What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[LuckyStar]

It is my husband I believe who suffers PTSD and your honesty here helps me to know what NOT to say! At least not say anymore. I have understood his pain and know why it cuts him so deeply, but I must admit while trying to help I have said somethings that probably weren't. I can see it more clearly now and I thank you all.

 

[Lion]

I heard this a few days ago when I was trying to explain to a friend why I was in such a dark mood..."You should stop living in the past, drop the bad feelings and memories for a change"
I wanted to smack him into tomorrow, but decided that he was a narrow minded idiot instead and not worth the effort.

 

[CaliSparrow]

(The Serenity Prayer - that's priceless. I mean it's a good prayer but not a good suggestion!)

My last fired therapist said, "Gosh, you're such a nice person and all these bad things keep happening to you! Why is that?!" I wanted to reach through the phone and throttle her!

 

[lost girl]

As a carer I have been guilty of saying some of these things when anger is directed at me.

As a sufferer, the things I most despise hearing are:

relax!
don't sweat the small stuff!
are you sure *the abuse* was intentional?
you're paranoid
everybody has bad things happen

 

[katapuss]

I've had:

Just let go of the past
Cant you see that's what Im bloody trying to do

Why do you keeping raking up the past
Because it's raking up me...and because I need to come to terms with it

and in relation to me healing myself
why don't you stop doing this to yourself
because stopping feels far worse than actually doing something about it

You're too sensitive ( I hate this one)
You bet I bloody am, so would you have been if you'd been through the same thing

 

[jeapea]

but wait! there's more!

If it was THAT bad why didn't you leave before now???
Oh I don't believe that, he wouldn't do that!
If I even suspected he was doing that I would have been gone so fast!!!
You're just being vindictive.
Your counselors are as crazy as YOU are!

 

[void]

When I told some friends of 20 years one of them said "Well at least it's not something too serious, like, you know, cancer or something life threatening.":mad:

Void

 

[TLight]

My gosh........After reading all these things, I've decided how imperitive it is for us to be very judicious about who we tell. When I was in my first couple of years of therapy and angry, I told just about anyone. I was indeed condemned with the same insensitive comments.
After all we have been through, there is absolutely no need to have to defend ourselves once again. Most of us have been through horrible wars, either in childhood or overseas.........the lack of respect for our scars is abhorrent to me.

If I am strong enough someday, an awareness campaign regarding PTSD and mental illness in general would be so valuable for this society. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is horribly screwed up, judgemental and nonsupportive. Especially now, with all the vets coming back, my hope is people can find it in their hearts to have compassion for others who have damage brains and souls.
This is my prayer Lord.

 

[midi]

When I was little, I used to cry all the time and scream in my sleep. Of course it was because my mother's friend repeatedly raped me-but to cover it up, my mother tried to convince me that I was just "over sensitive" and she used to tell people that too! They sucked it up like candy!

...alas, that's not the worse insult I've ever encountered. After the accident, when I couldn't even walk across the street (I'd stand there, frozen at the edge of the sidewalk), my Ex said, "Your mind isn't made of glass." It was before the PTSD diagnose. Of course, there were the standbys, "You're just being paranoid," and "Get over it."

In our society, conformity and silence is far more important than healing and acceptance. Let's not make the same mistakes concerning shell shock in WWI and PTSD in WWII and Korea and Vietnam and all other conflicts up until now--let's raise awareness!

 

[dust]

"we all have difficulties"
"therapists ruin families"

 

[TyR]

"Take it easy."

This one bugs me 'cause it's so freakin' condescending. It's usually followed by a rapid, loud throwback of "YOU take it easy!"


"Just try to put it out of your head."

If I could, I wouldn't be afraid to leave my home, stand in a crowd or anything else this thing has taken from me.


"Do you think you'll be better by <insert timeframe here>?"

Gee, let me just check my PTSD Calendar and find out when it'll be taking a day off. Oh, wait, it DOESN'T take a day off! Come here so I can flick your ear.

 

[uplate]

Hi all, I'm new here.

This could be a long list so I'll stick to biggest jaw droppers

"You can change if you want to" (said by a victims of crime psychologist at the first and last consult)

"You sound a little paranoid, I'll just go get someone" (said by an ER Dr when I presented following an assult)

Laughter, hysterical grief reactions from family members just don't go down well.

Diplomatic explainations and reasonings on behalf of the perp by someone who doesn't even know anything about it, it's dissmissive and comes out as excusing their actions while blaming me. (Not sure if it's too much of the popular psychology culture or the delusion bad things don't happen to good people) On the other hand indignant outrage kind of sets me off too.

"lighten up" (since when has grief been optional?)

"You fall outside our criteria" (after going through the whole find a service, wait, OMG public transport panic and pre testing. They could have told me that over the phone)

That whole "it's outside my job description/we have lost/we need you to submit (for the third time) the very same doccuments you gave us last week, can you get in to see the Dr today?" when dealing with gov people, how very convienient.

And my personal favorite, "You're crazy" wrapped in whatever patronising package happens to be handy. Found out "do you want to see crazy!" is probably not the best response, "if you're an example of sane I'm quite happy to stay the way I am thanks" worked only slightly better.