Where Do Womens Self Esteem Issues Begin? Childhood!

[anthony]

A recent conversation with a female member made me think about female self esteem and why so many females want male attention so badly... why a female wants to be told they're beautiful, sexy, attractive, gorgeous, etc... and after asking Nicolette about where I had seen this, she pointed me to it... the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You!" When I seen it with Nic it just answered so many things about why females do some things they do.... watch the trailer yourself, the opening answers it all really.

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Just blame your mother... likely your daughter may be able to blame you if you're a mother and said the same or similar things to her. It clicked to me why womens self esteem is so often low compared to a male. There is always a minority, but the majority of women fit the movie comparison.

Break the cycle I say...

 

[becvan]

The book is a thousand times better and I consider it my bible. All women should have to read it... repeatedly.

bec

 

[evergreen]

Yes, that is very stupid thinking. Hard to believe society can be so dumb!

 

[TLight]

Yes..........Part of the anger I've carried my whole life is about 'having to look a certain way in order to be attractive for MEN!" Pisses me off!

Why don't they freakin grow up with all their thoughts being centered around looking good for us! No, they get to think about their lives, careers, fun........just living.........we are programmed to be so concerned about our looks!

Yes, blame our mothers and this culture. And us women who continuely buy into it!

I'm pissed and I'm not going to do it anymore!

 

[Deleted member 541]

I personally stopped dating over 10 years ago. The best decision I have made in years. I don't care what I look like as far as men are concerned. I dress for comfort, and that's usually jeans and a t-shirt. Screw 'em if they don't like it.

I wear what I want, I wear make up if I want, I do my hair the way that I want. If others don't like it, oh well......

I have always been a very independent woman, to the point that it pisses men off. I even had say to me once that he LOVED my independence.....Then he threw it in my face a few months later, and said it pissed him off, because I didn't need a man in my life. I looked right at him and told him, "Yup, your right, I don't, I can provide for myself everything that a man can, and with less shit involved."

So my self esteem issues, don't come from men.....I believe that mine comes from the abuse suffered at the hands of my mother and grandmother.....

 

[BethRSA]

My mom also tried to raise me to have no ambition for myself--just live through some future husband and children. Fortunately, I have a good dad who saw potential in me as a person.

It doesn't matter to my mom that I was the high school valedictorian, graduated from university with honours and a double major in 3 1/2 years unstead of 4 (or 5 like my brother and sister), started and run a small institute for higher learning since I was 30, etc. The only thing that matters to her is that I'm not married and haven't given her any grandchildren.

I try to ignore her "barbs" and have spoken to her many times about it. Fortunately, I live VERY far away. When we are together, within the first week, I have "the conversation" with her. Her part is to cry. My part goes like this:
"Mom, I love you. Thank you for all you've done for me.
I know you were and are so happy as a wife and mother. I'm glad for you.
You had your chance at life. My life is my chance. So, please don't "harass" (my word) me about not having a husband and/or children. It does NOT encourage me to want either one. Let's talk about other things."
I'm sure there's alot more I say too.

 

[amethist]

MMM not sure if I fit this cos I look like a mini Robocop with all my biker gear on.

Not really the best way to dress if I wanted to impress a guy. Any way I am me and if anyone doesn't like the way I am then that's their problem not mine.

Amethist

 

[Shoka]

Oh my god nothing like a movie like that to fill someone's head with total poo, so that the big issues of the world don't ever get resolved:thumbs-up
...Really, there are parts of the world where people don't have the LUXURY to worry about self esteem because they are trying to survive on a day to day basis with the basics... food, clean water, shelter, safety for their lives....

Besides, men like it that women have low self esteem so they can pretend that they don't have low self esteem.... haha.:rofl:. That movie is a trick to get women to think they have to worry about rejection, when in reality, we all know that men fear rejection more than anything else. It's all reverse psychology ladies, don't buy into it.

That's the input from the resident feminist on the forum. Yes, I use the "F" word and I'm proud. :rofl: If you watch enough of those types of movies, your brain will turn to mush.. I promise. Once in a while is okay, but otherwise watch out.

Shoka

 

[sigh]

I honestly think its women trying to get self-esteem from other women. When I lived in NYC, I dressed up to go to the corner store, I put on make-up, put up my hair. It wasn't the men I was trying to impress, it was whatever women were in the store. I remember standing on subway platform and eyeing along with every other woman (maybe not every) looking at one another.

Now, I live in southern California. I realize that by looking at my mom, she is envious of me. She used to tell me awful things about my hair and my clothes. But she never helped me change them. She just continues to criticize.

The men--for the most part, they've appreciated. Though they though I was loopy at times.

 

[becvan]

It isn't about dressing up, you all totally missed the point. It is women making excuses for men when we shouldn't be. We tell ourselves lies and believe them. We continually sell ourselves short. And this has nothing to do with being a feminist.

Basically the main idea is that we need to raise the bar. Set our standards high and don't settle for less. We teach others how to treat ourselves and our men (or women.. any partner for that matter) take the cues from there.

Basically we are better than this and we all need to smarten the hell up.

bec

 

[Nicolette]

Agreed Bec. That is how I interpreted the movie.

 

[anthony]

I'm with bec on this one... being male and all and now running like hell.