What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Cecilia]

You know, I thought about this a little bit more and yes people have said some rude remarks, but when I think about the things I have said to my carers, it more than evens things out.

We cannot control what people say, we can only control our reactions, the way we view it and the way we respond. They are totally out of our control.

All we can do is try to be kind to ourselves and those around us.

I think I better take a break for a while.

 

[brokenchild]

I have heard most of the things in this thread as well.

When I finally got the nerve to tell someone, first my psychologist who had to tell my social worker, Children Services told me I had "false memories" because I waited so long to tell (it was 3-4 years after the last episode). Tell the x-ray of my fractured vertebra it's a false memory than get back to me.

On the other side of the coin, you get comments like:
"Why didn't you tell someone?" :rolleyes:
What a GREAT idea, except I was threatened, the family I lived with was threatened, I knew what happened to me when I tried to run away and can't imagine what they would have done had I told.

"Things like that don't happen. You're making it up"
Yes, I'm making up the scars and x-rays also. I'm making up the panic attacks and nightmares too. I WANT to feel like I'm dying and/or it's happening all over again when I talk about what happened. It's all part of my game. WTH???

 

[2quilt]

Should we start another thread about 'How to Respond to Careless PTSD Remarks" or something like that, like Cecilia said? I agree, making the list in this thread is helpful because it lets us know that we are not alone in the reception of careless remarks, slights, insults, put-downs, verbal slaps... you get the picture.
But also, as Cecilia said, we need a cache of responses to hopefully enlighten that careless speaker. Can I add some smartass verbal slaps for responses, oh please, please, please? Because some careless remarks are simply because the speaker is not educated on PTSD, and sometimes the speaker is just an ashhole who means to cause us pain.
Either way, we need verbal ammunition.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I must admit, I have not posted on this thread because for me, I have to go to a negative mind set to think about what people say that make me angry.

Oh, well, that's not hard for me at all!

I know I take breaks from here when I feel a need, Cecelia. So if you feel you have to, no worries. When you feel you are ready to return, you are still welcome to come back.

I say this a lot, I know, but I mean it and it's legit- you're in my prayers!

 

[ladybug08]

Before I found out that I have PTSD, my mom would say that there is nothing wrong with me. You are just upset because you cannot have your way. My childhood was abusive. My parents fought like cats and dogs almost all the time. My mom is an alcoholic, and an undiagnosed personality disorder. There was almost never a peaceful moment. It was craziness all the time. I struggled with depression...suicidal...anxiety etc.

Members in my family knew about the abuse...of course nothing was done. Some would say if I go to church and become active, then my problems will go away.

A few if my friends knew I was in therapy. They too felt that therapy would not help...I need to come to God...He will fix it.

Well...I did not know what to do... therapy or no therapy. :dontknow:

Now lets fast forward to the present...I now know that I have PTSD, and I am in therapy, and I am learning how to cope, and I am learning about me. :clap:

It's their problem if they do not understand what PTSD is. I am doing what's best for me, and so far therapy is helping.

 

[Anonymoose]

I've been told:
"You're not over that yet?"
"You'll never make any money until you forgive us. God is punishing you for your unforgiveness."
"You have to let it all go and move on."
These comments were made over the loss of body parts.

 

[map9]

A few hours after my mother died of cancer my sister came over to me where I was crying and said "Just get over it." My mother, me and my daughter were allies in our dysfunctional family. We were the ones with PTSD from the abuse. Losing her was a BIG trauma amidst the many lifelong ones.

But, the other clueless comments, I have heard them ALL at one time or another. It's very much like being hit ... just with words, it leaves another kind of scar. When it's done with malice and forethought, I make a mental note, as they are the real sickos. Then I avoid them or shun them if it's in a social setting.
I try to not talk about my PTSD with anyone who is not educated on what it is. Hence I have a lot of things that have gone unsaid that probably needed to have been discussed. That was why I came to this forum in the first place.

As for the many different remarks, I can't say which one upsets me the most, because they all do. It's just that the one mentioned above was a really cruel and nasty cut, plus I was in a very vulnerable place emotionally. So, it sticks out in my mind the most as I was seeing, for the first time, how deceptive she was. (Like the sheep's clothing had slipped off the devil.) So it was a multilayered shock. I wasn't expecting it at all, especially from my sister.

 

[Irton Pike]

A year after my car crash, my gorgeous mrs walked out on me. Can't say i blaim her really. Anyway, my best mate and my brother both laughed at me and said

"Serves you right"

 

[sunnydaze]

Fighting Lily,
The start of my husband's P.T.S.D. and a repeat of mine was when his son was murdered. His mother told him the day he buried his 23 year old son was "get over it and move on with your life." We were totally shocked.
sunnydaze

 

[Irton Pike]

Having come out of the wardrobe at work about my PTSD, my boss has taken to getting dead shirty about me forgetting things. "You're always forgetting things!" and "Just you remember whos paying you" Are just two of his most favourite phrases.

"Yeah?" say I "No sh** Sherlock!"

 

[Rivergirl]

My favourite was from a psychiatrist that I saw a long time ago, only once, because I was feeling lost and adrift. My family had exploded and I was no longer in touch with them, and I just felt stuck and alone. I know now that what I said was deeply related to being adopted (by a hostile family), but his answer made my jaw drop and I never saw him again.

I said "I just don't feel like I have any connection to the human race".......

And he said "Hmmmm.....don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

(way to dismiss my feelings without figuring out what they were about, you jerk!)

Rivergirl

 

[kitkat]

My Mom does the "get over it", "it's in the past", "learn to deal with it like I do"....blah blah bah. So supportive. I also cant stand when someone asks me if I took my medicine. I went to the dentist a few months ago and the dumbass read my chart and it said ptsd, he had the nerve to say that I didn't look like a war veteran!!!!!!!!! I was so mad I could've punched him. He topped it off with telling me that I took what he said the wrong way and didn't think he needed to apologize. A dr who doesn't even know what ptsd is.....Thats a dr I'm never going back to.