Childhood What Was Taken Away From You As A Kid?

[Nighteyes]

I like the topic. There, I believe, can’t be a single person who suffered child hood abuse, neglect and molestation that turned out the way “god” intended. The way they were meant to be.
My list would be long, oh so very long.
Main things on my list would be:

Capability to love: I don’t love, I survive each day in a façade of life. I walk up, put the mask on, parade around, pretend nothing is wrong and I’m just a “normal” person. Then its time sleep and the mask comes off and the break downs come, the tears roll and some nights I might actually fall into a nightmare less sleep; most not so lucky. I am incapable of love, for to me love is a myth that doesn’t exist in my world. Not self-love, not physical love nothing.

Ability to belong: I was reminded every day of my child hood, not just by my abusers but my “Mother” of how much I was never wanted how I was everything that was wrong with this world. I was never ever wanted or treated fairly in my “family”. To this day I don’t feel I belong anywhere, I feel this was taken from me the moment I was born, I wasn’t wanted and there for I am not wanted.

Life in general: I have goals and dreams, things that will never be because my life no matter how hard I try is tainted by childhood into adulthood abuse of all kinds. I live in fear every waking and sleeping moment of my life. I live in doubt of everything. I can’t help but believe I would have these things if I was given an opportunity to have a real child hood filled with friends and carefree times. My life is a joke as it is.

I could continue but I won’t. It wasn’t fair that I got so damaged and left to pick myself up and stagger on alone. It wasn’t fair to be born when this is what “life” had to offer.

 

[Bamagirl]

I am not sure of my childhood abuse, I have blocked a lot of out. A big part of me does not want to know but a part of me does. I made my little sis wear tight blue jean shorts under her gown as did I when we had to go to our dad's for his visitation. I told my mom about some things that made me feel uncomfortable but she said we had to because the courts said so, she didn't listen and made us go. She was suppose to protect us and she didn't. I thought I was the only child in our family. The crazy thing is I told her about the kissing and sitting on his lap but she did nothing, and i believe she knew. My little sis told me about 2 years ago that he did it to her but she remembers it all I don't. She told me not to tell our mom but i was drunk and it came out finally my mother believed me! She has yet to say I'm sorry. My older sis he didn't touch don't know why. If I had not of married my little sis would have been safe cause i was her more of a mom than our's was. She had to go for a visit one summer and I lived in the same state as he did, I got a phone call from her and went and picked her up and called child protection services, they said she is not bleeding there is nothing they could do!!!! By that time my mom was on her way to get her he was released of lack of evidence and my dad wanted her back and i refused then my husband at the time said it was none of my concern but I kept her until mom shows up, but nothing ever happened to him except he got cancer and died. I went to his funeral and his family didnt like it but his pastor took me to a room and "your father told me he wished he had done better, and he was sorry." I have found a place in my heart to forgive him, the pain is still here, although learning how to forgive is a good thing. He had demons and he ruined a lot of lives many of his girlfriends children also. I want to forgive my mom though I am still struggling with that,it will come with time. At the present I'm doing the light therapy and I am looking forward to the future, long way to go but so ready. My heart goes out to those who have been done wrong and life that has been stole from you!!!!!! so on that not i am going to get in my garden and pull weeds its like getting rid of the bad and bringing on the NEW LIFE IT BRINGS!!!!!