What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Mina]

"Oh, I know how you feel!!!"

Really? 'Cause last time I checked, you don't have PTSD. Your kids didn't want to go to bed, so you got "only" at least 7 hours of normal, uninterrupted sleep. I went to sleep triggered at 12:30am and awakened at 2:24am practically hyperventilating from a horrible nightmare I'd have sworn was real. My husband (luckily just home from work) had to talk me through combat breathing while I sat and petted the dog and clutched my stuffed toy porcupine. I was up until nearly 4am using every trick in the book to calm myself down, then caught 2.5 hours sleep before having to get up to come here, where I have to play nice with your stupid self.

You have no IDEA how I feel.

 

[nw217]

Wow what an awesome thread! I am so glad to be in such great company and know I no longer suffer alone! Recently my friend who happens to be the wife of my now X shrink said, "thats ridiculous! I can't believe you are so upset! How bizarre!"
we are no longer speaking.

 

[NomadHeart]

I find this whole thread helpful. To know that I'm not the only one who hears this, thus making me not crazy lol.

Seriously though, it breaks my heart when people, even loved ones say these things to me. The most popular is "just don't think about it"... for the first time, here on this forum I am glad I don't have to explain the insanity of that statement.

My reactions are always different to the statements too. The "just don't think about it" for example, the same person could say that to me, and one reaction may be me rolling my eyes and thinking "must be nice to have your thought process control", and other times, I could flip out completely, and then I could just feel like I'm in the wrong and may I am thinking wayyy to into this and it is my fault.

Regardless, thank you everyone for this helpful thread.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I took yesterday off work (have been really depressed and processing a lot) and my husband called me this morning and told me "It's time to join the world again, you have to get up and go to work." Blah!!! I'm at work, had intended on coming in today - but really?!? It's time to join the world again? So now I'm at work, with my bubble around me to protect me against the world I'm supposed to be joining......WTH?

 

[Mercy]

What good company you all are!

Meeting just one person who gets it is hard enough. I feel sorry for my husband because he didn't marry into all this. We'd been married 20 yrs when the memories came back.

People, even therapists, sometimes just don't get it.
the trauma has changed our brains....i can feel it everyday..........

There have been scientific studies in England that show TLight is right on in many ways. One of the most recent studies I have read in the New York Times, about brain function has scientists studying brain and genetics. They found out something that makes so-o-o much sense to me. They found that children from average families have their DNA, which replicates dopamine, seratonin, and norepinephrin, able to open and 'turn on' the correct codes. Children who have had traumatic childhoods, refugees, war, domestic abuse....do have those same sequences but they are unable to open and replicate. Those genes have simply been 'turned off'.

 

[Carolina]

Thanks for the thread. Thought I'd just pop in to say that as a carer, I have yet to say something as stupid as that.

Thank God, and here I thought I was really lame support!!

 

[cat]

Unhelpful things said to me

'You can't possibly be this upset over being assaulted'
'Counselling is a waste of time'
'What is your psychologist saying about me, you shouldn't be seeing her' (from a family member, obviously with her own issues)
'You just need to forget about it'
'Don't let your memories of him rule your life' - if only they were that easy to forget
'Leave the past where it is, you just have to live with it'
'You just need to get a grip'
From my personnel manager 'how long will your therapy take, its very inconvienient to take time off, can't you just do it during the school holidays, you'd have two weeks?

All these from people who have not experienced PTSD, so really don't understand that these words just compound our feelings of frustration with our symptoms. If there was an option none of us would feel this way!

 

[blackemerald1]

How about, "You are a parasite on society! Go get a job." That one came hurtling at me when I had been found unfit due to a work injury and deemed forever unfit for work.The benefits were so low I could not support my child and myself. So I made a secret deal with the devil, let me have my Long Service Leave and Superannuation in a pension, they agreed to do so but I only have 7 years before it is all gone. I am educating my son though.

 

[Invictus_88]

"Your obsession with your crappy childhood is destroying the lives of everyone around you."

When I was younger, I said this to quite a few people.

 

[MELGI]

OH my God! I have surely said a few of these ... I am sorry, I really did not know.

My boyfriend PTSD just came from nowhere, I am trying to learn fast.
I am not even sure that he knows about PTSD ..

Thank you so much..

Melgi

 

[lexie381]

Oh goodness - I can SO relate to these!
Generally I get told to -

"Stop acting like a Princess whos thrown herself on the floor because she can't have her own way"

"Just grow up and stop acting like a 10 year old" (The thing about this one is the age goes down depending on how 'neurotic' I am being!)

"WHAT??" when I say something that is supposed to be completely way off the mark

"Put your Brain into gear before you say anything else"

There are just so many and I can understand why they get said but try as I might to stop the symptoms , I find it really difficult.

 

[This Ends Now]

Grrrrrrrrrr......

What has me so mad I can't see straight is what the bastard Massachusetts democrat James H. Fagan said a few days ago about child rapists. I can tell that this asshole will probably not die of old age. He said that if he had the chance to be the attorney for a child rapist, that in his cross-examination of the victim, he would tear them apart, he would make an 8-year old throw up, a 12 year old stop sleeping and and 19 year old so that they would never have a relationship with another human being again, ever. I can't believe that he would scream out his thoughts like that and show the world what a heartless, inhumane prick he really is. (That's the definition of a lawyer...)

Everyone I know has either been a victim of child abuse or knows someone who is. People who are so passionate about causing the victims of child rape even more PTSD should not be allowed to have the power of attorneys or legislators. I am certain that the people of Massachusetts are ashamed of him, as am I, just by being human and alive.

He is the reason why victims don't take the perps to court. We are afraid of getting sadistic lawyers like Fagan who think that it's more important for him to win his case at any cost, even if he knows the perp is guilty, than to put a criminal in a cage. Maybe karma will bite him in the butt this time.

Suddenly all those torture and interrigation techniques I was forced to learn as a child seem useful.... grrrr... ::stupid intrusive thoughts::

Short list of things NEVER to say to ME:
1. Why didn't you testify? (please see above quote)
2. What's wrong with you? (do you really want to know?)
3. Why do you feel the need to drink? (please read 5 pages of my journal)
4. I know you are exaggerating your PTSD to get attention (yeah, vomiting stomach acid for an hour is a great way to make new friends)
5. I know you take your meds to get high (wanna see me off them champ?)
6 Are you sure you are not just making this all up (yeah, I somehow got sworn, notarized testimony from at least 10 people to verify a work of fiction)
7. Everybody has problems (true... I was beaten, drugged, molested, handcuffed, held at knife point, held at gunpoint, waterboarded, and raped... but lets not make a contest out of this ok?)