What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[NarcSis]

Ha, my sister is a fan of, "You just have to snap out of it, just move on."
Wow, if only it were that easy!! Genius! Why didn't I think of that?

Oh and I get alot of "Its because you care too much" or "She's safe"(this from a counsellor while I was triggering in session)...I really don't care if she's safe, duh, what about ME?! Umm, suffering here, don't care about "her"!!!!!

 

[Irton Pike]

When I told some friends of 20 years one of them said "Well at least it's not something too serious, like, you know, cancer or something life threatening.":mad:

Void

I find it quite difficult to sum my feelings up over this one but this comes fairly close:

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

[Cloud]

Well, my favarite one is, " just think positive thoughts or good things that you have in your life.

Hello, if you haven't done your research about how chronic trauma can change the chemicals in your brain. You should just try to be 100% supportive.

Or life is hard; just suck it up! Small wonder that he is now my exhusband!!

Kris

 

[jennifer0506]

I HATE IT when someone tries to incinuate that what im saying is over the top. like you know when someone goes
'funny how you just read that in the article, and now you have it'
escuse me?!

oh and the common 'whats wrong noww?!' and all that really rives me up.

 

[Luthien]

1) "look for the positive in what happened" or "try to see what you can learn from what happened"
Right..I am sorry, but I am unable to find ANYTHING positive about being brutally gang-raped. And how the hell is learning anything from it supposed to help? Oh, and while I'm saying what I really think about your dumb remarks, are you unable to say the word? I was RAPED maybe if you would say the word and apply it to the context you are putting it in, you'd see how stupid a suggestion that is.(It is even worse when they try to say that learning from it is the positive.)

2) "It's been X number of years now"
(the implication being that I should be over it by now)

3) "you're not there anymore, look at the life you have now"
I AM STUCK BACK THERE BECAUSE OF PTSD ASSHOLE!!!! RAWR! Don't you think if I could look at what I have now, I'd be doing just that?


4) I am in the middle of a panic attack and flashing back to what happened and DH says "just hold me, hold me" like he's the one who needs comforting....

And the winner of all stupid remarks is:
5) "God has a purpose...there is a reason for everything that happens, you just can't see what that is right now."
Okay well you, and God, can go f*** yourselves, because if he purposely had me raped to serve his purposes, and you find that okay, then you're both a**holes!

It is great to be able to laugh at others insensitivity or their inability to understand, but it is SO frustrating to feel like there is no one who does understand.

Thank goodness for this forum.

 

[Simpleman33]

What an outstanding thread. I have two things that are asked to me, not often, but when it comes it is ugly. These comments are not related to PTSD (I think) but general military service.

I do not even respond to people anymore when they ask me.. "Did you kill anyone" - the followups are worse, regardless if you tell them yes or no. I have not for the record but have said yes because I was tired of the responses to no - and wow I will never do that again, that response was worse than the no responses.

As if it where a f***'n privilage to take another humans life. Way to go buddy :thumbs-up. I no no problem doing what I need to do, but it was never anything i looked forward to doing or "wanted" to do, it was not a goal or a mark on my checklist of fun things to do while in the sand box.

I will take a moment to laugh though because we all need to... I was visiting my brother and one of his shitbag friends asked me this... I replied "I'm about to". I was pissed at the time and actually just wanted to outright hit the guy. Now that I look back at it I laugh.

The worst question is - "Did you see any of your friends die". Are you ****ing kidding me.... DO NOT EVER ASK THIS QUESTION TO A VET! Why the hell would you ask that question? Why, I just dont get it. I have talked about this subject with people before, but on my own terms, my own choice and way, when I was prepared to open that can.... I just don't get people sometimes. I want to hit something just thinking about this. :mad::stupid:

I tend to over-write my reply to others threads because shit just explodes from my mind if I decide to reply. :wall:

 

[cragger65]

From my best friend: "Why don't you just get a job".

I don't know, because the stress of going to the store sometimes winds me up for 2+ hours, and I can handle about as much external pressure as a feather can handle wind.

From my brother: "People only check themselves into mental hospitals to take a vacation, and avoid going back to work".

F&%king dick.

 

[cragger65]

Simpleman, I got a chuckle myself out of your comment to your brother's friend ;P

That would infuriate me with the questions about death too. You think people would be a little more sensitive to the reality of it, and can their morbid curiousity.

Don't worry about writing too much, btw, worry about not writing enough. that's what this board is for, afterall, to get it out.

 

[Yumeko-chan]

I love people with aspbergers.

I know I'm coming into this late. Blame myself for not finding this place sooner. But I have Asperger's and my b/f wouldn't have it any other way :wink:

We bought this book called "All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome" a few months back and we both agree it fits me to a T (heck, even before that his nickname for me was Kitty). It seems like it's meant for kids but it's such a cute read.

 

[Yumeko-chan]

Maybe I exaggerated when I said I've never been to a therapist. I did see one in college, about three times =P The main thing he said that irritated me was him saying (it was four years later at this point) that I have "panic disorder," not PTSD. Oh yeah? So explain all the crap I felt after the shooting, huh?! Just 'cause I was doing better by that point doesn't mean I'm on the way to being cured, oh no. If there was a cure, don't you think I would've shelled out for it years ago?

I've heard this a lot: "Bless your heart." Aaaargh.
Or "God must have something special intended for you." Well, after what's gone on the past ten years, if He does have something in mind, it better be superpowers or something, 'cause I don't see anything worth the past ten years of my life!
"Have you ever tried going to a church to find God?" or
"You must have a lot of faith in God" Um, nope, sorry, don't. I think I officially lost all faith when my brother hung himself last year. Call that the final straw, if you will.
"You're so strong." Ha, this one gets me. I never know how to react. Strong because I haven't gone flippin' insane although by all accounts I probably should have? No, I think that's called disconnecting.
(from a customer at work) "And I thought *I* had problems." Gee, thanks. She then proceeded to recommend echinacea for my tremors. Ha ha, it is to laugh.
(from Mom) "I lost my husband/dad/son!!!!" Yeah, and they would also happen to be my dad, grandpa, and older brother. Your point? I lost the same people you did.
(also from Mom) Variants of "We've all suffered through a lot." Well, that may be true, several relatives have died and she did have to tend to Dad for the years he was sick, yes, but *I* was the one who got molested and *I* was the one who was there during the shooting. Don't try to discount what I've gone through.
(random guy on YouTube) "You're just an attention whore." Oh, because I'm choosing to speak up about the shooting instead of hiding in a corner rocking back and forth in a padded room?

And if anybody (not on this board, of course) does try to say they know how I feel, I'm gonna smack 'em. :stupid:

 

[Kunoichi]

"Why didn't you just do something?"

Oh yea, THAT's helpful? Do what exactly? Kill the guy then go away for murder? Yea, me ending up in jail would just totally cure my PTSD. Let me tell ya...

"Just get over it?"
Get over---WHAT? You moron, if this was getting dumped for a date, then yea maybe. But its not..so maybe its you who needs to get things into a better perspective!

"Why didn't you just leave?"
Hmm...should i say because I was terrified he was going to kill me? Or maybe because I was so disconnected and shut down that I didn't feel and still don't? Or maybe the question is : "why didn't you see something was wrong and help me?" Yea feels the same way, doesn't it??

"Well you can't dwell on. You just have to move on."

What is this? Falling off the horse and getting back up again? give me a break, idiots!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Kunoichi,

Only good thing to be said there is that YOUR answers to the stupid comments can help you to see exactly what you were/are dealing with, the options you DIDN'T have to stop it, its impact on you, and the fact that it wasn't your fault.

But yep, those comments would infuriate me.