What's The Point Bettering Yourself If It Just Means More To Regret?

[Icili]

I got a decent career break recently, and it felt pretty good at first, although scary and daunting at the same time. It...

Self compassion and self accepted center are hugely needed here. By your writing you are highly intelligent, but stop beating yourself up. PTSD is a challenging enough package without us letting our inner critic run amok. This can throw us into shame, increase depression, then we are caught up in this endless loop. If I catch myself doing this I just say or think "stop"...everytime. Peter Walker if COMPLEX PTSD applies. I consider him an expert, because if you haven't experienced it, how can you know.
Tread your own path....

 

[Supov]

I don't know what kind of response I wanted. I don't typically post knowing exactly what kind of response I'd like. The...

You will have to "feel" your way to health. As you bright you'll tend to stay in your thinking mind...knowledge is power will only get you so far. FEEL...When a feeling hits, especially grief and self compassionate grief for what you have lost...go with it. If it is going well, it will hit like repetitive waves. It will not be pleasant, but it will set you free. Feelings are normal. They will pass eventually. People with trauma have YEARS of feelings needing to be up leveled, and are past due.

 

[Nejoka]

Yes, my way of explaining this (feeling) is "I’m caught in a trap I built myself and every time I think I'm getting out I just seal up the exit."

 

[Ranikib]

I don't know what kind of response I wanted. I don't typically post knowing exactly what kind of response I'd like. The...

I am not going to tell you to let go of your past...rather embrace it instead. The most important relationship we will ever experience is the one with ourselves. If and when you totally radically accept yourself and love yourself, you will embrace your past with no shame what so ever. Because...because it made you who you ARE. Think about this...then feel it.

 

[Evesu]

"Nouveau riche" is not a phrase normally uttered with awe and respect.

Respect is a two way street. People who say nonsense like this don't deserve your respect. Rich or poor, doesn't matter. People like this are like the kid in the playground who bullies every kid that tries to share the playground. That later starts whining that he has no friends.

if they really behave like a rich person, they're perceived as "putting on" or "faking it,"

Haha how insecure can this kind of people be, if they feel so threatened by someone who is trying to fit in and make friends?
Again, rich or poor. This kind of exclusivity happens in many lower class organisations and groups, not just wealthy circles.

People like this need to take a long walk off a short plank.

Think about this as well, please understand I'm not saying this to be mean.
If you are willing to denigrate yourself to impress this kind of shallow, vacuous, judgemental people You will never earn their respect, ever. If you can't be confident in your ability to be successful on your own merit. You will likely be seen as a brown noser that caught a lucky break and became wealthy. Not a strong intelligent person who worked their ass off and made themselves successful.

Show them why you deserve to be there.

 

[Iri]

Evesu said it well. Its hard to read blanket statements you make about wealthy people as if they are all the same.
but I understand in a way too. I feel this way about women that have children - mothers. I don't have any due to a painful past of abuse and I wanted to have children so badly.
A lot of people with children do not understand the pain of those who wanted them and don't have them. They can say very hurtful things - what would you know, you're not a mother, you don't know what love is until you have s child etc etc
These cruel comments have made me wary and on edge around mothers and in my worst times it felt like they were all the same.
That probably sounds crazy but it's true.
It's not acceptable to feel like this about mothers so I mostly kept it to myself - but my feelings came from being looked down on, misunderstood and excluded.
My fellow non mothers (thd ones who wanted children) were often drinking too much or having angry emotional outbursts so we didn't feel like a great group to belong to.
I make this analogy because although I don't have the same feelings you do about class etc, I also having had whatever experienced you've had that have made you feel that way.
You probably don't feel the way I do about mothers!
Some people abuse their privileges - some wealthy people do, some mothers do. I guess they are the ones you don't want to know.

 

[Ewuko]

Evesu said it well. Its hard to read blanket statements you make about wealthy people as if they are all the same.
but I...

No. Not crazy. At all. I think every child-less woman has experienced judgment from mothers. It's quite prevalent online, too.

 

[kari]

Its hard to read blanket statements you make about wealthy people as if they are all the same.

The vast majority of them seem to be the same in certain regards. Show me a rich person (or even middle or upper-middle class) who hangs out with busboys. I've never seen one in my life.

 

[Odic]

I think it may be something you just need to accept about society, stratification of class. And then say heck with them, why would you want to associate with small minded people who happen to have money?

I'm still puzzled. I'm guessing you made major leaps from the lower class to upper middle class (or higher), right? Otherwise, I think you're blowing this out of proportion.

 

[Ozul]

I don't know how else to phrase this, so here comes some blunt.

The only gatekeeper I'm seeing here, is you Kari. You are your biggest obstacle here. If you feel you need to be a fake person to ingratiate yourself to your target demographic of "acceptable friends". I'm sorry to say, you're likely in for a huge disappointment. Or worse, a repeat of what happened to you at the hands of the "commoners" you used to associate with.

The only people who are going to appreciate someone bending over backwards to impress them, are the kind of people who target doormats. They will use you for as long as it's convenient, then cast you aside like last weeks rubbish, when you outlive your usefulness. This is something I imagine you know common people do just as effectively as the upper class.

This is not coming from some common rabble, jealous of other's money. Nope. Don't care.

I don't care that you have money, or that anyone else has money. I don't care. I have enough to feed, clothe and shelter myself. With a little extra for an emergency, should one come up. That's enough for me.

You want more than that for your life? Great. Want less? Great. It's not my place to judge you.

Here's the thing though.

What you're asking for, sounds alot like:
"I got burned by some peasant folk. How can I dupe some rich people into thinking I'm one of them, so they'll accept me as one of their own?"

Well... you don't. You can't.

I don't doubt your intentions are benign, but it doesn't work that way. Anyone who "accepts" you, is probably going to screw you over later.

I know this isn't what you want to hear. But it's the truth.

 

[KariKari]

This is the OP, Kari.

The only people who are going to appreciate someone bending over backwards to impress them, are the kind of people who target doormats.

I'm not really bending over backwards anymore. It's just a coincidence that I now find myself in a position where I could possibly be accepted by middle or higher class people. Maybe. I'm not even sure it matters to me anymore. And even if I were bending over backwards, I don't know how they would know unless I were stupid enough to make it obvious.

I don't care that you have money, or that anyone else has money. I don't care.

This isn't about money. It's about interests, sensibilities, the things that people like to have conversations about.

I have enough to feed, clothe and shelter myself. With a little extra for an emergency, should one come up. That's enough for me.

Incidentally, that's enough for me too. The work I'm doing is not extravagantly well paid. But it has a kind of cachet that I think resonates with higher class people.

 

[Uvu]

I got a decent career break recently, and it felt pretty good at first, although scary and daunting at the same time. It...

Who is to say that disgusting things I did in the past define who I am? Only my enemies want that to be true. Try not to let yourself be your enemy. I have a bad reputation sure, especially as defined by the little man in my head that makes me want to fail, but my past mistakes does not define who i am. The reason you want to get better is so you can forgive yourself for your past mistakes. Then you can live in today, and be ok with who you are, "you are the hero of your own life story."