What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[pandora]

I don't let the past bother me.....

OK...if it was that easy, it wouldn't bother me either!

 

[2quilt]

on Cnn.com

What has me so mad I can't see straight is what the bastard Massachusetts democrat James H. Fagan said a few days ago about child rapists. I can tell that this asshole will probably not die of old age. He said that if he had the chance to be the attorney for a child rapist, that in his cross-examination of the victim, he would tear them apart, he would make an 8-year old throw up, a 12 year old stop sleeping and and 19 year old so that they would never have a relationship with another human being again, ever. I can't believe that he would scream out his thoughts like that and show the world what a heartless, inhumane prick he really is. (That's the definition of a lawyer...)

Everyone I know has either been a victim of child abuse or knows someone who is. People who are so passionate about causing the victims of child rape even more PTSD should not be allowed to have the power of attorneys or legislators. I am certain that the people of Massachusetts are ashamed of him, as am I, just by being human and alive.

He is the reason why victims don't take the perps to court. We are afraid of getting sadistic lawyers like Fagan who think that it's more important for him to win his case at any cost, even if he knows the perp is guilty, than to put a criminal in a cage. Maybe karma will bite him in the butt this time.

 

[catjudo]

2quilt--I'm right there with you. I was absolutely disgusted by his comments. What makes me angry is he gave that little "speech" when speaking AGAINST legislation for minimum mandatory sentences for child rapists (Jessica's Law). I realize he is a criminal defense attorney and such legislation would make his job more difficult but he is supposed to be working as a State Representative at the moment. To me that means his current job is passing legislation that is in the best interest of the masses, not just the criminals. I get so furious just thinking about it. :mad:

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have since thought about what happened with the last local counselor I saw, and I kept holding off on complaining about it because of a number of reasons. No idea if it's worth complaining about, no idea if it would be accepted, and then because she's local and does business in the same building as two other doctors I see, and it is a small building, I didn't want the repercussions. Now she's gone. Now I'm complaining.

But the last time I complained about a counselor's misconduct I also had witnesses and a police report. And the state of Wyoming still ignored it. Hopefully Colorado will be more accepting of my complaint.

 

[cg munn]

hi there. I'm new to this. I left a job recently because of lack of support and constantly feeling like my security was threatened. My favorite comment was "you don't need to feel frustrated, or you need to show more patience and trust". That is hilarious, telling someone with severe PTSD that they need to show more patience and trust and not feel frustrated. Thank God I found this site. Now I don't feel so alone!

 

[Irton Pike]

I got some very good advice from one of my previous managers. I work for one emeritus professor and one real one1 the emeritus prof is devious, and highly manipulative and a bully. So much so that he has helped push me back into full blown PTSD. anyway, I approached my other boss the firast time the old boy started getting nasty with me and he told me "he just needs someone who will work with him, if not I'll have to find someone else" A year of bullying later I told the same bloke how it wasn't nice having the threat of unemployment hanging like a sword of Damocles and he told me I was "very wrong to feel like that" and that this whole problem was my fault for getiing so uptight.

I love people with aspbergers.

 

[mattrealm]

I have been to therapy and have been told:
"I see your mom here, I can tell she wouldnt........"
Really? Perhaps you can read my mind too, since you are psychic. or so the therapist thought.

I have heard:
"Is that all you do all day, is feel sorry for your self?"
Am I feeling sorry for myself? I am too numb to feel sorry for myself. I hate pity, so why suffer myself to self pity?I dont.

I am asked who I am talking to when having flashbacks, I say I am not talking to anyone. Sure as hell ain't telling my mom when I am down. Besides, I wasn't talking to myself.........It's called really intense memories that you find yourself replying to because it seems like uit keeps happening.

