I understand what you mean. My issues involve isolation and abandonment and for me, it was as if my mind always reacted with a “Yes, but” sort of defense. Like a denial that anyone could feel that way about me and mean it, not really, even if I acknowledged that they think they might feel that was right this second, I “knew” they would eventually disappear from my life so their feelings never seemed really real. The immediate recognition that it was just a passing thing kept it from sinking in, so it registered as a negative instead of being an accepting and supportive experience in the here and now.
What has helped me was therapists who focus on enlarging my capacity, first. My T kept the niceness to levels that I could manage while we worked on my autonomic nervous system using body based therapies instead of talking. Once my internal capacity grew a bit, I have noticed that while the disbelief is still there sometimes, the “yes, but” is gone, and I can allow a tiny bit of the good feeling in before I have to re-orient to the present. Then a few hours later I think about a little bit then re-orient a bit. Drop by drop it seems to be sinking in at least a little before it rolls off. My T is still very careful about niceness though because it’s still unfamiliar territory for me. Maybe make sure yours knows that you are easily overwhelmed and need them to parcel it out much more slowly.
What has helped me was therapists who focus on enlarging my capacity, first. My T kept the niceness to levels that I could manage while we worked on my autonomic nervous system using body based therapies instead of talking. Once my internal capacity grew a bit, I have noticed that while the disbelief is still there sometimes, the “yes, but” is gone, and I can allow a tiny bit of the good feeling in before I have to re-orient to the present. Then a few hours later I think about a little bit then re-orient a bit. Drop by drop it seems to be sinking in at least a little before it rolls off. My T is still very careful about niceness though because it’s still unfamiliar territory for me. Maybe make sure yours knows that you are easily overwhelmed and need them to parcel it out much more slowly.
