When I Came To This Site....

[shimmerz]

Man, did I have a rocky road. I am posting this in accomplishments because I feel like it is just that.

I look at my postings and realize there is a mirror image of my 'social' issues reflected in them. As I have worked on the issues *new levels of awareness*, my postings have changed. Thanks all for helping me to see. Some of the lessons were tough but I thank you for them.

1. I felt I had to defend myself
*Now I realize that I am allowed to be who I am and not defend my position*
2. I was super sensitive
*Now I forgive myself for mistakes if I make them and I shake off what (imho) doesn't apply*
3, I took others posts and brought it back to my situation
*This affected me on so many levels*
4. I protected others when it was their battle to fight if they chose to
*This, for me was a core issue. I needed to see this so I didn't distract myself with other's issues*
5. Oh the rambling posts - thanks for your patience
*Now I feel like I can zero in and focus*
6. Opinions are just that - not a frontal attack
*This helped me see triggers too and allowed me to mull them over*

I thank everyone for their patience, their kindnesses, an environment to be somewhere where I can relate and be related to and a place where I can learn with the 'best of them'.

Shimmerz

 

[J_trustno1]

Wow, well done for making such a huge accomplishment. I would to reach this level of awareness but I'm stuck and holding on to things. Letting go is one of the biggest challenges but you've done a brilliant job so congrats :)

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

That is fantastic Shimmerz! Congrats on your progress! (I think I will go check out my old posts now... :p)

:hug:

 

[Nam]

I was surprised at my old posts too. My self confidence and perception was all screwed. It's hard to see the big picture when all you can see is a few feet ahead. But we have this great forum to see just how far we've come. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Firstly a Massive Laurie:hug:. I too feel that I have come a long way since I joined this forum.

When I came here I was severely depressed and suicidal.
* Now I am actually looking forward to getting up the next day.
* NO suicidal thoughts any more, the odd self harm thought but to the point no SI either.

I came here with a massively negative outlook on life
* Now I am positive about my future and am setting plans in motion to make them happen

So on so forth really.

Thank you for sharing this accomplishment with us @shimmerz

Laurie :)

 

[scout86]

Watching how that works is one of the coolest things about this site and it's something that gives me hope.

@shimmerz , I'd like to thank YOU for your contributions. You've brought up some good and useful topics. At least I've found many of them useful. And you're willing to stand your ground and keep thrashing through things until you feel you've made yourself understood, all the while paying attention to the opposing views. It's tempting to pack up your marbles and go home in that kind of situation, ESPECIALLY when you feel the need to defend yourself. The fact that you've had the courage (or stubbornness) to hang in there has contributed to your learning, I suppose, but it's also contributed to the same for the rest of us AND it's demonstrated how "discussions" can be had, and done, and used, without being mean.

You rock shimmerz!!

 

[Nam]

Well said @scout86 !

 

[shimmerz]

My apologies @scout86 . I was having a bit of a pancreatic issue yesterday when I saw this and still am this morning. I am going to address this so very heart warming post when I can think clearly. Right now I am a doubled over mess who isn't thinking very clearly.

 

[Tanishq]

Congratulations Shimmerz. I do notice you are working on your healing and day by day you are improving, learning new things so you can live peacefully. I believe you will have peaceful and love filled life which you deserve by default. Please carry on and your presence is inspiring to us and me. :tup: :)

 

[scout86]

@shimmerz , take care of yourself, including that problematic pancreas! (I used to know a dog who got pancreatitis every time he got table scraps. He had to eat only high quality dog food......) Just get yourself better!!!

 

[shimmerz]

Ahhhh.... to be able to stand upright again. Looks like pancreas is a little happier at me now.

or stubbornness

I am going to put this down to my 100% German-ness. This has not always served me well in this lifetime. I thank you for mentioning that it may not be such a bad quality at times. :(

has contributed to your learning

Yes, you all have. My appreciation cup is so full right now.

how "discussions" can be had, and done, and used, without being mean.

Wow! Thank you so very much @scout86 . I remember a particular posting (you might remember it) that seemed to go on ad infinitum. I remember you as being patient, compassionate, yet standing by your ideas and really chipping away to try to understand my scared self who was trying to work through something huge. No attacks, just plain caring. I am going to have to call this a mutual admiration society. Truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind words, in this post and in others. It hasn't gone unnoticed. :hug:

Firstly a Massive Laurie:hug:

And right back at you @Santa_Laurie :hug:

When I came here I was severely depressed and suicidal.
* Now I am actually looking forward to getting up the next day.
* NO suicidal thoughts any more, the odd self harm thought but to the point no SI either.

Wow! How does one even measure the value of such a shift! This is the hugest gift EVER! I am so very happy for you! You are such an incredibly positive influence on this board - don't think I haven't noticed! Your loving attitude is infectious. Have you noticed that about yourself Santa? I have. More hugs happen here. And perhaps @Anarchy could join in the fun too! (sorry Anarchy, just always trying to find a venue so you can practice!) Hugs to you both :hug: :hug:

when all you can see is a few feet ahead

Truer words could not be spoken.

My self confidence and perception was all screwed.

So agree with this one. This is a great way to be able to screw up, mull over the responses to our screw ups and try again. Doesn't often happen like this in real life.

I think I will go check out my old posts now... :p)

What did you find @Radise ? Thanks so much for the warm congrats.

Letting go is one of the biggest challenges

Forgiveness. Taking back ones 'human-ness' which I let go of somewhere along the line. Realizing that I can make mistakes without the dire consequences that used to come with them. I bet if you look back on your posts you have learned more than you think!

 

[shimmerz]

so you can live peacefully

OMG @Tanishq somehow I missed you! Peaceful! Yes, peaceful. In a world that is so chaotic, this is so what I yearn for. I think most of us do. Here's to peace for all of us!