank you for what you say and the way you say it. It was needed for me to hear when so many have dismissed not only my experience, but seemed it okay to dismiss my life also. That you have not is appreciated beyond words i put here.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think for a second you're stupid for saying anything. You've had an experience that has left you deeply affected - in many ways it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is, because you need care and support. The reason the ptsd thing matters here is because different treatments that work well for some issues really don't work well for ptsd and vice versa.

I do believe you've experienced this as a trauma, but that doesn't in itself equal ptsd. There are a range of mental health issues and disorders that have their roots in trauma it which need different treatment. I hope you do find the right healthcare provider for you - they are out there. I'd suggest someone who offers Client Centred Therapy given the importance of belief and acceptance to you - a client centred therapist will work to see things from your point of view, which sounds like it would be helpful for you.

 

[Beaglefan61]

Thank you Suzetig, what you say is much appreciated and maybe very very sound in reasoning. My last therapist was maybe too cognitive behavioral and too proudly so. By too proudly so challenging cognition seems to be central to CBT, but challenging events reality can be especially painful. What all happened gets also into some spiritual issues as there was much of the 'synchronicity' that had peoples jaw drop. There were some things some saw before their eyes relating to it all that had people astonished.

So why it all? I don't know. Some of the sore point is the situation itself and being left in disbelief. I know that i may sound a bit sore on some things. Some soreness is there as before the celebrity showed up, i had on my facebook about being stalked by a set of 3 women in 1991. Sounds loopy to say? I was outright called 'half ass crazy' by a therapist. In the end, what i said was confirmed publicly by those who forced the issue because of one brave soul who told my then roommate who was doing what. You can imagine how much damage was taken before it was confirmed. It had then gone on for over a year. The thing about the stalkers was on my Facebook at the same time as when she read my Facebook and showed up.

My roommate said of her responsibility well different people have different moral code. He said it was not wrong per se but just a different moral code when someone does something and how the other person takes it is just seen as their problem, and they do not see themselves as having responsibility for their actions. Asking him what he would do if he were the celebrity, he said he would admit it as it would be the right thing to do. So maybe i can just take the celebrity as having a different moral code than me. In the long run, maybe that answers all of itself. People should be with people of similar morality maybe. This does not affect that i still wish that certain things i had not said, regardless of my state and influences. Who chose those people in my life? Me.

You are right about care and support and i thank you for yours. I may not fit in well here but at least can leave feeling less stupid for saying something about it all. Thank you for everything. Best to you and everyone here in their healing and lives.
Take good gentle care of yourself