When someone tells you, you're wrong, but you're not...?

[Changing4Best]

Oh, I wasn't wanting to be liked by him. I don't want his low opinion of me, that he spews out quite regularly, to color others' opinions of me who I care about, who I like and love. @Tornadic Thoughts

 

[Changing4Best]

I think you'll get better feedback if instead of going after each problem you start a thread that...

I guess maybe it is time to ask my Therapist if we can work on controlling thoughts and emotions. I don't know that we really have worked on that exactly before. We have worked on my worrying about the future and stuff like that. However, this is different.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@SheilaKathy this happens in life, and it is not fair and it sucks and it hurts. The best thing you can do is try to let go of this because it is too big for you. Try praying the Serenity Prayer to help in letting go of this. You will have to make the choice between your sanity and well being or going completely crazy over this sad situation.

You can hang onto to sure, but how is it making you feel on the inside. I think going to an Al Anon group would really give you the support you are looking for when and if you get so exhausted over this situation that you really want to become free of it. A really good book to read, it is for me, is co dependent no more by Melody Beattie and it is a really good book to address some of what you are experiencing. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but it is your peace and sanity that is being so upset over this, something you are going to have to let go of and ignore the guy. If you would allow things to unfold naturally, a solution might just show up. I am really worried about you right now. Learn what it means to let go of the control please.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I used to work in the hospital as an RN. Then I was charge nurse, then RN case manager. There was alway a doctor, surgeon, cardiologist, nurse or someone who was inappropriate towards me or others, such as one surgeon who said sexual things during surgery when I was stuck there. At work, you don't get to chose who will be there. I thought I was going to work in a utopia of caring individuals who wanted to help the sick, but no, there were many judgemental, nasty, inappropriate people there. You learn to work around it. I would report some, but I wouldn't report a surgeon who was trying to get my goat, since that would prove that he bothered me. When I went home from work, and got into my home, I would do my meditations, and let the day go. I have seen horrible things, that if I wasn't able to let them go, I would be sicker than I am. I hope you can work on this through therapy and prayer, as that is your way. You can pray for him, and you and for letting go. Just my opinion, ignore what doesn't resound with you.

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy this happens in life, and it is not fair and it sucks and it hurts. The b...

I don't have a vehicle, so getting to meetings would be very hard. I do go to Overeaters Anonymous meetings though, which is similar. I have one at my church (which I have a ride arranged for) and also I go to them online. I have the BIG BOOK of AA and I have some other 12 Step books too. Lately I have been overwhelmed with other "stuff" in my life and have not attended as many meetings as I should have. I am actually on Step 12 right now. I do have a Sponsor too. I'm working on it.... I guess one of the things that gets to me the most is that I see this person (and hear his taunts) daily. It is so hard to get away from it, since I work there. He rides and bus and waits for the bus with me too, so I cannot escape to anywhere at all throughout the whole time. I feel trapped.

I don't see codependency as an issue here, from what I know of codependency though. He is not an alcoholic or an addict or anything. He is just a nasty person, that's all. I know I can't change him. I was hoping my boss's boss would give him a good talking to, but that has not occurred, to my knowledge.

 

[Changing4Best]

I used to work in the hospital as an RN. Then I was charge nurse, then RN case manager. There was al...

Actually, I have been praying for him and have others praying for him too, for health, well being, blessings, happiness and success, among other good things.

Actually, the folks I work for and with are pretty nice people and I am grateful for that. This one person, though, can ruin my day sometimes, and I wish I could just not think about it, or be concerned about it, but it just stirs up all kinds of junk from my past, traumas and all.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

My bad for misunderstanding what it is you really want, @SheilaKathy . I guess I was confused by you being so upset when he wouldn't respond to your communicative attempts of wishing him a special day of some sort a while back after seeing it on your calendar, if I remember correctly. It seemed contradictory to your earlier rants of wanting nothing else to do with him. But that's just how my brain works. We're all wired very similarly as humans, but also quite differently in every other aspect. Rock on with whatever it takes to meet your own needs so you can put to rest what doesn't jive with your groove.

 

[Deleted member 541]

It's obvious that you are totally obsessed with wanting this to stop. You've posted many threads about his treatment of you, his lack of respect, his teasing, his talking about you.... I really think that you are missing the bigger picture here.... You CAN'T stop him, you can't change him, and you can not control what he says, does or thinks. The only thing you can change is how you REACT!!!!! You are extremely reactive to this person and about him. He KNOWS this and is using it to the best of his ability to piss you off even more. He's made a game of it, and you're playing right along with it, by being so reactive. Whether with words, body language, talking to your boss about it or with other people, he knows he's getting to you.

When I decided to not give a shit what others thought about me, I also developed the thought that it isn't my business what anyone thinks about me either. I strongly suggest that you find a way to stop caring what he says or thinks or quit your job and stay totally away. And praying for someone isn't going to work either.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not feel seen or heard from you so I am letting go of this and trusting that you will eventually find the solutions you seek. I wish you the best.

 

[Changing4Best]

I do not feel seen or heard from you so I am letting go of this and trusting that you will eventually find...

I just wrote you a long reply, how can you not feel I have seen or heard you?

 

[Changing4Best]

My bad for misunderstanding what it is you really want, @SheilaKathy . I...

I guess I was just trying a different tactic that day.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was hoping my boss's boss would give him a good talking to, but that has not occurred, to my knowledge.

You say that codependence is not a problem for you but look at this quote please. I tried to give you some information that addressed the problem of needing someone else to solve this issue for you. It is human to desire for other humans to rescue you so you are not a bad person for wanting this.

I do not feel seen or heard because of the long reply of excuses you gave me. You seem to be very defensive and self protective and this is so understandable. I fear you will not hear me now. I am afraid that I am just wasting my breath trying to reach you. I know that this is not what you want to hear, but it is a big part of the codependency playing out in your life because so many people have most carefully told you to ignore this man and not give him any more fuel to go against you in his mind games. It does not mean that codependency is just about being attached to a addict or a alcoholic in your life. You repeatedly tell that you feel trapped like there is no escape from this person and that may be true.

I am not going to say anymore, I am detaching from this and I do wish you well. I am just as capable of obsessing about a person or a situation as you. I do understand where you are coming from. But like you the day did come when I began to realize that no one was going to rescue or help me and that I had to help myself to get better.

I see you as drowning in this and I just tried to throw you a life preserver.