When A Therapist Is Shocked By You...

[Rumors]

@desiderata310
Great post.

 

[fly away home]

My T had an 'ethical and professional crisis' her words, when I told her my story. It didn't help to hear this and I don't know why she felt the need to tell me how challenged she was. Have a crisis, fine, but why did she have to come back next week to tell me how badly I affected her weekend. How much confusion she suffered and how she had to contact her legal team etc.

I've had to accepted she is human and makes mistakes. It certainly had me feeling like the worst person on earth for quite some time and perhaps that's what she wanted to do. Who knows.

We have not gone into that trauma since then and I think I am too scared to bring it up and perhaps so is she?

Stale mate.

 

[fyredrift23]

@fly away home I'm sorry she broke that professional barrier with you (and made you feel like :poop: in the process)
Shouldn't have happened. Really. If it keeps bothering you, though, you may want to try to bring it up at a pace that works for you :)

I haven't had any negative shock/surprise experiences with my T, but he has teared up, choked up, and a few times made that trembling/shuddering sound that happens when you try to inhale while really upset.

Sometimes, I think (myself) that I'm one of the worst he's ever seen or something like that. What helps me get out of this skewed thinking is remembering and actively learning more about the world. People have gone through some truly hellish things. I imagine one of them speaking to a professional and, suddenly, I don't feel so bad anymore.

I agree with above regarding comparisons and their irrelevance and inherent inaccuracy, and I also disagree with "ranking" people's personal life experiences. However, what I'm getting at is if you start to feel even worse about your situation, for whatever reason, keeping other people's experiences and challenges in mind can really help ground you and gain a more balanced, objective perspective on yourself. :)

 

[xena21]

I think I was so affected in a negative way by the words of the Dr because I hadn't had any trauma therapy before and she was the head Trauma Dr for the hospital. She ran the program and had done so for a couple decades. The hospital is also the number one psychiatric hospital in the country. All that in my mind made me feel like a pariah and a freak. She was so frustrated with me, because she supposedly couldn't get through to me, and I spent weeks there.

Since then I haven't been able to trust any therapists. Supposedly she is the best in her field and she can't help me? I feel like I can't be helped, and every time I take a small step forward I fall again on my face, then remember what the Dr thought and I have absolutely no confidence to get better.

 

[fyredrift23]

I think I was so affected in a negative way by the words of the Dr because I hadn't had any trauma therapy before and she was the head Trauma Dr for the hospital. She ran the program and had done so for a couple decades. The hospital is also the number one psychiatric hospital in the country. All that in my mind made me feel like a pariah and a freak. She was so frustrated with me, because she supposedly couldn't get through to me, and I spent weeks there.

Since then I haven't been able to trust any therapists. Supposedly she is the best in her field and she can't help me? I feel like I can't be helped, and every time I take a small step forward I fall again on my face, then remember what the Dr thought and I have absolutely no confidence to get better.

Aww man, so bogus, so unfair of this Dr (I absolutely refuse to say "professional"). It's all a matter of personal opinion, remember that. Just because she's supposed to be a bigshot know-it-all "expert" in her field, it does not mean that she's had a ton of varied experiences with different patients/clients.

Think about it like this: Are sports professionals really the best in the country or the friggin world? Of course not, it's just a title signifying people who are strong athletes who were recognized by someone and scouted. They haven't played every single great athlete in their sport in their country, let alone in our world.

Truly, the same goes for any other sort of supposed expert in a field, doctors included. You are not a hopeless case, you can get better, and please don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise, you hear? Or else I might have to slug em, and no one wants that :blackeye:

 

[xena21]

Thanks fyredrift23. I think the Dr was full of herself because she worked at this renown institution. She intimidated people, and intimidated me. I finally did find one Psychiatrist that I am seeing in a different institution (outpatient), who has not had that attitude like she did. I am trying to feel myself through the process, but it is so hard. I feel like I'm going through molasses. They want me to trust them and talk, but I feel like I am revealing too much every time I open my mouth. It's so hard to even think about saying anything more now.

 

[xena21]

Have a crisis, fine, but why did she have to come back next week to tell me how badly I affected her weekend.

That doesn't sound right or professional to me at all, yet I am so far back in the pecking order of the Psychiatric world. I don't understand why she needs to tell you anything at all about how you affected her. That should not happen! It makes me angry to think she put that on you when you are dealing with all your own stuff. She has to deal with her issues, whatever comes up, in her own way. I mean unless you two were best friends or buddies that doesn't seem to make sense.

He also said that he felt that I was likely to heal quite well because I was obviously resilient. *shrug*

I can relate exactly to this post! My new therapist has said this to me, and I couldn't understand. She is the new one I just got, that I am still trying to feel out, and so far I like her as much as I like anyone new. She brought out that "resilience" comment exactly as you have stated and it was over my head. She said I could have given in before I had my jobs, when I was a teenager or kid, but I didn't give in. The thing that I don't get is I'm so messed up now, that I don't see resilience as making much of a difference if you can't even get out of your own way anymore. If you were once resilient that's great, but if you are a mess now, how is that anything?