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What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

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"Are you SURE thats what really happened?" - sure thats what happened,I'm not a F#*k up for no reason!

"Your blowing things out of proportion" - How the hell would YOU know?

"Maybe its _____ disorder, not what it is"- your obviously a genius-pure genius!

"Nothing like that has ever happened to me" - Lucky you genius, thats why its me with PTSD

"other people have had the same experiences as you, y'know."- And lived? I'd be surprised!"
 
The more I study the most recent research on PTSD, the more apparent it is to me that prolonged traumatic stress caused anatomical and chemical changes in my brain that effect so may biological regulation systems throughout my body that, it is obvious to me that 90% of the PTSD symptoms, (and CFS/FMS symptoms), that I struggle with, cannot be healed by therapy, willpower, or medication alone. Although cognitive behavioral therapy has a worthwhile and proper place in my recovery. I have been struggling against symptoms that I cannot possibly control until these brain, nervous and endocrine systems (etc.), have been properly reinstated to a more natural functioning and therefore, learning to cope with and have my symptoms treated is the best I can hope for until such time as greater medical research and discoveries lead to newer and better treatments of those dys-regulated nuerosystems. I believe that psychological and biological issues must be addressed together and that the public at large needs to be aware of this Psychoneurobiological model if any true understanding of the nature of PTSD and other similair mental illnesses/diseases is to exist. Therefore, I no longer expect those who are not nueroendocrinologists, brain surgeons, scientists, doctors, therapists, or patients to have a good understanding or be able to offer me anything more than the most superficial and sometimes detrimental suggestions as to how to deal with PTSD.
All I can say about the ignorant statements that others make (and to those of you who suffer PTSD and are hurt by such statements), is to educate yourself by learning as much as you can about the recent psychoneuroendocrinlogy and biological psychiatric research on this disorder and pass this information along to others.
 
I am back because I wanted to apologize if my post seemed a bit gruff. I was angry when I wrote this at the people who failed to inform me of all of the major biological implications of this disorder and I didn't mean to project it off at anyone else.

Thanks
Lewie
 
People say inappropriate and harmful things in response to my PTSD quite a bit. I am usually quite understanding that these people are responding out of care and concern. However, they do not have the tools or knowledge about PTSD that I do and have said some really hurtful things. MOST of the time, it doesn't make me mad. However, these two have really bothered me:

"You need to get over it"
"You need to forgive _____ for what happened"
 
3. "You're blowing it out of proportion."
Who gave anyone else the right to determine what is a big deal to ME? If you take a crayon from a kid and the kid cries is it blowing it out of proportion? Huh? Its just a crayon! But at that point in the kid's life its important! Likewise, something that someone else doesn't understand might bother ME a lot!

That is a really good way of explaining it! I like it! :thumbs-up
 
Hi Heather,

The forgiveness one was a really sticky one for me because I often believed it. I would dwell on it and the thought of forgiving some people seemed impossible... almost laughable. I eventually asked my psychologist about it and she said that in order to recover I do not need to forgive anyone for any of my traumas. She explained that after exposure therapy, many people come to a place where they feel like they are ready/want to forgive people involved in their traumas. At the same time, other people choose not to forgive and this does not hinder their recovery. I still haven't chosen one way or the other.

This might be going a little off topic, but I would be curious to know how other people have handled this 'forgiveness' bit.
 
[quote=BlankCanvas;--This might be going a little off topic, but I would be curious to know how other people have handled this 'forgiveness' bit.--

Hi BlankCanvas,

I think that forgiveness is different from what I used to think, and maybe that is because as kids we had to 'recite' forgiveness so it wasn't understood, it was just words and I'm not sure what it really is, but this is what I understand it to mean at this time and that also is just words:

Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments from the ogre's who traumatized us and it unties us from what happened to us, which reduces it's power over us and allows understanding.

It doesn't make it go away, it just loses it's grip. It doesn't deny the person's responsibilty for the hurt and doesn't justify it. Supposedly we can forgive without excusing the act, we don't forget it either.

I think that forgiveness has to come after we've worked through things pretty thoroughly, because making the decision allows us to give 'it' up.

So at this time it seems a bit foreign and I can't relate to it. I can see moments when I can understand why Mum behaved how she did, so maybe there is hope.

I re-read this and realized I had written three times 'I'm not there yet' so apparently I'm not ready to forgive quite yet!
Good question, I think I'm missing the important part and need more input,
Heather
 
Hi Blank Canvas and Heather...I was almost tempted to start a new thread and run with this, but I went in search and have found a couple of threads already that deal with forgiveness, here is one link for starters. Maybe if we read these and then regroup we can perhaps better understand and work some of what is perhaps out there into our own understanding and lives. Although discussion is exactly what I need on so many levels, maybe you guys can get a new thread going...but perhaps try to read first if you havent already.


[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread1484.html[/DLMURL]



And that wasn't meant to sound quite the way it did, sorry about that (toothache etc again) Just thought you might be interested is all, and maybe you already have...sorry if I have this all wrong.

~fin
 
This might be going a little off topic, but I would be curious to know how other people have handled this 'forgiveness' bit.

I've always thought that someone telling me (and it's happened before) that I need to forgive the people who hurt me were not only out of line but were full of it. It didn't happen to them so where do they get off telling me how I need to handle what happened to me? I remember telling my therapist that I had had people tell me that I had to forgive to heal. His words to me still stick in my mind. He told me 'That's bullshit'. Thanks, doc...that's just how I feel!

I know that I will never forgive or forget what happened to me in my life. That's just my way of dealing with this. I've always said that if I forgive someone for something it's with the understanding that they'll try not to do it again. What happened to me happened repeatedly. There was never any accpetance of responsibility on the part of my abusers...so there's no need for me to forgive. I just took those toxic people out of my life.

Lisa
 
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