Death When My Brother Died

[anthony]

Whilst now 41, my brother died when I was 17. Still to this day I wonder what it would have been like to have had him around. How much different would my life have been? So many questions, no actual answers. EVER!

I remember getting a phone call from my brother whilst attending college for my apprenticeship, and thus that was the news. I drove home... pretty fast and haphazardly to say the least. Everyone was in tears and I just didn't have it in me to cry. I was still trying to come to terms with it all... so instead it turned to anger and I went and got drunk by myself to soothe it and pass out, with any luck.

I cried just after the funeral, finally... and I have only ever cried once since that day. As I said, I still think about him often, wonder whether there is an afterlife, and if so... has he been guiding me since. Not a very religious person, though I don't discount the unknown either. There is simply too much evidence of spirits and such to discard the afterlife being a possibility. Whether that means there is a God and any such thing... well, that has no real foundation for fact at this time. We all believe in our different things... so I leave it at that.

I have believed since he died that he is watching over me, teaching me lessons still that I have been growing from during my life as a result.

It was a long time ago and not something that gives me negative emotion that hinders my life... but more... some days I just miss him being a part of life here with the rest of us.

 

[sisu]

Just curious...how old was your brother when he died?

I also believe those that were close to us in life remain with us spiritually after they die. One night I was sound asleep and I was awoken by the smell of Chanel No.5. This is the perfume my Grandma always wore. I don't own it and haven't smelled it for years ~ I actually can't stand that perfume. But that perfume smell woke me up. It was so strong. It lingered for a couple minutes and during that time I felt a lot of peace. Then the smell was suddenly gone. I think my Grandma was letting me know that she is here with me that night.

Cool stuff.

 

[anthony]

30 from memory... he was 12 years older than me, closer to 13 years in actuality.

 

[Candleflames]

I know it's been a while but I am sorry for your loss then and the missing you still feel now. It's been 5 years since my brother died and the emotions are still pretty raw. I'm working on getting to that place of missing him, like you describe, instead of the continued rage. Do you know how long it took for you to get to that place?

I have believed since he died that he is watching over me, teaching me lessons still that I have been growing from during my life as a result.

I wonder about this. If they can see us and experience things with us. I hope that what remains when someone dies experiences things in a way unimaginable to me. There are things that I wouldn't have ever told my brother when he was alive, especially about his mom. I wonder if he sees more now, sees the family's pain and it's causes, and how that would have changed his views of me, of our siblings and our parents.

 

[anthony]

No idea how long... I guess I just grew out of it with time. Time puts distance between you and an event, and I am the kind of person who doesn't like to drag my history along with me unless I specifically want its memory, good or bad. I keep some bad intentionally just to remind myself not to make the same mistakes and such, and good memories are those I enjoyed, even though they may have had different outcomes... if they help me grow positively today, or continue to do something good, then they're handy to store in the memory bank.

I have good memories of my brother and me still to this day... but I let go of the death and accept that death is part of life. You have to accept death, because everyone is going to die. I think the sooner a person can do that, the sooner they will move forward without anger and such of a persons death.

 

[Candleflames]

I used to think that with time I'd be able to let go but that doesn't seam to be happening on it own. Now I am starting to believe that it has more to do with what we do with that time that helps us move on. I haven't had much support and so I haven't really done anything to grieve for myself and what I lost when he died. I'm starting to talk about it in hopes that I will be able to let go of my anger.

There has been other deaths that have effected me and I moved through that process. This one carries so much more weight for me.