When someone tells you, you're wrong, but you're not...?

[Changing4Best]

The man came up behind me when I was sitting, so I did not see him coming. He put his hands on my shoulder and said something to me, which I didn't hear, then called me "Honey." That last was very sarcastic. I raised my voice and said "Don't put your hands on me and don't call me honey!" Loud enough for the whole room to hear me. He backed off quickly and said, "Yes ma'am." My 90 year old friend gave me the thumbs up, and I said, "Thank you, G....". (Acknowledging that he was sticking up for me).

I am not sure what the next question refers to.

Next Q. When he accuses me of not doing my job properly, I feel as if I am letting my client down, even tho what he is accusing me of has nothing to do with my client! LOL... that seems absurd now, but that was how I felt, I guess.

I try not to speak to him. I made one attempt to say something nice to him, but he sat there like a stone statue and ignored me. It was about something that meant a lot to him, and I was trying to show him that I cared, thinking maybe we could end this difference between us. No go. He just escalated his snide remarks after I did that.

There is a lot I am forgetting. My memory is going and it is late. Past my bedtime, but I am feeling upset tonight and at the same time all excited about the total eclipse we will see here tomorrow. I've been through a lot of stress on many fronts of late, and it has all caught up with me this weekend! What is that old saying? "When it rains, it pours." Well, I have gotten it in buckets this weekend.

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy this happens in life, and it is not fair and it sucks and it hurts. The b...

Well, unfortunately the Library does not have the book. I get my next money on the 1st, so I can go try to find it on Amazon then. In fact, later this week, if I can find it there, I might be able to read a pre-view of it, like maybe the first chapter. Sometimes Amazon lets you do that with a book you find there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sorry about that. I hope that they let you read the first chapter. It is full of so many helpful things to help me to figure out where my head is at. I hope that you have a good day.

 

[scout86]

There are a number of sites that sell used books. That's where I usually buy books, if I'm going to, because it's usually WAY cheaper. Also, I don't know about your library, but the one here will get you books they don't have, from other libraries.

 

[Changing4Best]

Great idea, I forgot about that. Yesterday was TOTALITY DAY here in my town, so the Library was swamped. Today, hopefully when I call again, they will be able to try to borrow it from some other library. They did not look into that option yesterday. They will charge me the shipping charges, if it is from some other district, but that should be less expensive than buying it plus shipping from Amazon. I'm pretty sure I will be able to get it that way for next to nothing. I do have cash savings, so I can use them. They are for just this kind of thing! (It is my bank account that I cannot take from at this time).

 

[Changing4Best]

YAY! The Library does have the book!!! I checked it out, of course. I think they were so swamped with eclipse tourists and and more than the usual number of locals yesterday when I called, that they missed the fact that they do have this book somehow. I did not spell the author's last name for them either, so if she misspelled it, as it is an unusual spelling (I think) then maybe that was the problem. Anyway, I have the book in hand and will start reading it very soon. THANKS SO MUCH FOR SUGGESTING IT!

About his telling me to do things that are not my job, it was just as easy to do one of those things today anyway, so I did so, rather than hear him complain or say anything nasty. It just took me a few seconds to do that thing, so I did it. Best is just to keep the peace, if and when I can, if it does not harm my client in any way, which it did not. He didn't thank me, or say anything nasty either, he just accepted what I did for him without comment. I could deal with that much better than the snide comment he made last Friday. So I am relieved.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so happy for you today. Now I hope that you can start to learn about this thing called co dependence so that your poor mind can relax somewhat and start to be able to sort through your situation and have some real peace of mind. Good luck.:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

I added something to that last note of mine, so read that too. Goodness, but things happen so fast here sometimes.

 

[Changing4Best]

OK, so I got up to the one sentence definition of it, which in my own words is:

Codependency is being affected by someone else's actions or inactions endlessly and then trying desperately to control that person's behavior.

And yeh, that kind of does ring a bell with me and this whole situation.

 

[Changing4Best]

There are assignments to do in this book! I did the first one and came upon something HUGE from my past that directly affects my present. I was taught NEVER to "talk back" to anyone. In other words, it was OK for someone to tease or pick on ME, but not OK for me to do that to anyone else. My father picked on and teased me. All the time. I was not allowed to say anything back to that, I was just taught to "take it." So I "took it" and "took it." All my life I have "taken it." I have nothing in me to tease back at someone with. I don't know how! Bullies can pick on me all day and night. I just bow my head, probably clench my jaw or some other thing, like shake my leg up and down while I am sitting, like my mother did when she got stressed.

In desperation once, after having been picked on all year long during 6th grade by all the boys in my class, I beat a kid up. (I've mentioned this in another thread). However, that kid ended up in the Hospital. So that was no solution! I was lucky I didn't get into super trouble for that, because I sure could have. And, of course, I feel bad for the kid. I may not have mentioned that. But I went back to him years later and apologized.

Anyway, the book asked me how I FEEL about all this. AWFUL. HELPLESS. INEPT. BEAT. Like I don't know how to fight back. In a way, that was so deleted from my options, that I cannot even think of a way in which to fight back. I have no clue how to do anything but just "take it."

The ONE time I did tease someone, a little girl, I lost something very dear to me. It was a town that we kids had built out of bricks and mud and we had little houses and a lake and toy boats and trucks, dolls that road in them and it was a really neat place. Our little playground that we had set up for hours of FUN for the whole summer. Or so we thought. She and her little friend destroyed it. So teasing, was not an option after that, ever again. It was written OUT of my future from that moment on. I was maybe 6 when that happened, or 8 maybe? I don't think I have EVER teased anyone since then. And it is not something I am about to start doing these days either, even though it was (in a roundabout way) suggested to me by my boss today as something that is acceptable in response to the bully teasing someone else who works where I work. My boss kind of commended that girl for teasing him back.

So I did the 1st assignment. However, I don't think doing this assignment is going to change anything. Maybe the next assignment might help me though. If there is one.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm doing the next exercise. The one with all the questions about how I am a codependent. It reminded me that I need to say one thing. I do have a boyfriend. We love one another. We are not super close or anything and I have NOT asked him to help me with this person who picks on me, in fact he offered, but I asked him not to. Yes, of course, I have mentioned it to him briefly, but he does not know who the person is. I thought it important to mention that I do have love in my life. I have now for quite some time. He is a recovering alcoholic, long past now, but I guess worth mentioning. He has never mentioned having gone to an AA meeting though. So I doubt he has. He goes to my church which has an AA meeting, which to my knowledge, he does not attend. (I went once and he was not there). I was not his girlfriend then. I went as an Overeaters Anonymous assignment.

 

[Changing4Best]

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, I did not know my boyfriend was a recovering alcoholic until long after I met him. It is just that since I am reading this book on Codependency, I figured I should mention it.