I am asked by my mom:
" why do you wake up in a pissy ass attitude? Go back to bed if you are so tired, you dont need to be up anyway"
I think:
Gee mom, you finally understand, I'm tired. Yet not tired enough to return to the constant nightmares. Wondering why I have a bad mood? Maybe if you didnt want to sleep because of nightmares. O wait thats right, thats why you (mom) live on your computer drowned out of the world. I wish I could do that.

I told a social worker and psychiatrist 6 times in my whole life, the seventh has not and will not happen. I learn to deal with them saying:

"You are lying" That's a simple statement, care to elaborate on what part was a lie?

"that bruise isnt big enough to be from that" No your right, but It takes me that long to get above what feels like an ocean of fear anf stress before i could talk.

"maybe you should.........." I tried those, if I didnt I dont want to. I long gave up on asking for help from others.They reply:

"Then what should we do to help you if you dont want to hear our suggestions?" Suggestions that will help me are those that havent been mentioned over and over. Lets just say the only way you can help, is what i was hoping you would do: Just listen, I only want to get this off my chest.

When I was younger about 5 to age 16 I was violent with anger, because I had no way to cope. When I would have outbursts I would be lectured by psychiatrists on how MY Behaviour is wrong and that i have NO EXCUSE. Of course I cant give you a reason, perhaps I was not strong enough to then. Yet I learned to cope with the anger, only because I was sick of them saying this after my every outburst:

"You say you will try but you dont. Ever hear the saying should of, would of, could of?"
By the same psychiatrist that thought she was psychic and thought
that I am a liar.
This forum is helpful, I heard most of these.

 

[xmaxinex]

"are you starting again?"

"you need help" - I do get help. It doesn't stop you from resorting to using my illness as a trump card if I ever defend myself.

"Why can't you just put on your happy face like so-and-so?" If you only knew how many times I have to put on a happy face. Guess I can't let you see who I really am.

Which leads to the "I can't handle it[what is going on with her]." Sometimes this "remark" is accompanied by withdrawal until I put on my happy face. Sometimes it marks an end to a relationship.

"don't tell anyone about what happened" This is said to protect me because it is very easy for people to want to place blame--on me. However, anyone I become close to eventually has to know this because it is something I am dealing with on a regular basis. It was in the newspaper. I take medication and see a psychiatrist, for heaven's sake. I am not about oversharing right away. And I do sometimes see attitudes change after my disclosure.

 

[JustJane]

The silence is what hurts me. The expression that zeros in and you know they are trying to keep from saying out loud:
"Are you serious?"
"What is wrong with you!?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You really are insane!"
"This is a joke, right?"
"OMG There are aliens among us."
"You really are twisted!"
"You can't be serious!"
"What did you just say?"

They can't hide what they are thinking. They don't know how painful that expression is and how all too common it is.

It hurts.

 

[vietnam2nd]

my parents told me because i was isolating in the winter time this year not going out for months. you need to go out. that is true but they don't know their is time with this diesage we isolate. they also said to me stop being so angry over small things. if they where not sleeping like me they might understand how a person can have a short fuse. they tell me to forget about vietnam i am not their anymore i wish i could. they don't understand the nightmares and intrusive thoughts. only someone with ptsd can understand us. i know my parents love me they just can't understand what i go thou. like the doctor at the va told me the war really **** you up and you will never be the same again. i try to use the helpful tools i learn when i went thou treatment at the va hospital. i have gone thou the 45 day program three times.

 

[Dylan]

Oh man, I LMBO at this one (She-Cat's contribution):

"1) What are you depressed about NOW?????

Like it's been any different for the past 40 years.....

2) Just do something....

Ok asshole as soon as I can drag myself out of the pits of despair and can pull my head out of my ass I will."


One I have gotten from my partner, when I've ramped up and gone off the deep end is, "Well, you did it to yourself." That slays me. As if I did it on purpose to be weak and get sympathy or something. Hell, no, I start scraping up the side of the pit as soon as I'm able, damnit.

 

[funluvnbrenda1]

I've heard it all too.......get over it...stop dwelling on it...think about something else. People just don't get it.

bren