General What Would You Do?

[Shadowofdoubt]

Hi all. I have been struggling with the "letting go" of someone and find myself in a tough position and would like feedback.

I met S (sufferer) in an online game this past Oct. He "dumped" me for a few weeks the end of Dec, beg of Jan and went off to play a different game. He then brought me back in and introduced me to a couple of his gaming friends. One who runs a teamspeak channel (B). We all played as a group for a bit, enjoying "company" in teamspeak, which was great fun.

Anyhow S found the need to dump me (which is what brought me to this forum), and it really messed up the whole gaming group. S seems to have now settled into playing the game on his own. Another player looks as though he has quit the game and he hasn't been in teamspeak. I have played some with B, but feel guilty. B had defended me a bit when S banned me for no good reason from the channel. B is not aware of S's PTSD as far as I know but does know that I care for S. I think he's trying to be fair and reasonable.

Well, I decided to leave the game and leave teamspeak, one because playing in the same game as S but not being " with him" was painful for me. The other being that, though I like playing with B, I was feeling conflicted, as I wouldn't have met him or be in his channel if it wasn't for S, and I was worried about keeping S away from teamspeak because I was there.

BUT, I am struggling greatly. I miss the game, and I miss my social connection with B, and the social part of the game over-all, and I'm questioning myself. I guess I'm feeling angry and don't want to have to lose everything because of S's need to be away from me. I truly don't think he cares one way or the other as to what I do. I am not a kid, either, though this may sound kind of childish. I am 45, S and B are around 40. I was just curious as to what someone else would choose to do in my position.

 

[nursenurse]

It is an online game and a fantasy. People can be whomever and whatever they choose, which I suppose is the allure . But gaming is not based in reality. I can understand missing aspects of what you gave up, and I don't know the reality of your own personal situation, but from the outside looking in,you need to let go, period. This is not a healthy way to form a relationship, and if you are finding it painful to tear away from 2 dimensional people on a gaming site, perhaps you would need a little counselling yourself. There are really no strings attached in the computer world. You care entirely too much about what two people think and do, when in reality, it is probably just a game to them. Because it is that. A game.

 

[franciemarnie]

Let go. The flow is not going your way with these people.

 

[Justmehere]

I would go back to teamspeak and play the game - and if I could, I would do it without playing the game as S, but as my own player. I would also probably look into finding a new group to connect with - surely there are others out there who play this particular game?

It sounds like you quit partly because you felt bad that S was there and you two were not together anymore, but also because you felt guilty and felt like your leaving would let S come back more comfortably. If you want to go back, go back. The way you feel there about S being there may or may not be what S feels about you being there. Let's say he is avoiding it because you have been there - don't enable S's avoidance of you. It's not good for him or you. If he chooses to be away from you, that's his choice. He can either face things or move on. You are not doing anything wrong be hanging out with B even though you met him through your connection with S. You still have equal right to be there and be involved as much as S does. I can understand why you feel the way you do, and it's very kind and compassionate of you to do what you have done, but it is not necessary.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

I love the varied opinions. :). NurseNurse I understand where you're coming from because that is what I would think if I was on the outside, what makes it become more personal is the voice communication, you get to know the other people a bit more than it being "just a game". It is a social thing, really, that is how I learned of S's PTSD. I'd compare it to hanging out with friends, just long-distance. I have become a bit dependent on it however, so you're not too far off about me needing some counseling.

And justmehere, what you said about enabling his (S) avoidance is interesting.

Thanks for the responses