Relationship When Isolation Ends And Things Don't Fet Better

[Lmm]

So about a month ago now my fiancé and started speaking again after a period of six or seven weeks of isolation. He said he wanted to do couples counseling and we went last week(at a vet center) and she recommended he come back alone the following week. The whole thing was basically her trying to convince him he's living with PTSD and him being very stubborn so totally understand that. But he has gotten so nit picky with me that I am at my breaking point. I can't live like this much longer and am so close to just calling it quits. Is it normal for things to change or get worse after an isolation period? Any insights?

 

[Sighs]

Therapy often makes things worse before they get better. Working through things is hard.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, therapy usually makes things worse before they get better. I think that processing always makes things worse (because processing deals with talking about the trauma itself and brings up a lot of things.) However, that doesn't mean that you have to stick it out no matter what. Its important to set boundaries with him so that he knows what is and what is not acceptable behavior. (Setting boundaries is one of the hardest but also one of the most beneficial things when dealing with a sufferer.)

 

[Lmm]

He's seriously tearing me down, everything I do is wrong and I can't win. If things don't get better quickly I need to leave. This is not the person I've known the past three years, either that or he's showing his true colors now. So frustrated and angry. Thanks for the feedback; I hope things do start to turn around. : )

 

[Friday]

Sounds like he came off isolation too soon. That's a big part of why a lot of us isolate... So that we don't hurt the ones we love. Don't destroy the relationship. We might lose them by being gone. Will lose them by being around when we're 12 kinds of pissed off.

 

[Lmm]

Hmmm that's interesting @FridayJones. He did very abruptly come out of it. Something I said in response to everything he was doing got to him emotionally and he basically "snapped out of it" one day. So will not isolating potentially stop him or slow him from getting better?

 

[Friday]

Isolation is a tool. There are a lot of reasons why we isolate. Some healthy, some not. The most basic, is that we isolate when we're overwhelmed. Coming off too soon? Can be as detrimental, as not taking a break when we need to, or staying on too long. How long or how frequent any of those are? Shrug. Hours to months. Whether they're part of our managing our stress or part of our symptoms run riot? No real rule of thumb, there.

Don'tcha just love no-answer answers? :meh: :facepalm::wtf:

 

[Lmm]

Thanks for the insights @FridayJones. Answer or no answer that put lots of new thoughts/answers in my head.