When A Therapist Is Shocked By You...

[xena21]

I am wondering if it's worse for you to hear the surprise in a therapist's voice when you tell your story? Does it change the way your therapist - client relationship goes? What happens when they say things like you are the worst case I have heard? Does that make it easier to talk to them and be honest or harder?

I think it has been a roadblock for me. I was hospitalized and the therapist there kept saying how traumatized I was and it was the worst case she had ever seen. It made me think I could never get better. She worked with me for a long time, yet I had those words in the back of my head. I assumed I was not able to be helped, that I was out of the realm of being assisted by anyone.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

 

[FindingMyself88]

That was very unprofessional of her to say that. I haven't had a therapist say that, but I've had a therapist tell me I wasn't going to be able to heal when I moved back in with my parents and make me to feel like it was hopeless. I ended up attempting suicide after a group session with her one day and got hospitalized. I never went back to see her.

No one is beyond help if they want help, but they have to want it and fight for it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have had my therapist show a bit of emotion, while a bit embarrassing he is only human.

Your therapists comment; not appropriate.

 

[Notsowild]

Yes I had the same thing happen to me in group therapy. The counsellor said mine was the most horrific case she had ever heard. Here I just wanted to fit in somewhere and she made me feel like some alien. Never did group therapy again

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Ayesha. Not appropriate at all. I hope you will be able to tell your therapist how you feel about that comment. So sad that it happened to you.

You were baring your soul and your therapist was very insensitive and forgot her place. I woulde more cautious with her until you get this matter resolved to your satisfaction. Hugs.

 

[xena21]

Thank you for the replies. I didn't think it was that appropriate for them to tell me, but being in the hospital I didn't know what was accurate. I appreciate your analysis and I sympathize with your journeys as well.

 

[scout86]

It could be that the comment said more about HER than it did about you. Maybe she actually hadn't seen that much. Not a useful thing to say to you, no matter what. In fact, just SAYING it suggests she may have been lacking in experience.

Now "surprise" is something else. You can be surprised in a lot of ways and finding something "surprising" doesn't necessarily render a judgement on good or bad. I think I've surprised my T a couple of times. Not in a "good or bad" way, more in a "where did THAT come from?" way. I think that's to be expected, unless your T is someone who totally masks their thoughts and emotions. I'd let "surprise" go as being human, unless they went from there to making a big deal about "worst ever". It has to be THEM going on about "worst ever" though, not you. If YOU do it, it's probably "projecting" don't you think?

 

[StarChild]

Hi @xena21, I once had a female therapist who burst out in tears, when I told her of my childhood. And I really mean it; She was sobbing and crying so hard, that she couldn't speak for minutes. And she literally threw her hands up in horror. It was so embarrassing! But the worst was yet to come; Although she knew I never wanted to have kids, she started to try to convince me, that I now as soon as possible should have a baby, to "get back" (not give back!) all the love, I didn't receive in my childhood.

And even though I disagreed and got quite a bit angry, she picked a book from her bookshelf and tried to put it into my bag. Still crying and desperately begging me to read it. The book was called: The Social Life Of Chimpanzees. I ran out the door and fled from her office. And guess what? A few days later I received a package, containing that book. You can imagine, that I never went back to her. But I was very alienated that my childhood was obviously that terrible, that a professional was so horrified about it.

Although I made the experience that (where I live) almost every idiot can call themselves psychologist or therapist and do more harm than good... All I can say is, please don't give up looking for a good therapist who'll meet your needs. There will be one.

 

[Candleflames]

I've had a variety of emotional or shock and awe responses from different therapists. They've ranged from proud tears to gasps and looks of horror. In a weird way I find them validating, and yes, all of them, even the inappropriate ones. What really bothers me is when the therapists has the audacity to then lie about or cover up their reactions. I'm more appreciative of honest yet inappropriate than I am of a polite cya (cover your ass).

I was having a phone conversation with one very well respected specialist I was hoping to get in when he did several gasps over 20 mins. Then he made a long sucking air between teeth sound and told me his practice was full but didn't make any suggestions as to who I could contact. Others I contacted during the same time period had told me strait away that my case was to complex or that they felt the did not have the training necessary to help me. The latter I can respect, the former, not so much. those whose practice was full stated so in their outgoing message.

It's hard to not take it personally but really the way people react to us says way more about them then us. She said your case was the worst she has ever seen, that may mean she hasn't seen much. It could also mean that you have survived a great amount of pain. She may have been in awe of your strength and really poor at expressing it.

Either way you are not beyond help, none of us are. There are a lot of people out there who aren't very good at what they do at times. You found one. That's really all.

 

[ghotiff]

I've written this before ...

I can not stand comparisons. I don't see how they could possibly help. You are either the "worst" (not helpful), or for me I'm NOT the "worst", also not helpful (minimizing).

I still hold onto @Solara comment. If only the worst was deserving of help, it would mean only one of us was.

Back to you....you are an individual and can not be compared. There are too many factors involved and so attempting to"rank" someone's trauma or symptoms is ridiculous and should never be done.

You can get better because you want to, and are putting the effort in.

Hope that helps.

 

[macbeth]

I had a very similar experience to @[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/notsowild.22986/"]Notsowild[/DLMURL], I too was in a support group where I was told I was the most abused person the councillor had ever met. She also told me that when I first came to the group I looked like I'd just stepped out of a concentration camp. It had the opposite effect on me though. I actually felt like my experiences were validated. That someone other than me could see the impact of the abuse I went through. I wasn't crazy.

 

[desiderata310]

My therapist has said that he is amazed that I am functional, that it's a wonder that I am not on drugs or a prostitue or dead. Doesn't really make me feel great. He was, at that time,trying to get me to see my accomplishments and to get me to quit being so hard in myself.

He also said that he felt that I was likely to heal quite well because I was obviously resilient. *shrug*

I've heard mine suck air between his teeth, gasp, heard him get angry about things that happened to me.

They are human and we are sensitive to others perceptions. It's a blessing and a curse. I would be more worried if they didn't respond with some sort of anger/shock/ whatever. People shouldn't go through things that change them like we have been changed.

Is it validating? Sort of. I don't know. I have also had my therapist tell me he as 'honored' I would let him accompany me on this 'journey'. That one felt weird. Embarrassing. Confusing.