What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[rainy_daze]

Never bring up why I have PTSD. Never bring up the past when I'm not prepared to discuss it. If you want your face ripped off, then that's your business. When I say I don't want to talk about it, I mean what I say. Please hear me when I say the words. If you want to talk about awful stuff, because you feel you need to, go do it with someone else, someone who is coping and not on the edge. That person, who can handle you talking about it, is not me. If I wanted to talk to you about it I would. End of discussion.

I would very much like the people in my life to hear the above statement.

Another one not to say: "It's been a long time". Oh, I hadn't noticed, I forgot to buy a calendar, you idiot.

I've heard this one a few times: "Life will pass you by". Um, does it not pass everyone by? That phrase is stupid. What do you expect me to be doing exactly? This isn't your life, it's mine, and I'll do what I want with it.

I'm glad for this thread today.

 

[tired of the fight]

rainy_daze,

I hope I didn't say something to upset you. I'm glad this thread is here as well. I know I'm not alone, when it comes to people making comments that upset or hurt me as well

 

[rainy_daze]

Oh, Tired of the fight, I assure you, you haven't said anything at all to upset me. I was venting in my above post because I really needed to get it out of my brain, and was about things I've been hearing lately from people in my life. I'm grateful that I have support, but sometimes the comments or the topics they bring up aren't helpful, so I posted about them in this thread. :hug:

 

[twopenny]

I'm sure this one's been up before, but, 'Cheer up darlin', might never happen'... akin to, 'Smile, sweetheart, can't be that bad', which also makes me want to punch the cheerful oaf saying it till they pass out. (Not that I would, obviously, too scared for that, but I can imagine it.)

Never bring up why I have PTSD. Never bring up the past when I'm not prepared to discuss it. If you want your face ripped off, then that's your business.

This is where being disconnected from it can actually be a bonus (in a slightly black humour, macabre way). If somebody wants to ask me why I have it, and doesn't listen when I use some get-out phrase like 'It's a long story', then they'd better be prepared to sit down and have me tell them exactly why, very coldly and clinically, and in extreme, gut-wrenching detail. Well, gut wrenching to most people. To me it's like the plot of a book I read once, a long time ago.

 

[Chincho]

"I've had bad things happen to me too and I'm fine!"

This coming from my passive-agressive, emotional abuser mother.

 

[Abstract]

(After having been pushed to share how I am doing and answering "not that well and am back in therapy"). Answer: maybe you just need to stop having therapy. This with a slightly annoyed look on face.

This from my sister a qualified and registered psychologist. Just as well she doesn't treat anyone.

 

[DharmaGirl]

If it triggers you, stop watching, I thought if I could watch it you could.

This was said by a friend who sent me a link to a documentary on child molestation. She thought it would make me feel better about myself. By the time I realized it was not a film on overcoming childhood molestation, I was trigged. I was almost in a full blown panic when I remembered to take ativan. There went the rest of my day.

 

[tired of the fight]

I'm so upset. My dad did it again to me. He was telling me how my sis and her family are up camping (knowing i cant leave the house), the kids said i wanna go poppy, he said when your mom is ready, I said dad please don't do that, makes me feel so guilty and the kids feel bad.

I'm ready to scream. This is ongoing. No let up.

so I ran outside to cry.

I asked him again, please dont do that!!

so sad and discouraged!!!

He has told them several times he would take them, then ends up not going and blaming it on me... I cannot believe he refuses to respect boundrie's. I dont know what to do anymore, I just dont:cry:

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

"You shouldn't let your past define you. You have a choice in how you live your life now."

Well, thank you captain obvious! Really? I have a choice? Well, why didn't you say so?

Excuse me while I go wave a magic wand to make it all disappear.

I don't understand why people think that we choose to have this. Do they honestly think we like it?

(((Tired of the fight))) So sorry. I can understand how that probably makes you feel inadequate to your kids. Why couldn't he just ask you if he can take his grand kids camping? So sorry!

 

[PurpleSurvivor]

"If you had thought positively enough during the trauma you'd be able to move on". No, I'm not making this one up.

 

[The Albatross]

Oh we choose alright. We surely do, but no. We don't like it... it is preferable though to the fears that drive us. At least it was for a time for me.

 

[Venusian]

"Smiles are free! We are giving them away today! See, she has one." And on and on it went. I just went into the shop to see what kind of moisturizer they had. I turned and left. I will smile when I feel like it and I will ask for help when I need it. Just back off a little bit and let me breathe.